Embroider the Silence

Refreshed

2010-03-16T21:46:00.000-07:00

Spending the day with dear women who nourish my heart and soul.

I am refreshed.

Knowing it is never to late to let the spark of creativity grow to a flame that burns bright and hot . . .

I am refreshed.

Time to be who I am, the girl who is always most comfortable with a book in my hand, and to be with like-minded souls who "get it" and gasp with excitement and wave their hands with glee like I do when they talk about a good story . . .

I am refreshed.

Thank you God, for times of refreshing. It's been hard to see and hear and find you lately, but today, I felt you there - at the world's largest independent book store. Also known as my stream of refreshment.

Who are you people?

2010-02-21T20:57:00.000-08:00

To the anonymous posters on my blog . . .

You kind of creep me out just a bit. I know I've left this blog vacant and empty for several months. But that's between me and my blog. Your cryptic messages about helping you with your homework and the messages in Chinese (you know I do have friends that can translate that stuff . . . you'd better hope it's nothing naughty because my Chinese friend is a minister and that's not going to be very good mojo for you if they have to read something icky . . .) are really bizaarre. Just how is my blog helping you with your homework? Are you copying my text and putting it in papers you are turning in? If you are, God help you because I can't imagine the words are worth anything in any kind of legitimate class work. I am a life-long learner and truly value the privilege of an education so with my heartfelt desire for you to really use the opportunity before you, I'm going to say, "Knock it off ya knucklehead!" Stop copying my blathering and do your own work!

Of course the conspiracy theorist in me thinks that you are all speaking some strange coded language and you're using my site to traffic in state secrets that will either cause terrible destruction or perhaps save the world from evil dictators. I'd like to think the best of you all, so I'll choose option B. But really, even if this is the case, I want to encourage you to move along and find another blog. Because even though I've ignored this little spot for a while, it's still mine and I'd prefer to be the one who decides how it's used.

To any of my real blogging friends out there who might drop by, hi there! Good to "see" ya! Hope all is well in your corner of the world and blogosphere. Life is good here with us - kids growing up, life keeping up with it's rhythms and I'm still trying to make decisions that bring good health - physical and mental. Still trying to find time to write and not doing well with living out that passion - yet. But who knows, maybe 2010 will be my year to get my butt in the chair and "write the damn book" as my friend Laini says! :-)

Peace and love.

Oscar Buzz

2009-02-22T18:39:00.000-08:00

Beautiful ladies, dapper gents. The artistic elements of the night - the clothes, music, performances and speeches give the night a fantasy quality that makes it hard to pull myself away to the ho-hum tasks of life.

My loving husband offered to clean the kitchen so I wouldn't miss any of the show. He's speakin' my love language, big time. Sadly, J's fighting a nasty bug with fever, sore throat and bad tummy so commercial breaks are spent checking in on him.

Hugh Jackman is doing a good job - I appreciate that he's not trying to be a comedian but playing up his theater background. Loved the homemade Slumdog set with pizza boxes.

Just watched the James Franco, Seth Rogan bit. Too funny!

For being a fairly artsy kind of town, many of the nominated films are only playing at one theater in downtown. I'll admit, I didn't get to see all of the best picture films but I'm rooting for the one that I did see - Slumdog Millionaire. If you haven't seen it yet, go. Go now. Really - I'm not kidding, it's that good. (If you must wait until after the Oscars, that's ok.)

Excuse me now while I mingle with Brad, Angie, Rachel, Hugh and Kate. Catch you all at the after-party.

Still Breathing . . .

2009-02-20T14:12:00.001-08:00

Hello friends. If any of you are still there, checking on me from time to time, thanks. Know that I have been checking your blogs when I get a minute or two here and there.

Life is good. In economic downturns, suddenly being married to a teacher is a great thing. Job security and all. A modest, consistent salary suddenly is much more appealing than the high-paying tech jobs that seem to be disappearing in these parts. The report today about the budget shortfall in our state is not good news for education and Brad's job will get harder as we move into next year, for sure. He's working on his masters' in administration and we had hoped maybe next year he'd be able to get into an admin position, but there might be some more waiting to be done before that happens. All in good time. He's enjoying what he's learning and being recognized by leaders in our district for the strengths he brings to the different schools he's working at.

