A few weeks ago I had the treat of seeing one of the plays at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in Ashland. It really was the highlight of the summer in many ways. I went with my dear friend Rene, who has always been one of my favorite people to talk theater with. She attended Hofstra University and did theater work in New York and in London before coming home to the northwest. She and her girls were here for 4 weeks and we had so much fun with them! They left Sunday and I miss them already! She is one of my "easy" friends. Easy to be around, easy to laugh with, easy to be real with. The hard part was choosing what play to see. We chose "The Winter's Tale" because it's rarely staged by Shakespeare companies. I'm not sure why, except that of all his plays, it has the least amount of political intrigue or bawdy humor or classical romance. It really is a spiritual play and deals with such a interesting premise: do we really listen to the counsel of our friends? How can one trust the truth and can we be forgiven for turning our back on it?
In Sicilia King Leontes and Queen Hermione, deeply in love, await the birth of their second child. King Polixenes of Bohemia, Leontes' best friend since boyhood, has come for a lengthy visit. Then, in an instant, Leontes becomes convinced that his wife and his friend are lovers and that Polixenes fathered Hermione's child. No one can convince him otherwise, though they try valiantly. He is adamant in his belief and has a "hit" put out on his friend and banishes his wife to prison.
I wont ruin the play for those who haven't read or seen it yet, but there is somewhat of a happy ending. But years of pain and loss come to Leontes and those around him because of this tragic breakdown in communication. Through it all, there is one character that craftily, yet boldly, tells him the truth, that his wife was faithful and he is wrong in his accusations.
I loved watching her character (Paulina) as she walked that fine line that could bring Leontes back to reality or wind up costing her own life and freedom. It was like holding your breath watching her dance around a live minefield as she crafted arguments in defense of Queen Hermione. Though it took 16 years for Leontes to repent and admit that she was right, she was a faithful friend to him through the years, never judging him but providing him with the truth in measurements that wouldn't tip his fragile mental scales. Until the day when he was ready to admit to the fullness of his error. Then she pulled no punches and let him walk through the pain of his actions and realize the tragic consequences. But because it's Shakespeare, nothing is left as you would expect it and reunions and marriages go hand in hand with acts of confessions and repentance. It really is a wonderful story and I'd urge anyone to see it if given the chance.
The story of Leontes has lodged itself in my mind like a pebble in my shoe. I seem to be thinking about it often and seeing the threads of this concept in the world around me. Who are our friends and do we really listen to them? And, are we the kind of friends who will tell the truth, regardless of the negative circumstances that might come?
Michelle at Full Soul asked her readers the other day about whether she should confront friends in dangerous relationships. I've been treading water at work, not wanting to rock the boat and speak up about issues that should probably be addressed. When Rene was here we both shared stories about people who had hurt us that we had never confronted. When I disagree or have issues with someone, including my family, I'm always running my feelings and responses through a very tight filter that edits out anything that might seem abrasive, divisive, offensive, hurtful or rebellious. Unfortunately, after that, there might not be much left of how I'm truly feeling.
I have begun to wonder, why is it that in many circumstances today, speaking the truth or hearing the truth can be so - questionable? When did the truth become something that was so hard to hold onto, like a slippery baby in the bathtub who would rather be free of the safety of her mother's hands, but for her own sake, needs to be protected, contained, and restrained? Why do the seeds of doubt in my own ability to know what is real, what is right, what is true, seem to grow noxious weeds that choke my ability to speak up? I doubt I'm the only one who struggles with this. How would our world situation be different right now if people in power listened to those around them who were brave enough to tell the whole truth?
Ahh, the listening part. Do I really listen to the ones who speak the truth? Or do I listen to the tapes in my head that claim, "That can't be, you don't deserve such happiness, you can't be successful, you don't have the drive, the ambition to make it so." Am I stumbling through my life like Leontes believing falsehoods when the truth is right in front of me? Will I end up wasting 16 years (or more) in this delusion? Who will I hurt in the process besides myself?
I love the questions that old Will leaves us with in the play and hope to find my way closer to the answers. I really want to be someone who boldly speaks the truth, seeks the truth, lives in truth and confronts with the truth. I left the play that day thinking, "Wow - if I was an actress, I'd love to play Paulina."
Wow - in my life, I'd really like to be more like Paulina. Telling the truth and saving kingdoms, one person at a time.
7 comments:
Fascinating post, Kim. A lot there to ponder.
I've never read (or seen a performance of) "A Winter's Tale" and it sounds interesting. As a rule, I detest Shakespeare's tragedies (love the comedies), but if the king comes to see and believe the truth before everything is utterly and irrevocably lost to him, maybe I'd feel differently about this one.
What I dislike so much about Othello (and it sounds like they share some similiar themes) is that everyone around Iago believes his lies in preference to every single person who ever tries to tell the truth, until it's too late and the lives of anyone we (the readers) have come to care about have either ended or been left in ruins. And, yeah, ok..."tragedy", I get that. But I still hate it.
