How proud am I ?

My young man gave his speech on Duke Ellington today. It was a crazy busy weekend as I had to work Saturday and Sunday so Brad helped him as much as he could but we didn't get a lot of time practice. I was a bit concerned he wouldn't be as prepared as he should have been. Plus, the young man woke up feeling pretty cruddy this morning and had a nagging cough but really wanted to go to school.

The teacher said he did a great job and that speaking is his forte. His presentation was so good, they asked him to do it for two music classes as well as his own 3rd grade class. He did his mama proud!

I have loved seeing my son gain a new appreciation for the benefits that come from putting in hard work. Did you know that when Duke Ellington's parents first started him in piano lessons as a child, he hated them? In fact, he didn't pursue music until he was almost an adult. (He actually studied art in college.) We had a great conversation about how it's important to try new things and maybe even try them again and again if we didn't like them the first time. A good lesson for us all, especially me. I tend more toward the safe, familiar things and I need to remember that sometimes moving outside of the regular is a good thing.

His work ethic was impressive. By the time he died, he had composed over 2000 pieces of music. Wow!

Here's a quote from the Duke that I love:
"I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues."

Poetry Thursday

I haven't put a post up for Poetry Thursday in ages, but I was inspired to look for a poem today and found two that jumped out at me. I'll put one up today and save the other for my next post.

Is my soul asleep?
Is my soul asleep?
Have those beehives that work
in the night stopped? And the water-
wheel of thought, is it
going around now, cups
empty, carrying only shadows?

No, my soul is not asleep.
It is awake, wide awake.
It neither sleeps nor dreams, but watches,
its eyes wide open
far-off things, and listens
at the shores of the great silence.

Antonio Machado, (1875-1939)
translated by Robert Bly

The Root of the Problem - Reflections on Retreat

I'm still processing the weekend spent with a group of women seeking to follow Christ authentically and honestly. The speaker offered us much to think about and reflect upon. Here's what's been swirling in my head and heart this week. I hope that no matter what your path of faith, there might be something here that resonates with you or encourages you this week.

True humility is an accurate picture of self. A realization that we are capable of great and horrible things.

Compassion is an emptying out of what isn't to make room for what is.

We are made for wholeness. We tend to live with a bent towards being like the prodical son, selfish, demanding, seeking to meet our own needs, or like the older brother, bitter, resentful and tied to a life of legalism. How can we move towards the middle? The place where grace meets responsibility?

Do I really live as the beloved of Jesus? How would my life change if I was truly living in the understanding of this?

Fear manifests itself as lies, disobedience and shame (I would add to the list - judgment). How do I ready myself to stand firm in faith against the fear?
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." 1 John 4:19a

The subject of blogging came up a few times at our meetings and the three of us there who had blogs answered lots of questions. It was fun to share the elements of compassion and community that are revealed in this form of expression and the relationships that grow from it. Thanks to all who left me blogiversary greetings on my last post and thank to those of you stopping by for the first time. Welcome!

I'm deep into my writing project again this week so I'll apologize in advance for the lack of posts this week. Please remember to pray for my dear bloggie friend Amber who is having surgery today. Hope you are all well and enjoying the blessings that come your way each day.

Happy Blogiversary to Me!

Happy Birthday to my Blog! It's one year old today! Like my friend Jenny's blog, mine also has a wish list for its birthday.
- a dozen yellow tulips
- some chocolate covered strawberries
- lunch with Oprah
- whirled peas

Well, two out of four ain't bad (thanks to Brad). Thanks to all my good bloggin' buds for making this a year to remember! I love where blogging has taken me and the new friendships I have made. You all inspire me so much to appreciate the blessings and not take myself too seriously. Below is the text of my first post.

I'm not sure why, but I am starting a blog today.

Recently, I stumbled on a group of women artists who share their thoughts, challenges, successes and discouragements on the pages of their journals and blogs. Their words have been rattling around my head for weeks. I find my self checking their blogs daily now to read their latest posts. We lead very different lives, but I have been so encouraged by their transparency and openness to their audience. Though they speak to different subjects, experiences, events and situations, the theme seems to resonate from them; "Find what you love and do what you have to do to do more of it."

