The price of joy

Lunch at a burger joint with a monkey named Elvis: $22
Two nights at a hotel room at the coast : $257
Seafood dinner eaten with a view of the bay: $34
Dinner at the Tiki Hut with the nicest hosts you could imagine including a Macaw named Gypsy: $30
Trip to the Newport Aquarium: $24 (with free entry coupons for the kids)
Fixin's for Smores at our beach campfire: $5

A wonderful weekend with the family, creating memories to last a lifetime (or at least through the crazy days of fall): Priceless.

OK, so I borrowed Mastercard's formula, but the fun was all ours. We had a wonderful "last hurrah" of summer weekend at the Oregon Coast. The kids were great (who am I kidding, they always are great!) and the weather was cool and crisp but warm enough to play. We had a wonderful time and feel so blessed to have had this special weekend together. It was a busy summer for us and fall is always crazy with Brad heading back to school, both kids in soccer and my work gearing up for one of its busiest times. (In fact, I really should be working now, but I couldn't wait to share the fun pictures with you all. I promise, I'll post and then it's straight to work for the rest of the day!) The memories and experiences of the weekend will hopefully get us through the busy months to come.

I'm so blessed to have a husband who makes so many sacrifices for his family (painting houses all summer so we have the money to do fun things like this) and kids who are so good and appreciate spending time with their parents. With N. heading off to middle school next week, I know the days of wanting to "hang out" with her parents will quickly become fewer and I'm trying to make sure I make the most of this time while I still can.

Hope you are all enjoying the last days of summer. Leave me a note in the comments if you have any special traditions to close out the season!

"It is required you do awake Your faith." - W. Shakespeare

A few weeks ago I had the treat of seeing one of the plays at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in Ashland. It really was the highlight of the summer in many ways. I went with my dear friend Rene, who has always been one of my favorite people to talk theater with. She attended Hofstra University and did theater work in New York and in London before coming home to the northwest. She and her girls were here for 4 weeks and we had so much fun with them! They left Sunday and I miss them already! She is one of my "easy" friends. Easy to be around, easy to laugh with, easy to be real with.

The hard part was choosing what play to see. We chose "The Winter's Tale" because it's rarely staged by Shakespeare companies. I'm not sure why, except that of all his plays, it has the least amount of political intrigue or bawdy humor or classical romance. It really is a spiritual play and deals with such a interesting premise: do we really listen to the counsel of our friends? How can one trust the truth and can we be forgiven for turning our back on it?

In Sicilia King Leontes and Queen Hermione, deeply in love, await the birth of their second child. King Polixenes of Bohemia, Leontes' best friend since boyhood, has come for a lengthy visit. Then, in an instant, Leontes becomes convinced that his wife and his friend are lovers and that Polixenes fathered Hermione's child. No one can convince him otherwise, though they try valiantly. He is adamant in his belief and has a "hit" put out on his friend and banishes his wife to prison.

I wont ruin the play for those who haven't read or seen it yet, but there is somewhat of a happy ending. But years of pain and loss come to Leontes and those around him because of this tragic breakdown in communication. Through it all, there is one character that craftily, yet boldly, tells him the truth, that his wife was faithful and he is wrong in his accusations.

I loved watching her character (Paulina) as she walked that fine line that could bring Leontes back to reality or wind up costing her own life and freedom. It was like holding your breath watching her dance around a live minefield as she crafted arguments in defense of Queen Hermione. Though it took 16 years for Leontes to repent and admit that she was right, she was a faithful friend to him through the years, never judging him but providing him with the truth in measurements that wouldn't tip his fragile mental scales. Until the day when he was ready to admit to the fullness of his error. Then she pulled no punches and let him walk through the pain of his actions and realize the tragic consequences. But because it's Shakespeare, nothing is left as you would expect it and reunions and marriages go hand in hand with acts of confessions and repentance. It really is a wonderful story and I'd urge anyone to see it if given the chance.