I continue to work part time but the hours keep nudging up. In this time of the uncertainty, I'm so grateful to have work. I get to work on cool projects for the church I love and I'm enjoying learning from professional marketing folks in the ministry that I found through the conference I attended last fall. Working to make the message of God's love and grace relevant and clear is an enormous task but one that I'm excited to be involved in.

The kids are awesome. They continue to blow me away with their tender hearts and the way they make me laugh. N went to her first HS formal and it was hard for me to not cry as I watched my lovely girl dressed like a movie star and shining like the morning sun! Wow - I wasn't ready for the emotion that went with that milestone. She really is growing up and recent conversations about college and the future make it clear that it won't be long until she's a legitimate grown-up. Amazing.

J. is in a transition - truly a "tween" - living between boy and young man. We're trying to find out his passions - he likes to do lots of things, but hasn't really found that one thing that he loves. One night we were talking around the table about what two subjects we could study all day long in school. Brad, N and I all mentioned traditional subjects like Language Arts, Science, History and Social Studies. When we came to J - he said with confidence and without hesitation, "Leadership and Fine Arts . . . " Such a funny kid! I know he's destined for great things!

After facing down 40 this summer and watching my mom's long recovery from her knee replacement, I decided it was time to get serious about my own health. In August I started a regular fitness routine and making changes to my diet. I've lost 16 pounds and feel better than I have in years. I even worked my way up to running for exercise and was loving it until an injury took me off the track for a while. I'm still committed to exercising though - worked through a cardio-yoga program this morning and it felt great! (Though I looked like an idiot, I'm sure!)

Writing. Missing this and hoping that I can find it soon. Reading holds the spot and keeps it warm until the time is there for my friend and I to reconnect.

God continues to show me the weak spots in my life but graciously lets me work through those issues with gentle nudges towards his love and grace. I've still got a long way to go, but I'm thankful for my family, my church and my friends who love me in spite of my faults and failings. I am truly blessed.

Connecting

2008-09-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

What have I been doing?

Connecting with the needs of my physical self. Going to Weight Watchers, cutting out sugar and adding exercise to my routines. Connecting the dots that what I do now to take care of my body ensures that I will be able to be around to connect with my loved ones in the future.

Connecting with the needs of my professional self. Praying through some challenging work issues, working hard on a big event coming this fall and attending a professional conference for people who do what I do and some who do what I want to do for my organization. Enjoyed connecting with new people who really "get it". The challenge that lays before us in communicating important, life-changing messages in a relevant and effective way. It's a sweet salve to be in a room with the same passions, vision and calling as you. A real gift.

Connecting with my family. Conversations with my daughter about high-school, boys, sex, self-worth, self-image, eternity, serving and so much more. Loving this growing time for both of us. Trying to connect with my growing little boy who I can see is starting to enter the period of his life where things will start changing quickly for him. Trying to encourage him in his strengths and help him work through, around and over his weaknesses. Enjoying the sense of humor that God has given them both.

Connecting with my husband. Appreciating him more and more for the sacrifices he makes. Painted our house together a few weekends ago and gained a new appreciation for all the summers he worked to bring in extra funds for the family. So proud of the new professional direction he is moving in to become and administrator in the education profession. He is so gifted in in inspiring and motivating people to do their best for kids.

Connecting with God. Realizing how much work I have yet to do in my life. Grateful for his love, that is enough (in spite of what I think I must add to the equation). Blue as the sky in spite of storm clouds that might come through. Connecting the dots of my struggles to realize that pride is a big part of the frustrations and anger I carry around like a pack on my back. Asking Him to lighten the load as I give things over to Him.

Connecting with the knowledge that I'm not done yet.