Intrigued by this phenomena, I started "grazing" around more blogs. I'm amazed at the wisdom, insight and sometimes bizarre thoughts that are being put out there. Why add my voice to the already crowded sphere of blogging? I guess I feel like in my brief history of blogging, I've already been so encouraged and challenged by others, I feel like I owe something back. I don't make claims of infinite wisdom or knowledge or a charismatic personality that will reach through your screen and shake you by the shoulders to motivate you to reach your full potential, but I might have something to say that might encourage someone along their journey. I hope if I do, you'll let me know. Until then, what's one more voice to "embroider the silence with words." (A favorie line from the book, Three Junes.)

This one made me think . . .

(Are they not the cutest kids in the world?)

I just finished reading a wonderful essay by the very talented Shari MacDonald Strong about teaching our children about spiritual issues. I have some strong feelings on the matter and they don't easily align themselves in any traditional camp. I think where I have landed on this issue comes from growing up in a home where religion was treated as a casual hobby or a social networking tool and landing in church that is trying to create real, authentic connections of love and service that put to life the message of Jesus.

Below is the comment I left in response to the article. I think it's such an important issue to discuss whether you have children or not because let's face it, for many of us, our adult views of "church" or "religion" are based upon what we learned, or what was force-fed to us as children. Ultimately, my goal as a parent is to raise kids who have a real, questioning, tested and authentic faith in a great God. Can I force feed them this? I don't think so. In my opinion, this is something that they must seek and experience for themselves. I can provide opportunities for learning, experience, share my own thoughts and feelings, but ultimately, their faith is something that belongs entirely to them (it should, anyway). I've sometimes wondered, especially lately as I have a 'tween in the house, what life will be like if one or both of my children ends up choosing a different path of faith than I have? I'm not naive. I know it happens. Or worse, what if they just go through the motions, never really experiencing anything and winding up as an adult who can go through the religious motions but never has a true experience of the holy and divine? If it happens, I'm sure someone will throw this comment back in my face, but until then, I'll keep on plugging along on the path that seems to be working for us. Below is my comment.

I can appreciate the efforts of parents who want to let children make decision about their own spiritual lives. I am in firm in my beliefs and my faith BECAUSE I have asked questions, worked through doubts and taken the things I have learned through study, prayer and meditation and put them to task in the the everyday stuff of life. I would want my kids to do the same. However, to set them adrift into the ocean of the spiritual world without guidance and structure doesn't seem to me to be the best way to ensure that they avoid the hurts that come from false righteousness, judgment and Pharisaical teachings (law instead of grace). I wouldn't just hand my child a book and say, "OK - you should be able to figure out reading. Good luck with that and I'll respect whatever method you choose to use to learn this skill." We guide and teach them with what we know and we adapt to take into account their personality, their strengths, their interests, etc. I think the same is true for their spiritual lives. And who says anyone needs to be an expert? Last I checked, even the most devout and acclaimed followers of God in the Bible would be poster children for "Misfits Anonymous" who struggled with issues of faith, obedience and understanding the ways of God. I don't think they are in there by accident. God left us many examples and even direct exhortations in the Bible that there are many things about God that we (humanity) just won't understand this side of heaven. I have taken "figure out all the answers" off of my eternal to-do list and my perfect parenting guidelines. It's done wonders for my self esteem and let's me sleep at night!

If your daughter is interested in Moses - teach her about Moses. What does the Bible say about him. Let her do the interpreting. How has history, art and culture portrayed him? When my daughter was 4 years old she watched the entire "Ten Commandments" video with Charleton Heston. We talked about what parts came from the Bible and what parts very imaginative writers and directors and actors interpreted ("made up or pretended" to a six year old). Moses is a GREAT character to study because of how he grew as a leader through hard circumstances. What great life lessons to start teaching a child!

Thanks for writing this and sharing your thoughts on the subject! I really appreciate your spirit of humility and wanting to encourage your kids.

Move over Oprah . . .

Came home from work yesterday and nestled into the couch to finish "The Twentieth Wife". The experience and the story were just what I needed. A wonderful romance set in the beauty and splendor of the Mughal Empire in India (1526-1858). For three and a half centuries, the Taj Mahal has haunted our imaginations. It is a tomb built by a grieving king of the Mughal Empire (1526-1858) in India in memory of his beloved wife.
But it was this woman's aunt, an empress in her own right, who was the most powerful queen of that dynasty. The Twentieth Wife is the story of this Empress Nur Jahan.