The story of Leontes has lodged itself in my mind like a pebble in my shoe. I seem to be thinking about it often and seeing the threads of this concept in the world around me. Who are our friends and do we really listen to them? And, are we the kind of friends who will tell the truth, regardless of the negative circumstances that might come?

Michelle at Full Soul asked her readers the other day about whether she should confront friends in dangerous relationships. I've been treading water at work, not wanting to rock the boat and speak up about issues that should probably be addressed. When Rene was here we both shared stories about people who had hurt us that we had never confronted. When I disagree or have issues with someone, including my family, I'm always running my feelings and responses through a very tight filter that edits out anything that might seem abrasive, divisive, offensive, hurtful or rebellious. Unfortunately, after that, there might not be much left of how I'm truly feeling.


I have begun to wonder, why is it that in many circumstances today, speaking the truth or hearing the truth can be so - questionable? When did the truth become something that was so hard to hold onto, like a slippery baby in the bathtub who would rather be free of the safety of her mother's hands, but for her own sake, needs to be protected, contained, and restrained? Why do the seeds of doubt in my own ability to know what is real, what is right, what is true, seem to grow noxious weeds that choke my ability to speak up? I doubt I'm the only one who struggles with this. How would our world situation be different right now if people in power listened to those around them who were brave enough to tell the whole truth?

Ahh, the listening part. Do I really listen to the ones who speak the truth? Or do I listen to the tapes in my head that claim, "That can't be, you don't deserve such happiness, you can't be successful, you don't have the drive, the ambition to make it so." Am I stumbling through my life like Leontes believing falsehoods when the truth is right in front of me? Will I end up wasting 16 years (or more) in this delusion? Who will I hurt in the process besides myself?

I love the questions that old Will leaves us with in the play and hope to find my way closer to the answers. I really want to be someone who boldly speaks the truth, seeks the truth, lives in truth and confronts with the truth. I left the play that day thinking, "Wow - if I was an actress, I'd love to play Paulina."

Wow - in my life, I'd really like to be more like Paulina. Telling the truth and saving kingdoms, one person at a time.

The Welcome Mat

Summer is a tough time to blog. The desire is there but the sunshine and the outside activities seem to pull like a magnet. The smell of cut grass, blooming flowers and the musty smell of cool water against the warm pavement are hypnotic. The glowing lights of the monitor have no chance against the evening sun setting in the sky and the sounds of the kids playing "Sardines" in the street.

But the draw to blog is there also. In between trips to the pool, watering plants, having garage sales, cleaning said garage after the sale and all the other fun activities, I have been keeping up on my favorites and adding some new ones. At the beginning and ends of my day I often find myself stealing a few minutes to check on my favorites and make sure I'm not missing out on your pearls of wisdom or gems of humor.

In honor of some of my friends who have recently started blogs (Cheryl & Paula) and some recently discovered new favorites, I'm dusting off the welcome mat. If you have a chance, stop by their blogs and encourage them with a "welcome to blogging" comment. I know that meant so much to me in my early blogging days. You can look at my Blogrolling links to the left to see some of my friends and my favorites. If you haven't visted them yet, check out Michelle at Full Soul Ahead and Jenny at Roughly Speaking. Their efforts to move forward in their blooming writing careers have motivated and inspired me.

And if you're not participating in Sunday Scribblings yet, well, why not? It's a fun and encouraging way to practice your writing skills with a creative and often eye-opening prompt. I'd encourage you to check out the very talented writers that particpate each week. It's been a great way to connect with bloggers from all parts of the world and read some very amazing stories.

My bloggie-friend Amber continues to amaze me with her raw and honest writing about the struggles of her life and how she has overcome them. She has an absolutely heart-wrenching post up today that is worth the read for anyone who feels lost and is struggling to understand the trials they are in. I am so grateful for her insight and how she uses the lessons learned from her own pain to encourage others through theirs.

Pimping my Honey: Not to brag or anything, but go to my friend Dean's blog to read about a really cool project my hubby was involved in this summer. (Read the two entries about the roof.)