The Boy in the Black Jersey

2008-08-29T11:30:00.000-07:00

Photo by Stu Seeger

Encouragement is a powerful medicine to the heart. Our pastor preached recently on how a word of encouragement can change a person's life, how it can cause them to take a different turn, choosing to believe that they are worth more and can do more and be more than they believed before the words of others lifted them to see above the haze of every day to see the "what could be". His words and the testimony of one of our church members to this have been knocking about in my head all week. How do I encourage others? What does it look like?

God showed me this week.

It's football season. I know this because as I walk the track at the middle school while my son practices with his soccer team, there are about a hundred young football players doing drills and practicing for upcoming games. They range from middles school boys with growing "man-bodies" all the way down to little boys that look like they are about 3rd or 4th graders. They come to practice in pads, helmets and jerseys and faithfully run through their drills.

The other night the younger boys were taking a lap around the track. I watched as a tiny little guy in a blue jersey with a number 2 on the back fell further and further behind the track. His little legs looked like pencils stuck in football cleats. The helmet seemed to sway back and forth with the strides as he struggled to keep his head from bobbing forward from the weight of it. My mother's heart broke a bit for this little guy who was so obviously undersized compared to the other boys. Would his self confidence survive the season?

Just then, another of the boys in the back of the pack, a sturdy little guy in a black jersey turned his head and saw little Number Two about 20 feet behind him. He purposely slowed his run down so Number Two could catch up to him. He turned his head and you could tell he was talking to Number Two as they ran together. At one point, as they fell further and further behind the pack, still running, he put his arm around Number Two for just a moment. The two ran together until they finished the drill and joined the rest of the team. The boy in the black jersey said a final word to little Number Two and then disappeared into the mass of boys as they lined up for stretches. It was almost as if he said, "You'll be OK now. You don't need me here right now anymore," and he let Number Two become just another member of the large football team.

Wow - what an incredible real world image of encouragement. Someone to come alongside you when you need them. Not to save you. Not to tell you it's OK to stop or give up during the hard stuff, but someone to run with you, put their arm around you, tell you you're doing a great job and then to give you the confidence that you really don't need to rely on them, you've got it in you to do the job on your own.

I doubt either of these boys will ever play in the NFL but I have no doubt that they will know the power of an encouraging word in their lives. I have been challenged to act on this lesson - as the giver and receiver.

Have I told any of you "thank you" recently for the time you take to comment on my blog? Forgive me if I haven't. Thank you for your encouraging words. Thanks to all of you who encourage me in real life and online to use my gifts and challenge me not to give up when I hit roadblocks real and perceived. Thanks to all of you who make me laugh, make me cry and keep me real as we do laps on the track of life. I hope that there are times I do the same for you and I'll be looking for chances to run with you in the days ahead.

Thanks God, for the picture of Number Two and the Boy in the Black Jersey. That was a picture just for me and I got it. (You're so cool that way!)

Well that wasn't so bad after all . . .

2008-08-01T09:58:00.000-07:00

Two days ago I turned 40. It was looming over me for months (thanks to my baby sister who started asking in January, "What are we going to do for your 40th?" After months of badgering, I finally caved and agreed to a party.

As we got in the car to head to the shin-dig, my stomach was a mess. Literally - I felt sick. I don't have parties, I give parties. I'm not the guest-of-honor, I'm the one planning the thing. This was so out of the norm for me, my nerves were just shot. But it was a lovely evening and I have to say, my parents and sister threw me a lovely party. They all shared memories of me (my sister's memories, not so wonderful as she shared how we used to fight and how mean I was to her - sadly, all true) but they all ended with lovely sentiments of how much they love and appreciate me now. There were embarrassing pictures, embarrassing stories but lots of laughter and fun. Many of my dear friends attended with their kids and it really was a great evening - I had fun and I'm glad I let my sister talk me into it.

I'll admit, I struggled in the days before my birthday. As I approached 40, it really felt like someone was making me a cinder-block necklace to wear. A dusty block of cement that would say to everyone who saw it, "Oh, yes, she used to be the young one, but now look at her. She's 40 now." I saw that cinder-block as a hindrance, something that would slow me down, weigh me down and forever label me as one who had her chance to dance and should now just be happy sitting on the sidelines and watching others have their day.