Now - no more books until I finish my writing project although, I have a couple more I can't wait to dive into! Let me know if you decide to read "The Twentieth Wife" - I'd love to hear what you think.

Don't give up on me . . .

I've been trying for days to think of something intelligent to write. The well just seems to be a bit dry so I'm going to steal a page from my friend Deb and offer you some "Random Thoughts From The Junkdrawer of My Mind".

1. Was anyone else disappointed with the Superbowl commercials? The game was decent at least. We decided to forego the very generous invitation of some friends and we just hung out at our own house for the game. Brad had been washing windows since we are enjoying a warm streak here in the PNW while the rest of the country is frozen solid. My windows haven't looked this clean in a couple of years!

2. Finally saw "The Queen" on Friday night with my movie buddy, Trisha. LOVED this movie. I'll write a post on this soon as I could so resonate with some of the themes and the very "British" expressions on grief and loss. More to come - pinky swear! I'm wanting to see more of the Oscar nominees before the ceremony but not sure when I'm going to squeeze them in.

3. So excited about my young man's writing project this week. They had to pick an African American and will work on writing a biography and preparing a speech for the class. J. chose Duke Ellington. He came home and googled D.E. this afternoon and the sweet sounds of jazz were coming from the computer. Man, I have one cool kid!

4. I had to write "a letter of concern" to my daughter's 7th grade health teacher today. I never thought I'd be one of those complainy parents but I just really don't get this one. The kids have to read several fiction or non-fiction books that have to deal with individuals facing health issues. Natalie chose a book called "The Lost Boy". She shared with me that there's several instances in the book where characters are using "salty" language (including the f-bomb). Now don't get me wrong, for a good piece of literature, I'm willing to let salty language and even an f-bomb or two slide, but what bothers me is this is required reading for 7th graders! And if Natalie hadn't told me about it, I would have never known she was reading this. I'm trying to express to my kids that this isn't appropriate language for school, home (or anywhere for that matter) and the school is endorsing it? I asked the teacher if I could please have a list of the books, why they were chosen, a brief summary of the contents and an indication of any language that my daughter would get in trouble for SAYING that she might be reading in these books. I may come off like a fundamentalist freak, but I feel like I did the right thing. I still might let her read them but I'd like to know what she's reading.

5. For my praying friends, please lift me up as I work on finishing a 9 lesson Bible Study. I'm a bit slogged down and need some fresh inspiration to sprint to the finish line on this one.

6. I'm so excited about a new employee at my workplace that is starting all kinds of new outreach projects in the community. We're making plans to get our families involved in work to help street kids and the homeless of Portland and I'm so excited to see how this will stretch many of us who have felt this burden for our community. I had lunch with his wife on Friday and felt like they are a couple who really "get" the burdens Brad and I often feel for moving out of the pews of our church and into the world.

7. I'm stealing minutes here and there to furiously read "The Twentieth Wife". It was truly a book I judged by the cover. Saw it on a trip to Powell's but held firm to my New Year's resolution not to buy any books this year and so I checked it out from the library. It's a wonderful love story set in the late 1500's in India. I'm excited to give my reading maniac friend Leah a report when I'm done. She's already got 4 books under her belt in 2007!

8. Do you think I could make this an even ten things on my junkdrawer list? Hmmm - to my loyal readers, don't worry - the skunk smell is gone and there are no more signs of the little critters. If you're just visiting ETS, just move along to number 9.

9. Uhhhh . . . I said I'd try for 10, didn't I? Well February isn't turning out to be so bad. And as Leah pointed out, there are some nice birthdays in February including this handsome stud.

10. Wishing you all a great week and I promise something of substance soon. Bless ya!

The Sweet Smell of February?

A little while back I wrote a post about how I never look forward to the month of October and how it always seems like the time of year when my luck or karma or my heavenly blessings just seem to dry up and if something can go wrong, it will go wrong in October. Well, I think January got a little jealous and tried to give October a run for its money this year. It was a tough month and I was more than happy to turn the calendar page yesterday and see a new beautiful picture in my "Greek Isles" wall calendar. (Someday *fist in the air*, someday I'm going to go there even if I have to sell a vital organ to do so!)

I was so excited for February. A new month. Wipe the slate clean. Start over.

That is, until 4:30 am this morning.

Imagine me waking from a restless 4 hours of sleep. As I shift under the covers, I smell an awful odor. Our dog sleeps in our room so I groaned, "Nicky - what did you do?" Sniff, sniff. No - that's not dog smell. That's skunk smell. And it smells like he's curled up at the end of the bed.