Lastly, I've been grazing through a stack of books this summer working on my creativity in respect to writing. This morning I read this in Julia Cameron's, The Artist's Way and it made me think of all my blogging friends.

"Artists love other artists. Shadow artists are gravitating to their rightful tribe but cannot yet claim their birthright. Very often audacity, not talent, makes one person an artist and another a shadow artist - hiding in the shadows, afraid to step out and expose the dream to the light, fearful that it will disintegrate to the touch."

I think one of the reasons I love blogging so much is because I'm in that shaddow spot and working up the courage to step into the light. I think I've got maybe a foot out so far, but slowly and surely, I'm drawing enough wisdom, encouragement and power from those who are living their dreams that someday I'll emerge with words and stories and characters to share with anyone who will read them. So thanks to all of you, and you're welcome at my door, physical or virtual, anytime!

Sunday Scribbling - What else could I still be?

I have been a Sunday Scribbling Slacker. A lazy, drunk with the sunshine, summertime slothful, avoiding anything that takes too much brain power, kind of a slacker.

I skipped last week. The "What could I have been . . ." post just would have been too daunting. Too convicting. Perhaps, if I'm honest, it seemed like it would be too disappointing.

This week's post seems a bit more hopeful but I still catch myself with a bit of the "why bothers". But in the spirit of wishing upon a star, following dreams and making them come true just like my favorite Disney films, here is what could be in the life of Kim . . .

I could be a concert violinist, except that I sold my violin for money towards a down payment on our home. But maybe, I could find a disgruntled little kid that didn't want theirs anymore and I could practice until I was good enough to play again with an orchestra. I could travel the world with a renowned maestro and play in the greatest concert halls in the world.

I could be a writer for a successful television show with characters that make you weep through their trials and sufferings and laugh at their clever lines. I could sit with the stars at the Golden Globes and hear my name called as one of the writers of the best Drama of the year.

I could be an artist. The kind that move you with their images of color form and feeling. I could wake each day with the knowledge that I could share an experience with my creator and CREATE something that day. I could feel the pleasure, the awe, the agony, the joy of bringing something beautiful into the world.

I could be a singer, the kind who sounds like they were dropped from heaven and carry every bit of divinity in the blend of notes that comes from their throats. They would play my songs on the radio and my favorite singers would be calling begging to do a duet with me.

I could be a spy. One that speaks eight languages and carries passports from different countries and know secret codes and saves lives on a daily basis. I would make sure the bad guys are put away and the crooked ones were exposed for their lies. I would uncover the plots and plans of those who seek to hurt the innocent and I would always do it in the snappiest looking outfits.

I could write a novel. A really good one. One that is taught in college courses by the smartest of graduate students who know what really good literature is. I could be added to the great "list" that everyone talks about of all the great books one should read. I could be invited to Oprah and she could sing my praises to her beloved Gail and the rest of the world and beg me to write another book that she could slap her big "O" sticker upon. I could walk into Powell's and see my book with a staff recommendations tag underneath it.

I could be a mom that raises kids who know how to live, how to be kind and how to help others. I could love them unconditionally and support them in any thing they choose to do, even if it's working at Taco Bell. I could be the kind of wife who faithfully supports her husband and laughs at his silly jokes, hugs him when he is handed disappointment and always remembers him as the stunning guy in the tux who took her breath away those years ago.

I could be a grandmother someday. One who spoils her grandkids and tells stories of how their parents used to misbehave. I could be the one who listens, really listens to their stories, treasures their crayon masterpieces and actually wears their Fruit Loop necklaces.

I could be a lifelong friend. Always willing to help, to encourage, to nurture and to challenge those who grace me with their time and their love. I could remember birthdays, anniversaries and even the losses of life and always be ready with a loaf of banana bread, a card or a glass of good chardonnay depending on the occasion.

I could be all of that, or none of that. Time will tell. And who knows what tomorrow will bring? Perhaps the FBI will be knocking on my door tomorrow. Better check my closet for snappy outfits . . .

For more stories of what could be, go here.