But now that the day has passed and I can look forward, I think I'll use that cinder-block to stand on. To see further than those younger kids around me. I'll use that better perspective to make decisions that I won't regret. I'll use the weight of that cinder-block to break down walls - ones I've created and ones others use to keep me in my place. I'll thank God for the weight of those years and all of the joy and blessings packed into them. I'll proudly wear the dust of that block in my hair, on my clothes and maybe if the urge hits me, I'll paint that block yellow or bright green or whatever color suits me on that day.

I think I'm ready for my 40's now . . . let me at 'em. Me and my new accessory.

And on the birthday front, today is N.'s 14th! Happy B-day to my baby-girl!

The Little Comedian

2008-07-22T08:52:00.001-07:00

This is why I believe you'll see my son on the big screen someday in the newest blockbuster comedy . . .

At the doctor's office, getting a physical, the doctor asks J., "J. - when you're in the car you always wear . . . "

J. tilts his head to the side, furrows his brow and in his perfect "Password Plus" voice says slowly, "Clothes?"

Last night, as we're watching the news, the story about the FCC dropping the fine against CBS for Janet Jackson's unfortunate wardrobe malfunction, J. sees the clip from the infamous super-bowl and starts asking questions about the incident. Here's the conversation that ensues.

J - "Did Justin Timberlake pull her top off on purpose?"

Mom - "Well buddy, there's some controversy about that. He says that they planned it but she was supposed to have another top on under it, but she didn't."

J - "So she didn't have anything on?"

Mom - "Well, she had these little things, kind of like . . . stickers over her, er, eh . . ."

J. "Nipples?"

Dad (in a teasing voice) - "J - I can't believe you just said the word 'nipples' in front of your mom. That's gross."

Mom - "That's OK - I'm glad you used the right word. It shows that you're very mature, J."

J - "So what kind of stickers were they? Were they Superbowl stickers?"

Mom (snorting) - "Well, not exactly buddy. They were sparkly, kind of like flowers or stars . . ."

Dad - "Kind of like 'Perfect Attendance' awards. You know sparkly, shiny stickers."

J (with a smirk) - "Ohhhh, so that's where you're supposed to put them."

Yesterday, I inhaled . . .

2008-07-11T11:16:00.000-07:00

I took a day.

For me.

And it was just what I needed. Scratch that. I need about 10 more, but yesterday was a good start.

I walked the streets of my beloved downtown Portland and enjoyed the mild summer day. It was perfect. Blue skies, a soft breeze, warm sunshine, lots of interesting people. And noise. Trucks rumbling down streets, street musicians, the pounding of joggers feet on the riverfront and the hum of a thousand conversations going on around me that didn't include (or demand) me.

It was bliss.

As I sat on the bench, staring at the river in the quiet of my own mind, I thought, "I really need to be better about doing this." As much as brushing my teeth, or exercising or eating healthy nourishes my physical body, I need to remember the importance of nourishing my soul with some intentional alone time now and again doing things I love (not just going to the grocery store alone). Why is it so hard to allow myself this? I know it fills my emotional and spiritual "well" and makes me a better wife, mom, co-worker, friend, etc. but there's just an element of self in it that makes it hard to fight for sometimes.

But I need it. And I'm not sorry I took it yesterday, and I plan on doing it again soon.

What do you do to fill yourself up?

As if I didn't feel old already . . .

2008-06-20T18:24:00.001-07:00

My daughter will be in high school next year.

My daughter - will be in high school next year.

My daughter will be - in high school next year.

I turn 40 next month.

I turn - 40 next month.

I turn 40 - next month.

As if that wasn't bad enough . . .

Molly Ringwald has taken a role in the new ABC Family show, "Secret Life of the American Teenager" . . . AS A MOM!!!

What the heck? The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles sweetheart is the mom of a teenage girl?

I don't know whether to laugh or cry about this one . . . Dear Molly, are we really that age?