By now I'm almost gagging, walking through the halls trying to figure out how this wretched smell has gotten in my house. No windows open, no critters in the front yard that I can see, no critters in the back. Now I'm fully awake and spinning all kinds of horrific scenarios in my head. What if it's trapped in the garage? What if it's in the crawl space? What if there's a whole family living in the crawl space making beds, hanging pictures and planning to stay?

So I laid awake in bed wondering if February would be the month filled with calls to the "Critter Catchers", the carpet cleaners, and would be spent washing and rewashing surfaces to get out the nasty smell. Sometime around 6:00 am I fell back asleep, just in time to be woken up at 6:30 to get ready for work. When I got home, the smell was still in the house but had dissipated quite a bit so maybe my fervent prayers and bargains with God this morning were answered.

Aces. February is off to a grand start. Good thing it's a short month.

Learning to face the darkness . . .

Thanks to all of you for your kind comments on my last entry. The skies were beautifully clear and sunny this weekend but my days were filled with storms of emotions. Sadly, our beloved neighbor took a turn for the worse on Friday and wasn't able to come home as planned. Thursday and Friday were filled with emotion as we helped her husband process the possibility that she might not come home from the hospital as planned.

Saturday morning he arrived on my doorstep at 8:30 am with the news that the doctors did not think she would survive the day. Brad was at a meeting and my little guy had basketball pictures but we managed to make it to the hospital by about 11:00 am. We were able to see her and give a hug and kiss and tell her we loved her. She was still lucid and really looked lovely and much like her old self except for her labored breathing. She was tired so we only stayed a few minutes. It was heartbreaking to think this was probably the last time I would see her.

I had to rush home and finish prepping food for a baby shower I was helping to throw for my niece in Salem that night. So a few hours after saying goodbye to my good friend, I had to wipe my tears and put on a happy face and be the gracious hostess. It was a long afternoon - we left our house for the shower at 2:00 pm and didn't get home until 10:00 pm that night. At 9:39 pm my cell phone rang and it was my dear friend's husband. She had just passed from this life in a peaceful sleep.

As I mentioned before, this place, this thing, death - is a frightening and unfamiliar place in my life. I'm still processing this heaviness that hangs over me and this renewed sense of knowing that our time here is fleeting and never guaranteed. Sorry to sound like a downer - it's just hard to be real cheery tonight when I think of the heartbroken man sleeping alone two doors down.

I promise, clear skies in the forecast. The sun will come again and the posts will lighten up. Until then, hug your loved ones tight, live, love and laugh.

Learning to take refuge in the storm . . .

I have very vivid dreams. Usually they are variations on the same themes. Fear of getting lost, fear of falling behind, fear of not knowing - see a theme here? The one I used to have the most was about not finishing school and having to go back to high-school as a thirty something to finish up missing class credits.

Last night I had a new dream. One I've never had before but one that doesn't surprise me. I was walking in a small town, browsing the shop windows and saying hello to the people walking on the street. There were all the signs of a peaceful existence, women pushing strollers, men out jogging, an older couple walking their dog, a woman talking on her cell phone while her pre-teen daughter and her friend giggled at a secret joke. I watched it all and felt the warm of the sun on my face and breathed in what smelled like the fresh smell of spring. Suddenly, the sky began to darken and the soft breeze turned into a stiff wind. Bits of garbage started to blow in the street, people clutched their packages a bit tighter but everyone went about their business as normal.

Suddenly, the skies grew dark. That grayish, greenish kind of dark that those from the south and the mid-west know all too well. I felt my heart beat faster and had trouble catching my breath. I knew what was coming.

Frantically, I started yelling at everyone I saw, "We need to get inside. We need to take cover." Some people listened and quickly followed my advice. Others laughed, others shook their heads like they didn't understand. I pleaded with them, called to them, waved them to the doorway of the bookstore (of course!) that I was standing in front of. By now, the winds were so strong it was difficult to walk. And yet, some people stubbornly refused to stop their activities and look at the storm.

Me? I got to a point where I was so frightened, so tired of yelling, so overwhelmed, that I crawled in to the bookstore and curled in the fetal position. I cried as I heard the wind screaming over the roof of the little bookstore and heard the glass of businesses along the little street break in the wind. There was nothing I could do to avoid the wrath of the storm - just hide and try to survive and try to warn others to do the same.

