Learning to deal with the root of the issue . . .

** Whiny Post Warning ** Be advised that the following post contains an excess of melancholy musings and may not be suitable for friends who are already down in the dumps, suffering from pink-eye, the flu or are trying to quit their nicotine addiction this week. If you don't feel up to reading the whingings of a middle-class, white woman with nothing of merit to complain about, please stop back tomorrow when the outlook for a sunnier post seems more likely.*** Whiny Post Warning Complete ****
It's been a rough week. But even as I type that, I blow air out in a disgusted snort thinking, "Really, Kim. What do YOU have to complain about?"

Your family is healthy.
You have a job.
You have a home.
You're not fighting a war in the dessert against people who want to destroy you.
You're not sitting in a jail cell for sharing the hope you have found in a personal God because the rulers of your country consider such testimony a threat to their politics and culture.
You don't have to wonder where or how you will feed your children today.
You're not watching your loved one struggle through incredible pain as his body tries valiantly to put itself back together again after a horrific car accident.
You're not watching your child fight invisible cells that are trying to kill her from the inside out.
Even your pets are healthy . . .
You really have it pretty good compared to most of the world.

It's never hard to find someone who has it rougher than I do. And in the past, that is how I have dealt with the disappointments, struggles, and frustrations that creep in the back door like unwanted stray animals looking for a warm place to sleep for the night. But unfortunately, just running to the "find someone worse off than me" game pulls my attention away from the things that are bothering me but only for a short time. I wonder if I really do myself any favors by never dealing with these things. Do I really make myself stronger by ignoring or running from my struggles rather than dealing with them? I think I'm learning there's a fine line between self-absorbed and self-aware and the space in between is a large rocky, craggy field waiting to be worked, tilled and planted with more productive thoughts, behaviors and disciplines.

It makes me think of earlier this year when we cut down a large pine tree in our front yard. Brad spent weeks cutting out the roots of this thing (he wound up with a nasty foot infection from the strain of working on it!). There were points in the process where I said, "That's good enough, just cover the rest!" But no - Brad would have nothing of that. He wanted every bit of root taken out and never wanted these things to be a problem again. I think maybe this is an example I need to follow with some of the "issues" in my life that I struggle with. Avoidance or covering them up with something else isn't going to "solve" the problems. The roots of these things will eventually make their way to the surface.

So today, though I know others have it much worse, I give myself permission to feel crummy. It doesn't mean I'm not so very grateful for all I have, it means that my crud, the baggage of my life, is weighing extra heavy today and it's okay to feel the weight as I drag it along the path. Maybe I'll open the bag and see what's in there that doesn't even belong to me. It might be that I've picked up someone else's stuff along the way. Maybe there's stuff in my bags that I don't need anymore. (I'm notorious for holding onto things too long!) I know that as I work on making choices to trust God's direction, his leading and his provision in my life, tomorrow the same bags might feel a bit lighter and eventually, they'll feel so light, maybe I'll be able to help someone else carry their luggage for awhile.