The good news, the bad news and any old news

Okay - time for some fun.

Today's headlines were a veritable buffet line of snark and fun mixed with a bit of hope. Who can resist these headlines?

"Twin Pandas Each Give Birth to Twins in China" - So exciting! A boost to the conservation efforts of these beautiful creatures. Do you think they're registered at Babies R Us?

Not to be outdone by the Pandas . . .
"Colorado-born Lynx has Twin Kittens" Awwww - ain't that sweet! Love is in the air . . . and speaking of kittens . . .

"Pictures of Tomkitten to Come This Fall" - seems only appropriate that one of the most bizarre Hollywood couples would treat their kid like a pilot program for a network channel. "Let's wait for sweeps week and then release her photo! Yeah - that's the ticket!" Groan.

"Robin Williams in Rehab" - OK not to get too snarky here, but what the heck took the media so long to figure this one out? There have been reports of sightings of him here in Oregon for weeks. I have to believe this only became a real story AFTER the Mel Gibson escapade. Drunk celebrities are news this week, next week they'll just be just . . . well, drunk celebrities.

"Another Reality TV Marriage Flames Out" Oh my gosh, really? (snark) Travis Barker of Blink-182 and beauty queen Shanna Moakler announced they are divorcing. Let's see, Nick & Jess, Dave & Carmen, Travis & Shanna - MTV as a matchmaker? 0 for 3.

"McCartneys Hire Charles & Diana Lawyers" Oh the British Press have to be drooling like dogs at the butcher shop window. "It's all getting Muccy" says The Sun. (A play on McCartney's last name.) This will be fodder for the rags for months if it drags on the way they're predicting. OK - who are Paul McCartney's friends and advisors? They should all be tarred and feathered in Traffalager Square for letting this guy get married without a pre-nup. Duh!


"Extra Finger Leads Salem Police to Arrest" This one's courtesy of the local news here in Oregon (KGW - Newschanel 8). Yup - we got some smart criminal types out here.

When police asked suspect Kenneth McPherson for his name, he gave officers his brother'’s name and date of birth instead, said Lt. Steve Bellshaw with the Salem Police Department.

However, police quickly uncovered McPherson'’s lie -- a check of the brother's criminal history revealed he only had nine fingers.

“Officers quickly verified the person they had in custody was in possession of all 10 of his fingers,” Bellshaw said. “When confronted by the ‘extra’ finger, McPherson gave up his true identity and the fact he had four warrants for his arrest, all previous drug-related charges.”

McPherson was charged with giving false information to a police officer.

"World Trade Center Movie Opens" - I have nothing snarky to say about this one. In fact, I'm a bit frustrated with critics who say it's too soon to be doing movies about this catastrophic event. Excuse me, but I'm personally grateful that there are those that will keep this event in front of us so we don't forget. It is far to easy to slip into denial and complacancy and forget our vulnerabilities. I don't want to live our lives in fear, but we must keep some sort of awareness that there are those few, but crazy individuals that would like to see us destroyed simply because we are Americans. I'm very interested in collecting those hooligans and locking them away. My idea of the perfect torture would be to have them watch a continuous cycle of "Teletubbies", Reruns of the best of Tammy Faye Bakker and the best of Sesame Street (this last one so they could see what good world citizens really look like!) The rest of their countrymen and women, I'd like to wish them well and say, "Peace - live your lives - worship as you desire - practice your culture as you desire and please grant us the same."

And the best headline today (in my humble opinion) . . .

"Israel on Hold" If they can't hang up, we'll take a hold. Please Lord, stop this suffering for all involved. Those of you who pray, or practice, or think positive thoughts, please lift up those thoughts and prayers that walls of pride will fall and reason will prevail and a cease fire will be reached quickly.

The Messenger

From the August 14th Issue of Newsweek Magazine, a great story about Billy Graham and his life and ministry. To read more go here.