I don't know all the deep meanings of this dream or pretend that it has any profound meanings to you, my dear friends. I know that yesterday, we got the bad news that one of our beloved neighbor ladies has terminal cancer and will likely not live to see her beautiful roses bloom this spring. The couple is estranged from their children and the families of our neighborhood are their only "family". Death is such an uncomfortable and foreign landscape in my life. I've only had to visit within its fences a few times in my life and I've never been comfortable in the places of grieving and loss. The emotions in myself and others scare me with their power and range. Needless to say, I think the I know where that helpless feeling of being caught in a storm came from.

And yet, I take comfort in knowing that even in the fiercest of life's storms, I am not alone. God has given me the precious gifts of His presence, his promises and the support of others who will walk with me (or sit with me!) through life's storms. He promises to be a refuge in those storms. (I think it's no accident that I took refuge in a place that I love - a bookstore! Other than an old church - there's no other building I'd rather visit.)

The words of the Psalmist give me comfort. "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken." Psalm 62:5-6

The lesson I think I need to learn from this dream? Don't be stubborn - take the shelter that is offered to you when you need to weather the storms. I think I'll need this lesson in the coming days.

Learning New Words . . .

Last week we had dinner at Brad's mom and dad's house. A tradition in our family is to play games at the table after a meal. They are not really board games, but more along the lines of guessing games, 20 questions, etc. We decided to play the "Dictionary" game and pulled out a couple of copies of dictionaries for reference.

The instructions were to look up a word, say and spell the word and each person around the table would offer up a definition. Each round had two winners - the definition closest to the actual definition and the most creative option. The person choosing the word would pick the winners each round.

My 9-year old son flipped through the pages, plunked his finger down on the page and announced, "Trowloup." Hmmm - trowloup? Wow that is an interesting sounding word. Never heard it.

"Buddy - can you spell it for us?" I asked.

"T-r-o-l-l-o-p. Trowloup." He said proudly.

Grandma and Dad start to snicker.

"I have a definition," I said. "A fruit filled dessert. Like a tart."

Grandma just about fell off her chair she was trying so to contain her giggles.

And by the way, I won that round. But I had some explaining to do later about the words in the real definition. I was hoping to expand our kids' vocabulary but not with words like, prostitute, promiscuous, and sexual exploits. Maybe we should go back to 20 questions next time.

Learning patience . . .

Hooray! The buttons are back! The buttons are back!

It's been about 3+ weeks that I've been wiggling around the fact that my blogger page was messed up, but today, what a sweet surprise! The buttons are back!

Sometimes things take time. Like a good meal needs some time to cook. Like an art project needs time to dry or set or cure. Like a good story needs time to develop and the author needs time to write and rewrite, and rewrite, and . . . . Like a prayer hopes to be answered.

Today I read the news that Darlene's son Mark that was seriously injured in a car accident the week before Christmas is heading home. It has already been a long and treacherous road for them but what an amazing answer to the prayers and well wishes of hundreds of bloggers who have been visiting her site over the past few weeks. If you are one of them, celebrate with me and lift up an offering of a thankful heart for our friend today. If you are new to Darlene's story, you can read more of her heartfelt and raw writings of this difficult journey here.

There are real and important lessons to be learned in the waiting. It's the place where hope and trust and faith are sown and nurtured to become the tall, strong, deeply rooted oak trees in our lives that will shelter us from the coming storms. I encourage us all to not miss the lessons in the waiting. I'd love to hear what you have learned in your life in times of waiting.

Bless you all! (And a special blessing to the blogger folks for finally coming through! It was worth the wait!)

Learning to Play . . .

From the masters.

Sunday Scribbling: Ideas

I'm a day late. But here's an idea that came from a conversation with some soccer moms at my son's game last week.

We were chatting about David Beckham, the English soccer phenom coming to America to play for a team in Los Angeles and the amazingly ridiculous amount of money he would be making from his contract which included several endorsement deals. He will be making the amazing sum of $250 million in the next five years.