On the sunny side, the nice lady at Winco did card me this morning when I bought a six-pack for the husband. This REALLY ticked off the lady in the lane next to me who was around my same age and didn't get carded for her six-pack of Mirror Pond. I joked that I was just a "random" card - like searches at the airport but I must admit, inwardly I was doing a bit of a happy dance thinking about the fact I'm only a month from my 40th birthday and some people still wonder if I'm 21. I must have done something good in my life to deserve such a gift.

Blogging Block

2008-06-16T23:37:00.001-07:00

I'm blocked. Can you tell?

Every time I think, "I'll blog about this. . ." my icy cold inner critic who has the voice of the White Witch from the "Narnia" movie says,

"Oh my darling, that is so cute, but do you really think anyone wants to read about that?"

Hmmm, okay. Well, what if I write about ___________

"Well you could, but I'm pretty sure that's a topic that has been written about by hundreds of other bloggers who said that same thing with better vocabulary, and a more cutting wit than you could muster my darling. Why don't you stick with something safe. Blog about your family. Talk about the season of life you're in and how things are changing for you. Keep it light and simple and for heaven's sake, don't blog about anything that might offend someone."

Her words paralyze me and I stare at the keys under my still fingers.

Then she goes for blood. "It's so sweet how you think you are a writer. You just keep on trying dear. I'm sure you'll get there some day."

And so . . . the blog's been empty. Until now.

I've convinced the Inner Critic that the view from the back seat is spectacular to get just a bit of distance. I know she's still around. I can feel her letting out exaggerated sighs behind my shoulder as I type right now. But I can't stand it anymore. I need to write. About something stupid, and cute and meaningless and silly - because I just need to get through the block. I need it to end because I need to write.

And so, I want to tell you about the Jamba Juice boy. Tonight after a particularly crappy day, I was looking for a way to treat myself. Just a glimmer of fun and frivolity in this crapfest of a day. A sweet and frosty beverage filled with calories but with the deceptive marketing of something that's "good for me". A well-marketed and mildly healthy Slurpee. The boy who made my drink couldn't have been more than a few months older than the minimum age for kids to get a job in this state. As he made my "Strawberry Something" drink, he looked up at me and said, "How's your day?" He looked just like the boy from the movie "Juno". And he looked at me like he really wanted to know. I almost cried as I said, "Good. It's good." Pauly Bleaker is making my Jamba, I thought. How cool is that? And suddenly, the crappy day took a turn for the better.

Excuse me. My inner critic is laughing her head off right now and I have to go beat the crap out of her.

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-12T16:03:00.000-07:00

A day late but warmest wishes to all the moms (and ones who will be moms someday).

Here's what my daughter wrote in a little notebook about me. There were different prompts and topics:

Write a poem:
Mom you're rad
better than dad
sorry, I feel bad

Best advice you have given me:
Don't forget sunscreen

Something your mom always says:
Fliberdigibbit (mostly to keep from saying another inappropriate f-word)

What song best describes your mom?
Thriller

Things I admire most about my mom:
You taught me how to say comebacks

A memorable trip with mom:
Disneyland

Words that describe my mom
Daring, amazing (cause you put up with me), kickin', incredible, magnificent

What's the coolest thing your mom did for you?
Put up with me for 13 years

What does your mom mean to you?
You mean the world to me. I LOVE YOU.

Makes it all worth it. Even the teenage drama.

Um . . . hello?

2008-05-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

Where did that month go? I can't believe it's been a month since I posted last. My sincere apologies for leaving a cliffhanger for some of you (I'll tell you what book I took in just a minute - go ahead and scroll down if the suspense is killing you.)

You know, being a parent of school aged kids and the wife of an educator, I know the drill. It really shouldn't surprise me anymore but for some reason, it still does. Christmas break comes and we all breathe a sigh of relief as we get a two week break. Then it seems like a long stretch to Spring Break and we get to enjoy a week of no homework, no projects, a break from sports activities . . . and then WHAM! The next couple of months seem to hit turbo speed and we're racing to the end of the school year , signing up for summer camps and planning summer activities. I know, it's a lame excuse for not blogging, but sorry - it's all I've got for now.