"A unifying theme of Graham's new thinking is humility. He is sure and certain of his faith in Jesus as the way to salvation. When asked whether he believes heaven will be closed to good Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus or secular people, though, Graham says: 'Those are decisions only the Lord will make. It would be foolish for me to speculate on who will be there and who won't ... I don't want to speculate about all that. I believe the love of God is absolute. He said he gave his son for the whole world, and I think he loves everybody regardless of what label they have.' Such an ecumenical spirit may upset some Christian hard-liners, but in Graham's view, only God knows who is going to be saved: 'As an evangelist for more than six decades, Mr. Graham has faithfully proclaimed the Bible's Gospel message that Jesus is the only way to Heaven,' says Graham spokesman A. Larry Ross. 'However, salvation is the work of Almighty God, and only he knows what is in each human heart.'"

How different the world might be if all leaders would be so humble. A great man with a great message.

Peace in the Neighborhood

It's been a strange and sad day today. I knew it would be hard. A friend and I planned a garage sale because this was the only open Saturday from here until Christmas it seems. I drove 6 hours yesterday from Ashland after getting only a few hours of sleep the night before. My friend and I had been talking into the wee hours of the morning and it made for an exhausting few hours last night as I tried to move table, sort through boxes and price my "treasures" for the sale today. A few hours of sleep in my own bed helped and I was up at 6:15 am today hoping for a successful sale.

My friend arrived with a cup of Starbucks for me and we quickly set to work setting out our wares. Usually I absolutely love doing garage sales. I love chatting with people and teasingly convincing some of the shy ones to dig deeper into the boxes and look more closely at the tables to find the treasures they are looking for. But today was hard. It was hot and after having an episode of heat exhaustion last week after the fair (one that consisted of the worst headache of my life and a queasy stomach that threatened to revolt if I even walked by the door of a bathroom), I really wasn't wanting a repeat of that experience. I forgot to put sunscreen on so I'm sitting here with a burning face and shoulders. I made out okay but still have boxes to get rid of in my garage (it was too hot to take them to Goodwill this afternoon so I'm taking them tomorrow).

But what has me bummed is more than the weather or the dismal sales. Today a piece of my Eden was encroached upon. My vision of my perfect neighborhood had a big greasy loogie hocked upon it. As one of the garage sale patrons walked up the driveway I greeted her and asked if I could help her find anything. She said, "Do you know your neighbors very well?" Thinking, what an interesting question, I prepared to launch into my very well practiced speech about how I loved my neighborhood and how great all the families are and how I love it on my street, she spoke before I could start. "Your neighbors are fighting down the street and I'm wondering if you should call someone."

My neighbors? My neighbors don't fight. I thought she must be mistaken. It must be a road rage kind of thing with some of the people who had just left the garage sale. I grabbed my cell phone and started walking the few houses down the block. My heart sunk as I saw my neighbor in her driveway, sobbing, standing shaking in front of the driver's side door of her husband's truck. He was screaming at her and her mother as my other neighbor was in the driveway on the phone with 911. I walked over as the man strode back in the house and was able to comfort the distraught woman. The man stormed back outside yelling at me and the other neighbor to leave and mind our business with many colorful adjectives thrown in to express just how angry he was. He then tried again to manhandle his wife, twisting her arm to get her away from the truck. She's a big gal and to her credit, stood her ground. You see, he had already been in two fender-benders that morning, had a few beers after that and was clearly just not himself. This is one of the most gentle and kindest guy. I NEVER would have believed you if you would have told me he was capable of doing and saying what I saw and heard today.

Three patrol cars later, they finally decided that it might be more of a medical issue than a true abuse issue. He had started some new medication and he was sent to the hospital to be checked out. Unfortunately, the discharged him within two hours and because they are not legally married, the did not tell my friend anything about his condition. When she went to go pick him up at the hospital, he refused to come with her and started on another verbal attack. He was still clearly altered, not knowing what day it was and acting so strangely. I took one of her sons for the evening and brought him with my kids to church and fed him dinner. When I brought him home, "J" was at home sleeping it off. My neighbor says she thinks he'll probably wake tomorrow and not remember what happened.

