Retreat

Yesterday was a very good day. All school year long I had been telling myself that I would take a day for me. No work, no appointments, no obligations, no errands. Just a day for me to do what I wanted and go where I wanted without having to think about anyone else. Last week I realized time was running short – if I was going to do this, it had to be now.

My job is such that I just need to work 15-20 hours per week and I need to show my face at the office for about ten of those hours so I’m blessed with great flexibility in my schedule. The unfortunate downside to that is that the days can fill up quickly with all sorts of things but yesterday was one of those rare days where there was nothing on the calendar. So over the weekend, I made the commitment to take “my day” on Tuesday.

It was a mental wrestling match from that point forward. There is a project with a deadline looming in front of me and even though I put in about 5 hours on it on Monday, I still wasn’t happy with my progress. Should I really still take the day off when I knew there was work I could be doing? “Yes, yes, yes!” my spirit cried in its weak whisper of a voice. “You need this time – you deserve this time! You’ll be a better wife/mother/employee for this time!” it said with more force. “Take it! Take it now!”

So after getting the kids off to school yesterday morning, I made a quick cup of tea, loaded some books, my journal and the new digital camera into the car and set off. I really wasn’t sure where I was going and what I was supposed to do. I quickly slipped into my old patterns of behavior and thought, “I’ll just stop to do a few errands.” I went into the local craft superstore to buy some supplies for making one of the teachers a gift. Browsing the aisles didn’t bring the pleasure that it usually did so I rounded up what I needed, paid and left. This kind of shopping wasn’t the activity that was going to feed my soul today (although somedays, it works wonders!).

I hopped on the freeway and decided to go to the Portland Rose Garden. We had been on Mother’s day but not many of the flowers were blooming at that time. I love taking pictures of flowers and thought that would be a relaxing way to start the morning.

When I got there, I lost myself in the beauty. You can see in the pictures that the gardens were in full bloom. I walked through rows of roses called, Double Delight, George Burns, Distant Drummers (my new favorite!), Honey Dijon, and more. I LOVE DIGITAL CAMERAS. I love the fact I can tell right then and there if I “got” the shot. My first few attempts at the micro setting on the camera were a bit rough, but by the end, I was really pleased with the shots. I’ll be posting lots of them on my blog entries in the coming weeks.

After taking pictures for about an hour, I found a secluded bench and sat down with my Bible and journal and did some business with God. Sure, we have a great relationship, but like any good one, it takes work. We spent time talking and more importantly, I spent time listening. It was a wonderful time where He spoke to the aches of my heart and to the desires of my soul. He revealed some areas that I need to work on – especially in the areas of intent. This is so key as I continue to dip my big toe into the writing world, even through blogging. Who am I really writing to please? Why do I seem to need the constant validation and affirmation of others in order to express what God has given me? Shouldn’t it be enough that I want to please Him? It hasn’t been lately. I find myself constantly checking my blog for comments, looking for validation from co-workers and even my fellow volunteers in my women’s group for the validation that what I’m writing is any good. Why is it so difficult to trust that once someone has given you that kind of compliment, the gift doesn’t go away, and you can still write well, even if they or others don’t say so? I know it’s the nature of writers to need that constant validation, but I feel like for me, it’s becoming a stumbling block spiritually and even in the act of my writing. I’m not sure I could have articulated this to myself without that time away to think, pray and process - so for that, I’m so excited at the results of my retreat.

This is getting a bit long, so maybe I’ll save the rest of the retreat report for tomorrow. There were more exciting things that happened, the ladies in the red hats, CRAZY man at the lunch joint, and gaping mud pits - but just not enough time to write them this morning. Stay tuned, for more of “The Day of Kim’s Life . . .” Ha! Thanks to you for stopping by and I hope that maybe this inspires you to plan one of these days for yourself. It is a wonderful gift you can give yourself and your family.
Blessings!