Sunday Scribbling - Dream land . . .

Saturday I attended a Christian Writer's conference. I walked into the event early in the morning already exhausted from a series of late nights working on my current project, questioning if I really could make it as a serious writer while still working, being a mom and keeping up with the demands of life. The job was pretty much finished by the publishing folks that were there painting a rather bleak picture of the Christian Publishing industry. There wasn't any real talk about writing in the breakout sessions I attended - it was all about building platforms, positioning yourself in markets, all the non-writing stuff that you need to do to get published. (To be fair, it might have just been the tracks I chose and others might have been more focused on the craft.) By the end of the day, I felt as if all the shiny bubbles of my dreams of being a published author some day, had been burst (in Christian love, of course - grrr).

Sunday morning, I had a good cry in the shower. I'm not really proud of this, but the release of all the frustration was a relief. I stood there realizing that if I was practical, I might just have to put the dream of being published on hold or even release it in order to be able to write what I was supposed to write. I came out of the shower feeling almost relieved of a burden. Carrying around the expectation on myself that I would publish a book or have no worth as a writer, was a heavy load. I decided to try to wrap my mind around the concept that God might have a different purpose for my writing. One that doesn't include publishing.

Sunday, my daughter asked me if I'd take her to see Dreamgirls. We went for a girls afternoon out even though I had tons of work to do on my project. We had some good conversations on the drive to the theater (it was playing about 25 minutes from our house) and it was awesome just to be with her doing something we both enjoyed. Well for those of you who have seen the movie you can just imagine how it spoke to my heart. I was crying five minutes into the movie! Effie's story was exactly the story I needed to see. A talented woman who didn't take the expected path to reaching her dreams. By the end of the movie I had such a headache from trying not to cry, but I was so encouraged and motivated by the story of this great movie. Sometimes our dreams take us down the less traveled path and they're not bad, just different.

The land of my dreams - I think it has a freeway, it would get me where I want to go with speed and efficiency, but it's difficult to take a break and rest. The off-ramps would be few and far between. The scenery speeds by and quick glimpses are all I might get. I think my dreams also have winding country roads, filled with potholes, gravel stretches, downed trees and other obstacles. But there are lovely sights to see, people to meet and experiences to have along the road and it would just be a shame not to stop and explore. I think that's the road I'm on. I'm not sure I'll reach the destination before I die, but I know the journey will be interesting.