So, my trip to St. Louis was great. The conference was engaging and I learned a lot about multi-cultural ministry. Someone even approached me about possibly leading a break-out session next year! Even if it doesn't happen, it's an honor to be considered. I met interesting folks from all over the country working with people groups from all over the world. One of the most challenging things I heard that keeps bouncing around in my brain was one presentation on Developing Leaders in Ethnic Ministries. The presenter said that statistics say that only one out of every three leaders in the church will "finish well", meaning with productive ministries, no burn-out and no scandal within their ministries. That really shook me. I've been challenged to start praying not just for others but for myself - Lord, help me finish well.

One of my favorite parts of this conference is how they bring in performance groups form all different cultures to come together for worship. I LOVE LOVE this part. It wasn't quite as big a show as last year but this year we heard some phenomenal ethnic choirs including the host church's traditional African American Gospel choir. They were awesome! And let me just say, this white girl would give her left hand to sing like some of those women with their passion and talent. There was a Chinese choir, a couple from a Slavic country (can't remember which now) and a couple of dance troops that performed. So awesome to see people praise God through their cultural gifts and heritage.

Another of the highlights was getting together with my good friend Rene for a couple of days of sight-seeing and hanging out. We took the trip to the top of the arch with my cousins and their two young boys and enjoyed the view of St. Louis from up high. The weather was truly wacky while we were there - it snowed as we went into the arch - IN APRIL! The Mississippi River was over the roadway and has gotten higher since then. It was great to spend time with Rene and catch up without kids and husbands in tow (though we both love them very much). One of my favorite times was a truly YUMMY breakfast at Cracker Barrel! Why, oh why won't the Cracker Barrel people come out west? I guess it wouldn't be the treat it is if I could go to Cracker Barrel every day . . . who am I kidding? I just might go to the Cracker Barrel every day if they were out here! We spent the rest of that day working off our breakfast walking St. Charles and the quaint little shops and historical sites there. After a very busy fall and winter, these few days of relaxing and sightseeing with one of my best friends were like cool water to my thirsty soul.

Here's a few pictures of our time in St. Louis.

And here's what some of you have been waiting for. The three books I took on the plane were:

Safely Home by Randy Alcorn (read this one and LOVED it). I will never look at China the same way again. Prompted me to consider how I take my freedoms for granted on such a large scale.
Closer Than Your Skin - Unwrapping the Mystery of Intimacy with God by Susan D. Hill. I found this book on Madison Richards' site and I'm about half way through. It's a wonderful reflection on the author's struggles in this area and she offers some great insights on making a relationship with God authentic and leaving the cultural trappings of Christianity behind.
My daughter has hijacked the third book I brought, the sequel to Inkheart called Inkspell. I think I'm going to save that one for a summer read (she reads so fast, she'll probably get through it in about a week!)

I came home with only two new books from the conference (I thought I practiced great restraint) and I'm looking forward to reading those soon. Gracism - The Art of Inclusion and Multicultural Ministry, both by David Anderson.

Thanks to those of you who aren't giving up on me and still check my blog. I'll try to do better . . . there's a few funny kids stories that have been happening so I'll try to share those in the coming days. Have a great weekend all!

Auditions

2008-04-07T14:23:00.001-07:00

I'm going to a conference later this week. Working for a church in a support role doesn't allow much opportunity for travel, but my boss has graciously let me register for a conference on Ethnic Ministry in St. Louis. So, I'm struggling with a decision that may be very routine to many travelers, but it's throwing me in a tailspin.

What book do I take to read on the plane?

The other night I held open auditions. There were writing books purchased with great intentions with bookmarks somewhere between chapter one and two that came for their big break. The YA novel "Inkspell" heard about the opening and jumped into my shopping cart at Target the day of auditions. The novel my mother-in-law gave me for Christmas pleaded its case, reminding me it had been patiently been waiting its turn on my bedside table since December 26th. Others made their way to auditions with colorful matte covers and titles that cried, "Pick me! Pick me! I will make the hours on airplanes and sitting in airport waiting areas fly by!" All in all, about 8 books sat on my bed Saturday night.

