(Are they not the cutest kids in the world?)I just finished reading a wonderful essay by the very talented Shari MacDonald Strong about teaching our children about spiritual issues. I have some strong feelings on the matter and they don't easily align themselves in any traditional camp. I think where I have landed on this issue comes from growing up in a home where religion was treated as a casual hobby or a social networking tool and landing in church that is trying to create real, authentic connections of love and service that put to life the message of Jesus.
Below is the comment I left in response to the article. I think it's such an important issue to discuss whether you have children or not because let's face it, for many of us, our adult views of "church" or "religion" are based upon what we learned, or what was force-fed to us as children. Ultimately, my goal as a parent is to raise kids who have a real, questioning, tested and authentic faith in a great God. Can I force feed them this? I don't think so. In my opinion, this is something that they must seek and experience for themselves. I can provide opportunities for learning, experience, share my own thoughts and feelings, but ultimately, their faith is something that belongs entirely to them (it should, anyway). I've sometimes wondered, especially lately as I have a 'tween in the house, what life will be like if one or both of my children ends up choosing a different path of faith than I have? I'm not naive. I know it happens. Or worse, what if they just go through the motions, never really experiencing anything and winding up as an adult who can go through the religious motions but never has a true experience of the holy and divine? If it happens, I'm sure someone will throw this comment back in my face, but until then, I'll keep on plugging along on the path that seems to be working for us. Below is my comment.
I can appreciate the efforts of parents who want to let children make decision about their own spiritual lives. I am in firm in my beliefs and my faith BECAUSE I have asked questions, worked through doubts and taken the things I have learned through study, prayer and meditation and put them to task in the the everyday stuff of life. I would want my kids to do the same. However, to set them adrift into the ocean of the spiritual world without guidance and structure doesn't seem to me to be the best way to ensure that they avoid the hurts that come from false righteousness, judgment and Pharisaical teachings (law instead of grace). I wouldn't just hand my child a book and say, "OK - you should be able to figure out reading. Good luck with that and I'll respect whatever method you choose to use to learn this skill." We guide and teach them with what we know and we adapt to take into account their personality, their strengths, their interests, etc. I think the same is true for their spiritual lives. And who says anyone needs to be an expert? Last I checked, even the most devout and acclaimed followers of God in the Bible would be poster children for "Misfits Anonymous" who struggled with issues of faith, obedience and understanding the ways of God. I don't think they are in there by accident. God left us many examples and even direct exhortations in the Bible that there are many things about God that we (humanity) just won't understand this side of heaven. I have taken "figure out all the answers" off of my eternal to-do list and my perfect parenting guidelines. It's done wonders for my self esteem and let's me sleep at night!
If your daughter is interested in Moses - teach her about Moses. What does the Bible say about him. Let her do the interpreting. How has history, art and culture portrayed him? When my daughter was 4 years old she watched the entire "Ten Commandments" video with Charleton Heston. We talked about what parts came from the Bible and what parts very imaginative writers and directors and actors interpreted ("made up or pretended" to a six year old). Moses is a GREAT character to study because of how he grew as a leader through hard circumstances. What great life lessons to start teaching a child!
Thanks for writing this and sharing your thoughts on the subject! I really appreciate your spirit of humility and wanting to encourage your kids.
4 comments:
Kim! Thanks so much for commenting. I really appreciate your thoughts. Here's to not feeling that we have to know all the answers, and not believing that we have to achieve some unrealistic standard of perfection, as parents or as people. It's good, very good, to be with our children, learning and exploring and questioning, right alongside them, on this journey.
I don't have kids but I agree with what you say about trying to teach to the best of your ability what you have come to value and hope that they will actually learn from your experience. But students (or your kids) don't always learn what you think you were teaching and ultimately you are not responisble for the choices they make. As a teacher I guess I try to find some sort of balance between acting as though I were responsible and giving the freedom and room to actually allow kids to make the learning experience their own.
I think your kids are really lucky to have you as their mom, Kim.
That photo is wonderful!! :-)
Hi Kim: Loved your post. So much insight. It's so true, no matter what or how truth is taught in the home, the final decision comes when those children are adults and choose what they will embrace. We have four grown children who grew up in a Pastor's home, taught God's Word and loved unconditionally. One of our daughters (36) is struggling to make her beleifs her own, not moms and dads. It hard even at her age, to let go, and let them make the choices. We just love them along the journey and thank God,for the gift of raising loving them.
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