Saturday, May 20, 2006

Sunday Scribbling - Three Wishes

As I sit here tonight after an exhausing two days of strategy and planning meetings for my work, I could wish for the simplest of things. A good night's sleep in my own bed to make up for the lousy one last night in the creaky twin bed with the faux wood headboard that banged against the wall every time I moved. I could wish for a chilled glass of chardonnay to wind down my brain that is still going ninety miles an hour from the deep discussions about the poorest of the poor, and the hopeless situations in this world, and the monumental tasks of showing these people that we really do care as well as moving those around us to action. I could wish that all the questions brought up this weekend would be magically answered and the group of thirty people I spent the weekend with could stop talking, and start DOING the work. Ahhh - tonight that is what I would wish for. But then I would wake up in the morning and . . .

WAIT! What have I done? I wasted one of my wishes on a glass of wine? On a good night's sleep? Wait. Hold on. Rewind. Let me think about this for a minute. Only three wishes? I'd keep that last one, but the first two I would chnage, I'm sure. In the light of day, with less tired bones and a clear head, I'm sure I would be wiser in my first two choices. I think I would selfishly wish two things for myself. I know - not very "Christian" of me, but I think I have a better pulse on what I would need than what others would need.

First, I wish that I could joyfully and cheerfully give without expecting in return. Give compliments, give love, give compassion, give money, give my time, give my possessions, give my opinion, give my heart and soul. Without expectation and sans strings - visible or not. I wish I could do this with a pure heart and without wondering, "Who is going to give to me?"

Then, I wish that I could turn off the part of me that says, "You will never be able to do that - you are too flawed, too shallow, too needy and too selfish." I wish that part of me would take a permanent vacation. The mobster kind. Like taking that attitude and filling it's boots with cement mix and dropping it into the river, kind of vacation and finding the freedom from the "hit" out on my soul. Freedom to be who I believe God wants me to be.

Not very sexy or lottery-esque but I think I'd take those wishes over good chardonnay and great sleep any day.

Read more Sunday Scribblings here.

17 comments:

Yak Attacker said...

Pure honesty. Thank you for being so transparent. Blessings to you!
Bonnie

Amber said...

Oh Kim! I bet those two wishes already came true. You are obviously a good person like that! If you were not, you wouldn't have spent the day doing what you were doing.

Bless your heart.

:)

Catherine said...

I second Amber's comments. It sounds like you have a very worthwhile job, when it's not overwhelmingly busy.

megg said...

I love that idea of wasting wishes when we are tired and worn down. I wonder sometimes what the world would be like if we all came at every decision and day clear-headed and wide awake - what a different world it would be!

paris parfait said...

I agree with Amber and Catherine. You're doing good things in the world and nobody - not even one - is without flaws. Don't be so hard on yourself! It's human nature to have expectations and to be sad if they're not always met. I like your analogy of sending the doubts off wearing cement shoes. Nice post.

Cate said...

Oh, I'm still grinning over the "mob vacation" remark!

This is such a lovely piece of writing, a truly enjoyable read. I can feel your quiet struggle and I think that you are so admirable for giving a voice, so selfless, to those desires!

What a beautiful, inspirational person you are . . . thank you!

Jennifer said...

excellent

Tammy said...

Beautifully said and I'm certain some are already true from the comments of your friends.

May all you wish for come true :)

Brad said...

When Jimminy Cricket said "When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are" He was saying it as the conscience of Pinochio.

What is your conscience telling you?

Go for it.

b

boliyou said...

Terrific wishes, every one worthy of coming true.

Laini said...

Love the idea of giving your inner-critic a "mobster type" vacation! I want to do that too! And your other wishes are so lovely and soulful. With a heart like yours I'm sure you make the world a better place every day.

papyrus said...

Thank God for second thoughts in the clear light of day. And thank you for this piece.

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