So here's my idea. How much can any one person really expect to spend in their lifetime? Even if they have the noble intentions of providing for their future generations, they just don't need unlimited amounts of cash when others in the world are in such need. So I propose an earning cap on all sports, entertainment and corporate executives. Something very generous like 15 million per year. Any money earned after that, would be required to be donated to legitimate charities. So sports stars, celebrities and other rich folks would be required to share the wealth but they would get to choose the causes they would like to support. They could decide to give to charities that support literacy, global causes, environmental issues, health and science, etc. But the basic principle would be that the money they make from adoration/support/business of others would be shared and benefit the greater good of humanity. (One caveat - there would be caps on the amount they could give to any one charity to prevent favoritism and there would be some sort of tax break incentives for the givers as they increase the number of charities they help. The more they work to spread their wealth, the better for them.)

Just an idea, but I'd love to see how this could change our world.

For more great ideas, go here.

Learning to slow down . . .

This morning I put my contacts in like I always do. Something didn't feel right. They both seemed blurry and the right one felt like it was in upside down. I took the right one out, cleaned it off, flipped it inside out and put it back in.

Still felt weird.

Took it out, flipped it right side out, cleaned it again, put it back in.

Still not right.

Decided to tough it out, made breakfast for the kids, sat down at the computer to answer a few emails and check a few blogs. Finally, I couldn't stand it. I went into the bathroom and took out my right contact.

It was bizarrly misshapen. What in the world??? There were TWO contacts stuck together. I had put both contacts in my right eye!!! In 26 years of wearing contacts, this is a first! Guess it's time to learn to slow down a bit in the mornings, that or post a sign on my mirror that says, "ONE CONTACT PER EYE, GENIUS!"

Learning to deal with the root of the issue . . .

** Whiny Post Warning ** Be advised that the following post contains an excess of melancholy musings and may not be suitable for friends who are already down in the dumps, suffering from pink-eye, the flu or are trying to quit their nicotine addiction this week. If you don't feel up to reading the whingings of a middle-class, white woman with nothing of merit to complain about, please stop back tomorrow when the outlook for a sunnier post seems more likely.*** Whiny Post Warning Complete ****
It's been a rough week. But even as I type that, I blow air out in a disgusted snort thinking, "Really, Kim. What do YOU have to complain about?"

Your family is healthy.
You have a job.
You have a home.
You're not fighting a war in the dessert against people who want to destroy you.
You're not sitting in a jail cell for sharing the hope you have found in a personal God because the rulers of your country consider such testimony a threat to their politics and culture.
You don't have to wonder where or how you will feed your children today.
You're not watching your loved one struggle through incredible pain as his body tries valiantly to put itself back together again after a horrific car accident.
You're not watching your child fight invisible cells that are trying to kill her from the inside out.
Even your pets are healthy . . .
You really have it pretty good compared to most of the world.

It's never hard to find someone who has it rougher than I do. And in the past, that is how I have dealt with the disappointments, struggles, and frustrations that creep in the back door like unwanted stray animals looking for a warm place to sleep for the night. But unfortunately, just running to the "find someone worse off than me" game pulls my attention away from the things that are bothering me but only for a short time. I wonder if I really do myself any favors by never dealing with these things. Do I really make myself stronger by ignoring or running from my struggles rather than dealing with them? I think I'm learning there's a fine line between self-absorbed and self-aware and the space in between is a large rocky, craggy field waiting to be worked, tilled and planted with more productive thoughts, behaviors and disciplines.

It makes me think of earlier this year when we cut down a large pine tree in our front yard. Brad spent weeks cutting out the roots of this thing (he wound up with a nasty foot infection from the strain of working on it!). There were points in the process where I said, "That's good enough, just cover the rest!" But no - Brad would have nothing of that. He wanted every bit of root taken out and never wanted these things to be a problem again. I think maybe this is an example I need to follow with some of the "issues" in my life that I struggle with. Avoidance or covering them up with something else isn't going to "solve" the problems. The roots of these things will eventually make their way to the surface.

So today, though I know others have it much worse, I give myself permission to feel crummy. It doesn't mean I'm not so very grateful for all I have, it means that my crud, the baggage of my life, is weighing extra heavy today and it's okay to feel the weight as I drag it along the path. Maybe I'll open the bag and see what's in there that doesn't even belong to me. It might be that I've picked up someone else's stuff along the way. Maybe there's stuff in my bags that I don't need anymore. (I'm notorious for holding onto things too long!) I know that as I work on making choices to trust God's direction, his leading and his provision in my life, tomorrow the same bags might feel a bit lighter and eventually, they'll feel so light, maybe I'll be able to help someone else carry their luggage for awhile.