Not remember that he acted like an abuser in front of his kids and neighbors? I don't think so. If he needs his memory jogged, I think I'll remind him. I'm
not wanting to punish the guy, if it really was a medical issue, than I'm all ready to forgive (NOT forget, mind you) and let him work at earning back the trust I once gave him. But if it's not, buddy - you just might want to find another neighborhood because if you don't want neighbors that step in when you're acting like an ass, then you need to move. Because I'm not going anywhere.

That was just ONE of the cruddy things that happened today. My other neighbor, the good Samaritan that was on the phone, found out today that his brother has days to live. It wasn't his favorite day either. Tonight, we had a guest speaker at church from a theological seminary in Lebanon. He is stuck in the US and can't get home. He gave an amazing picture of the true depth of the conflict of the Middle East and had an interesting perspective on what might bring about a resolution. He basically advocates that by the US using the term "terrorist" we create an image of a sub-human group of people. There are those that commit specific acts of terror, but they include ANY military organization that target civilians with harm. By labeling some terrorists, we absolve ourselves of the need to pursue active dialogue and pursue real and true resolutions. He likened it to the story/myth of the man who was fighting a fierce battle, feeling attacks on all sides, but then woke to find he was fighting a windmill. When will we as a country wake to see the windmill? What will we do, as Christians, as the church, as a follower of Christ, do to make sure we are part of a solution based on justice, mercy and love? I left with a heavy heart, but I think, no, I know, that God is not always interested in our comfort.

He's done his job. I'm plenty uncomfortable tonight.

I will pray that I'll come to a new level of understanding of who God is and what he wants for me in all these situations. And that I have the courage to act - even if it's only to walk on my street with the hope for peace here and in every neighborhood from here to Lebanon.

Note to self: watch out for those high horses . . . and a birthday wish

Thanks everyone for your great comments on my last post. I know that parenting issues and especially conversations about discipline can become "hot" issues very quickly. Please know that I in no way intended to hurt or offend anyone by my comments. I sincerely apologize if you felt that way. I really appreciated the positive tone of all of your comments, even those of you who didn't agree with my position. Thank you for being so gracious and know that I respect all of your positions on parenting.

Michelle, thanks for your comments about raising a special needs child. I am such a fan of your blog and am so overwhelmed by your devotion to Riley and making sure she gets every opportunity to enjoy and be successful in her life. I love how you call Riley your teacher and I feel the same about my children. I learn so much about myself through them and the most revealing lessons seem to come when they are in rebellion mode. How will I react? How will I respond? How will I use this moment to teach them what they need to know one year from now, five years from now, ten years from now? I get the impression from reading your blog that we're probably closer in parenting philosophy than it might seem from reading my last post. I know that you must adapt for Riley's needs but I sense that you actively work at teaching her strategies to deal with the behavior issues that she struggles with. Thank you for the very gentle, but firm reminder that I don't always know what's going on behind the fits and tantrums that other kids may throw. I needed to hear that. We all need to hear that. Those high horses can look pretty good and we might want to climb on their backs when our kids are acting like little angels while others are acting like little turds, but the thing about high horses is they may look good, but they're still full of, well you know . . .

I do know that every kid is different. Every family is different. And I agree, each parent must find their own way. I guess where my "2 cents" post came from is having some friends at church, in the neighborhood and at my kids' schools where the parents moan and groan about behavior problems but make no changes to what they are doing to try to solve them. I think when offered the chance to share, I just wanted to offer something that has worked for me. Kind of like sharing a good recipe, you just want others to enjoy the sweet stuff you have found.

Again, thanks to you all for the great comments. I appreciate the challenges and the encouragements!

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Fun at the fair!

I wrote in one of my previous posts that I entered some photos in the county fair. Well, we didn't win anything, but here are some pictures of our entries.



























Happy Birthday Little Princess!

Today, my baby girl turns 12! Agghh! Where have the years gone? She came into the world a big bundle of sunshine and she continues to light my days! Happy Birthday sweetie!