Monday, March 12, 2007

Sunday Scribbling - Dream land . . .

Saturday I attended a Christian Writer's conference. I walked into the event early in the morning already exhausted from a series of late nights working on my current project, questioning if I really could make it as a serious writer while still working, being a mom and keeping up with the demands of life. The job was pretty much finished by the publishing folks that were there painting a rather bleak picture of the Christian Publishing industry. There wasn't any real talk about writing in the breakout sessions I attended - it was all about building platforms, positioning yourself in markets, all the non-writing stuff that you need to do to get published. (To be fair, it might have just been the tracks I chose and others might have been more focused on the craft.) By the end of the day, I felt as if all the shiny bubbles of my dreams of being a published author some day, had been burst (in Christian love, of course - grrr).

Sunday morning, I had a good cry in the shower. I'm not really proud of this, but the release of all the frustration was a relief. I stood there realizing that if I was practical, I might just have to put the dream of being published on hold or even release it in order to be able to write what I was supposed to write. I came out of the shower feeling almost relieved of a burden. Carrying around the expectation on myself that I would publish a book or have no worth as a writer, was a heavy load. I decided to try to wrap my mind around the concept that God might have a different purpose for my writing. One that doesn't include publishing.

Sunday, my daughter asked me if I'd take her to see Dreamgirls. We went for a girls afternoon out even though I had tons of work to do on my project. We had some good conversations on the drive to the theater (it was playing about 25 minutes from our house) and it was awesome just to be with her doing something we both enjoyed. Well for those of you who have seen the movie you can just imagine how it spoke to my heart. I was crying five minutes into the movie! Effie's story was exactly the story I needed to see. A talented woman who didn't take the expected path to reaching her dreams. By the end of the movie I had such a headache from trying not to cry, but I was so encouraged and motivated by the story of this great movie. Sometimes our dreams take us down the less traveled path and they're not bad, just different.

The land of my dreams - I think it has a freeway, it would get me where I want to go with speed and efficiency, but it's difficult to take a break and rest. The off-ramps would be few and far between. The scenery speeds by and quick glimpses are all I might get. I think my dreams also have winding country roads, filled with potholes, gravel stretches, downed trees and other obstacles. But there are lovely sights to see, people to meet and experiences to have along the road and it would just be a shame not to stop and explore. I think that's the road I'm on. I'm not sure I'll reach the destination before I die, but I know the journey will be interesting.

12 comments:

Roadchick said...

Do whatever works for you. That's the most important thing.

Someone once asked a famous writer how he wrote his books.

His answer?

One word at a time.

And sometimes, that's all we can manage. Make it the right word.

Jennifer said...

My dreams of how my life would be certainly didn't include most of what I do now. Broadway and Beaverton don't have much in common. One thing I have realized...just as you did...God does give us the dreams that we don't realize are the most important. I wonder what I would be wishing for if I had gone to New York...most likely, the life I have now. I do have to remind myself of that sometimes (lately it seems it's been a lot of times), but I know he will honor the desires he has given me as long as I allow him to do it in his time and his way. I love your writing Kim, in my eyes you ARE a writer.

melba said...

I really want to see Dream Girls. I am a stay at home Mom and The one day I had to myself I found out the closest placee playing it was an hour away! It will have to wait for another day.

I loved your post. I can relate.
Crying is a good release. don't hold back!

Jenny Rough said...

Hey, can you e-mail me your e-mail? Couldn't find it on your profile...

Cheryl said...

Thanks for your honesty and open-ness Kim. You spoke right to my heart. I'm not even sure I know what my dreams are any more. This is a weird time of life. I appreciate your candid reflection. It speaks to my heart and the whole idea of "dreaming" and releasing those dreams.

Thank you dear woman!

PS I haven't seen Dream Girls yet..but it is on my list. Now I'll really have to go see it with kleenex in hand! Thanks for the heads up!

Amber said...

Oh, honey. I believe in you!! And you are right that God might just have other ideas...He may just have bigger ideas for you and the talent he gave you then you are letting yourself imagine! You have talent and a heart for Him. That is a lot to work with!

xoxoxox

:)

Wanda said...

Well after that moving post, not only will I have to see Dream Girls, I was in tears by the time you got out of the shower. You have chosen the better road, the one less traveled, but the most rewarding. We will all read your publication one day. Keep dreaming and moving forward. I agree with Jennifer....YOU ARE A WRITER!

deirdre said...

Oh, I hate to see you get discouraged by the nuts and bolts of the publishing industry. Too often people who purport to know the inside scoop on something are so busy throwing up roadblocks they don't see the talent that gets squished in the process. It's like imagining your children as teenagers before you even have them. That's enough to scare anyone away. It's just one little step at a time. You'll get there and will be ready for the non-writing stuff when it's time.

gautami tripathy said...

Setbacks are part of life. You will live your dreams. Just believe in that.

Journey within the mind

Yolanda said...

I know how it feels to want something this bad. This was a really good post and never let go of your dreams.

Angela Marie said...

The movie Dream Girls never really seemed interesting to me.... but now! I want to see it!

I have to agree with all of these beautiful women.

:)

Madison Richards said...

By the way, if you join ACFW we have a northwest chapter with a critique group meeting once a month in Yakima - at any rate, lots of fellowship with other writers, and plenty of encouragement also - don't be afraid to put your stuff out there !! You can do it!!