Learning to Adapt

So I pulled one of the lessons from my previous post about perservering and creativity and found a way around my blogger problems. It seems that the missing buttons have something to do with my browser on my home computer. When I went into blogger at work (on a break, of course!), I could see the buttons just fine. But when I came home, they were gone again. When I tried to research this problem on the blogger message boards, they seemed to all say that the solution to the problem is running a different browser program like Firefox. As I read that, I grabbed the edge of my keyboard and shouted at the little man behind the screen, "But I DO run Firefox! At home AND at work. That can't be the problem!!" I tried a few more suggestions, emptying the cashe, rebooting - nothing. Still no buttons. The really frustrating thing - besides not being able to create a post with pictures or links, I wasn't able to leave a comment on any posts that require word verifications. The letters wouldn't appear on my screen. It was keeping me from commenting on some of my favorites and THAT was pushing me near the edge of a knicker-twisting fit of rage!

HMMMM . . . Creativity, perserverance, use the whole play book . . . my own lessons from the previous blog post swam in my head along with a few choice words for the invisible, inaudible, absent with no sign of returning, blogger support geeks who have yet to answer my cries for help. And then, a thought. What would happen if I went back to using Internet Explorer for my browser? What do you know - voila - the buttons are back!

So another reminder that these lessons that we learn on the journey, can be applied in so many different ways in our lives. The blog, in the grand scheme of things, not such a critical thing, but relationships, our passions, our convictions - they deserve the same attention to creativity and perserverance as we seek to make the journey richer for ourselves and the ones we love.

Delia over at Left Handed Trees wrote in her last post about intentions rather than resolutions. I told her I was going to adopt that word - bring it home, feed it cookies and give it a warm bed to sleep in. I want to be intentional in 2007. Intentional in my relationships, intentional in pursuing my passions and intentional in growing in my faith and following my God. I intend to write more about learning and how I can put into practice what I learn and hopefully something along the way will encourage you in your own intentions. (At the very least, you'll have one trick for finding missing blogger buttons!)

Lessons for a New Year

Grrrr. My blogger buttons are still MIA. (I’m missing the buttons that show up on your “new post” page that allow you to add formatting like bold and italics, post pictures and make live links in your post.) Thanks Kasmin for the encouragement that you have been through this and eventually you got your buttons back. I’ve sent two messages to the Blogger folks but still no reply. GAH! I miss my pictures.

Well, one of my resolutions was to make sure something on the little ole’ blog was worth reading. A few months ago, I took a strengths finder test by the Gallup Organization. I thought for at least a little while, I might focus my posts on these strengths and how I’ve been learning to use them in all areas of my life.

OK – when I read back over that, it sounds a bit self centered. But actually, I’m hoping that this process will give you encouragement to work in your strengths as well. Actually, the premise is that we have abilities in almost all the 34 strengths but we clearly are strongest in just a few and those are our “sweet spots” – when we are working in our strengths, we feel complete, content and fulfilled.

One of my strengths is titled “Learner”. “People strong in the Learner theme have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites them.”

Even before I took the test, I knew this would be among my top five. I’ve always been a big reader and these days, I could surf the net for hours reading new articles, and find new tidbits of knowledge to store away. The problem comes in that I’m not always the best at application. My other four top strengths, while unique and helpful in many ways, are very passive and cerebral kinds of strengths. The frustration comes for me in that I’m great at collecting information, not so good at putting it to use.

Monday night, after we said good-bye to Brad’s family, put the kids to bed and did a final quick pick-up of the house, Brad and I settled in to catch the last quarter of the Fiesta Bowl. I love college football and the busy New Year’s weekend with houseguests didn’t give us much time to catch any of the games. We watched the most incredible end to a game we’ve ever seen! If you don’t follow college ball, the game was between University of Oklahoma – a team used to bowl games and the favorite for the night, and Boise State – a real underdog who hadn’t been to a bowl game in ages. Boise State led for almost the whole ball game until Oklahoma had two quick scores at the end of the 4th quarter to move to the lead. The second score was from an intercepted pass thrown by the Boise quarterback. With only a minute left in the game, it really looked like the Oklahoma Sooners had stolen the win from Boise. In an incredible run of great plays, Boise came back to tie the game and force it into overtime. In an incredibly exciting finale, Boise St. won due to some incredible factors.