Kim,
I absolutely loved reading your thoughts on this. Being truthful (with grace)is something I am learning to do, but it has come at a cost. Speaking up when others don't, or when they don't want to listen, or don't see it, or decide you're the one with the issues, is very difficult. However, I feel that gentle prodding from the Spirit that this is another part of what "walking in the light" is all about"...seeing things, living things out, as they really are--not fooling ourselves or living in denial. I too have seen issues at your work place ;-) that I keep feeling I should say something about...but it is SO difficult to do. (Can't someone else be burdened with this?!?) I'll be praying for you my dear sister. And, let's be encouraging one another to keep striving toward truth and being bold in it! At least we'll have each other!
Thank you for sharing~ Love ya! Cheryl
Is it 'A Winter's Tale' that has the famous stage direction 'exit pursued by a bear' or words to that effect? I think I saw it years ago at an open air amatuer production that do Shakespeare every summer on a picturesque little island near here. The plays are only slightly spoiled by the noise of peacocks and being bitten by mosquiotes!
Anyway, a lot of interesting points to ponder. I've been thinking recently how people seem to be very willing to believe lies in the form of consiparcy theories and such. I guess the problem is that we are so used to politicians, newspapers, whatever telling us lies that we have lost the ability to discern when people are telling us the truth. A bit like the characters in Othello which deb mentions, somehow the lies seem more believable to us than the truth does.
Anyway, I haven't been to see any Shakespeare in ages, but, and maybe it's on account of my being English, I can't help but love his plays. I find the language intoxicating, the stories are brilliantly crafted and they speak brilliantly of the human condition. But then it is hard to be objective of our national literary treasure!
Lovely post, Kim. Speaking the truth isn't always easy, but I think we do ourselves an injustice if we don't try. I'm so glad you had the opportunity to see the play with your good friend. I like Shakespeare's plays and got to visit his birthplace, etc. in Stratford-upon-Avon last week, as well as the theatre. It was a real treat - something I'd hoped for all my life.
Kim-I love this show and I also don't understand why it isn't staged all that much. I've been struggling with this same issue. I had to tell a friend the truth about how her actions hurt me and I felt unworthy of it at first. I think the enemy would much rather have us carry our hurt and disappointment around than deal with issues and create stronger, more intimate relationships with each other. I think one of the things that scared me the most is that I am so frightened of being called on something that I was afraid to do it. I think we all walk that tightrope...afraid to say what needs to be said and afraid to hear what needs to be heard. It's definitely one of the ways I'm being stretched by Him right now.
"To thine ownself be true" another famous Shakespeare quote from Hamlet!
I like this quote for a number of reasons....if you look at it closely....it actually is packed with a lot of wisdom....
When I read this quote I started asking myself alot of questions? Like: What is my definition of the truth?
And then, I started thinking about other people's "truths" what may be true for me, may not be true for them!
Everyone has their own definition of what truth is...ah yes... there's another word that comes to mind...relativism!
I think we (me included) spend alot of time in the "knee jerk reaction" phase, when we have been wronged by another person, or like so many times a day or two passes and then I think, "what just happened?" and I realize that I don't spend very much time listening to people and understanding where they are coming from. Or vice-versa!
That's why I ask questions in situations that leave me feeling uncomfortable....but that means I have to "know myself pretty well and listen to myself too!" When something or someone has "gotten under my skin" the first thing I do is question if what I hear was true and then I go back to the person for clarification....I ask alot of questions and then I very graciously let them know about some discrepancies....alot of times, its just a misunderstanding on my part, but its good to let the person know, for alot of reasons, namely that you are aware (acknowledging) that you are listening and hearing them. I say, "I" alot too instead of saying "YOU" (very accusatory language...can you tell I'm a person who loves language?)
Here's another word to look up in the dictionary...."confrontation".
I used to think confrontation was so that you could go "beat" someone up with your words and tell them how they made you feel.
But confrontation is for clarification (like what I said above), questioning, listening, getting feed back. It's a two-way street, so to speak.
Confrontation, when viewed from the perspective of gaining more knowledge about a situation, and the result should be that you both move both into a deeper understanding of each other, therefore increasing intimacy with that other person, aknowledging them and they reciprocating; acknowledging you.
The motive for confrontation should never be done with an attitude of "Lording over another person" but because you BOTH want to reconcile, or fix a "rupture" in a relationship! If that person doesn't acknowledge your feelings...then they don't care about your feelings or maybe don't care about you....hmmm....then you need to re-examine the relationship at that point.
To me, one needs to be in a "relationship" with a person before confronting and telling the truth.
I'm learning all this because I have been a horrible communicator, and am learning how to be a better communicator...easier said than done.
Another general formula I use for "telliing someone the truth", sort of a "recipe" for sharing:
GRACE + TRUTH + LOVE + TIME = HEALING
If you feel you have been wronged in some way and you can't let it go...and its a relationship that you care deeply about...tread softly, humbly and be ready to learn..... if they acknowledge, ie, apologize....you've got a "keeper" of a friend....if they don't acknowledge your feelings and don't apologize..."HOUSTON YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM!"
Loved what you shared Kim, you got me thinking.
Hugs to you,
Paula
Great post! Great questions, too. I wish I had the answers. I could say what I think, but I am afraid to start to rant on a blog that isn't mine. LOL!
I have been to Ashland many time to see the plays. I just love them!! LOVE THEM!! But I have never seen this one. My MIL and I have been wanting to go for years. Maybe this year we will. I miss it.
:)
Post a Comment