As I sit here tonight after an exhausing two days of strategy and planning meetings for my work, I could wish for the simplest of things. A good night's sleep in my own bed to make up for the lousy one last night in the creaky twin bed with the faux wood headboard that banged against the wall every time I moved. I could wish for a chilled glass of chardonnay to wind down my brain that is still going ninety miles an hour from the deep discussions about the poorest of the poor, and the hopeless situations in this world, and the monumental tasks of showing these people that we really do care as well as moving those around us to action. I could wish that all the questions brought up this weekend would be magically answered and the group of thirty people I spent the weekend with could stop talking, and start DOING the work. Ahhh - tonight that is what I would wish for. But then I would wake up in the morning and . . .
WAIT! What have I done? I wasted one of my wishes on a glass of wine? On a good night's sleep? Wait. Hold on. Rewind. Let me think about this for a minute. Only three wishes? I'd keep that last one, but the first two I would chnage, I'm sure. In the light of day, with less tired bones and a clear head, I'm sure I would be wiser in my first two choices. I think I would selfishly wish two things for myself. I know - not very "Christian" of me, but I think I have a better pulse on what I would need than what others would need.
First, I wish that I could joyfully and cheerfully give without expecting in return. Give compliments, give love, give compassion, give money, give my time, give my possessions, give my opinion, give my heart and soul. Without expectation and sans strings - visible or not. I wish I could do this with a pure heart and without wondering, "Who is going to give to me?"
Then, I wish that I could turn off the part of me that says, "You will never be able to do that - you are too flawed, too shallow, too needy and too selfish." I wish that part of me would take a permanent vacation. The mobster kind. Like taking that attitude and filling it's boots with cement mix and dropping it into the river, kind of vacation and finding the freedom from the "hit" out on my soul. Freedom to be who I believe God wants me to be.
Not very sexy or lottery-esque but I think I'd take those wishes over good chardonnay and great sleep any day.
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