And so I give to you, “Lessons Learned from the Boise St. Performance in the Fiesta Bowl”

Lesson #1 – Never give up even when things look impossible.
Don’t let the clock tell you what is possible. The impossible can happen when you least expect it!

Lesson #2 – Surround yourself with people who believe in you.
When interviewed after the game about the intercepted pass he threw, the Boise quarterback said he got past the mistake quickly when about 10 of his teammates came up to him and said, “We believe in you.” Wow! I want to surround myself with people like that. Ones who will lift me up and believe in me even when I fail.

Lesson #3 – Use the whole play book.
Boise State’s final score in regulation play was a “trick” play – a lateral pass between two players who weren’t the quarter back (I can’t remember what positions they played.) Their winning score in the OT was the old “Statue of Liberty” play. Creativity and perseverance make for a winning combination.

Lesson #4 – Take advice from others.
Those creative plays used to win the game – they were brought to the table by the 2nd and 3rd string quarterbacks. The coach was quick to give these players the credit at the awards ceremony. (Another lesson – share the spotlight with those who help you.)

Lesson #5 – Success doesn’t mean much without the ones we love by our sides.
After his game-winning two-point conversion, running back Ian Johnson proposed to his girlfriend, Broncos cheerleader Chrissy Popadics. She said yes.

Who knew there was so much to learn from football?

Looking for Blogger Intervention . . .

I've lost the buttons on my new post page so I can't post the pictures I was going to post today.

I've made a heartfelt plea to the Blogger support folks but they're probably out for the holiday so a decent post with pictures probably won't come until next week.

I'm in a state of procrastination right now. (How's that for a Sunday Scribbling "Destination"? Drat - I can't even link you to the site here without my buttons! See the location on the sidebar if you'd like to read this weeks Scribblers!) We'll have a houseful tonight as we are celebrating a belated Christmas with Brad's side of the family. We're all looking forward to being together as it's been a few years since we've all been in one place.

Sorry I've nothing profound to write at the moment. Actually, I have lots of thoughts on resolutions, goals, reflection, book lists . . . all that good stuff, but there are toilets that need scrubbing, beds that need changing, floors that need vacuumming and appetizers that need making. One of my resolutions - give you all something worth reading on this blog in the new year. I think I've slipped into some lazy patterns of giving you too much fluff and not enough substance. I'd like to change that and write about some more thoughtful things in the new year.

To all of you and yours, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Blessings of peace and good health and calorie free indulgences be yours!

The Mysteries of Christmas

Why does it take hours to do all the wrapping, but only minutes to open a huge pile of gifts?

How come we eat Christmas cookies every day, but they seem to multiply like bunnies during the night and there are still MORE Christmas cookies to be eaten the next day?

Why does the blouse that made me look so trim in the fitting room at Macy's make me look like an elephant hiding under a tent in our family Christmas picture?

Why do I get sick of Christmas songs on the radio about the 20th of December but miss them on the 26th?

Why does sleeping in the rest of the year mean about 8:00 am but during the Christmas holidays, mean more like 9:30 ish?

Why is it so much cheaper to buy the same thing on the 26th of December that you would have paid full price for on the 24th? Why don't retailers give us an incentive to clear their shelves before Christmas?

Gifty Updates: My mom came through with the serious bookage - 5 new ones! Two on digital photography, The Artist's Way (so now I can finish it - my library renewals ran out before I could finish it last time), "Plan B . . . " by Anne Lamott and a really cool little anthology of the best places in Portland for book lovers. Both sets of parents gave us generous checks to do some household shopping. We got a new waffle iron, a clothes iron, skillet, can opener (the magnetic kind that keeps the lid from falling in) and money for blinds for our great room. Woohoo for the parents and their very practical and welcome gifts of cash!

Today, my daughter and I went down to NW 23rd and the fun shops down there and bought some fun new ornaments and Christmas decorations. This was the first time I've bought new Christmas stuff in about five years. Usually I make due with what I get as gifts or what my mom gives me as hand-me-downs. It was fun to pick out things that I really liked.

Prayer Request: My bloggie friend Darlene has been struggling through the last week caring for her 24 year-old son who was in a serious car accident last week. His injuries were very serious and things are still a bit touch and go. Visit Darlene's blog here to read her updates and please pray for strength and wisdom for Darlene and her family.

Blessings to you all!