So I did what any booklover would . . . I read the introductions and first chapters of all of the books. Some wowed me with their showiest openings . . . some were definitely holding back some of their best stuff for the main event. When it was all said and done, I had three picked out.

Even though I feel great about these choices, I still feel a bit bad for the runner's up. Like watching the American Idols tearfully sing their final song or Dancing with the Stars contestants do their final dips, the books that didn't make the cut were put carefully back on the shelf. I felt a little bit like those judges that crush the hopes and dreams of their contestants. Don't worry little books, there's always next season . . . summer vacation.

Important Stuff, People

2008-03-31T14:51:00.001-07:00

A few months ago, the kids and I were at the local pool. Just about 20 minutes after we arrived, I was watching J. go down the slide when I saw one of the lifeguards acting a bit strange.

The young high school girl paced back and forth on the side of the pool, her eyes trained on something in the deep end. My internal momma-alarm started going full blare as I realize, something's going down. About 30 seconds later she blew her whistle and shouted for everyone to get out of the pool. With J at that end of the pool, I started to make my way over. Suddenly two life guards jumped in the water while others whistled repeatedly and pulled everyone out of the two pools in the facility.

We waited shivering in the hallway for about 10 minutes as they pulled a young man out of the pool and put him on a back board. About five minutes later, they told us they were going to close the pool so the kids and I got dressed and headed to the car. I gave them the grave lecture about the importance of safety at the pool, swimming with a buddy, being careful, paying attention to your body and resting when you're tired, only diving in water you know is deep enough, etc., etc. That's when we saw the news vans. The local channel even taped us driving away from the pool.

Later that night, I watched the 11 pm local news and there it was, my van pulling out of the parking lot of the swimming pool as background footage for the story of a "near drowning" at the pool. The interesting thing was they reported that the child pulled from the pool was a two-year old! I (along with many others waiting by the pool) saw the lifeguards pull a kid out of the water who was taller than me! No way could he be anything close to a two-year old and what parent would have a two-year old in the deep end of the pool? This facility has a perfectly good wading/kiddie pool.

Bottom line - the news got this detail completely wrong. (But they did report that he was fine and eventually sent home from the hospital.)

As a news-junkie, this was particularly troubling to me and I remember thinking, "How many other times have they been wrong?" Sure, we give the media a little wiggle room when it's disasters of mass proportions. Remember how death totals went up and down from September 11th? The Tsunami? Katrina? In the midst of chaos and mass casualty, we can expect a few hair triggers to put out some erroneous information, but this was a pretty controlled situation. There were over 100 witnesses who could have told a reporter the kid was a 15-17 year old so how could they get this basic piece of information so wrong?

Today a good blogging soul with a heart for truth and justice pointed me to this piece. I want you to read it. Today. It takes about 15 minutes, but it just might save you or someone you love a lifetime of hardship, pain and grief. If you think this isn't an important issue that you need to KNOW the truth about? Ask this blogger, "Why should I care?"

This piece challenges the way we've been trained to trust media coverage to a point that puts us at risk. It uses facts, statistics and historical precedence to do it. If the "news" can make simple mistakes about the age of a kid, what else are they wrong about or even not telling us? I'm not one to wave banners for many causes, but getting the UN-BIASED FACTS and RELIABLE, HONEST information is a cause I'll get behind any day.

Good Things

2008-03-25T17:12:00.000-07:00

A weekend away at the beach was just what we needed to recharge our batteries. It was a bit strange to not be at church on Easter weekend, but we loved the slow pace of a weekend without commitments other than relaxing, reading and watching great movies (Dan in Real Life, Enchanted and The Seeker).

Here's some pix of our time. The kids made a glass float for their Nana's birthday gift. What fun to watch them be amazed by the art and science of this experience!

To top it all off - I came home tonight and my husband is making Lamb Kabobs (from Jamie Oliver, the Naked Chef), fresh hummus (yummm) and Monster Cookies. I love spring break!

I knew it all along . . .

2008-02-29T17:21:00.000-08:00

Take the Quiz here!

Really, this made the most sense although part of me was hoping I'd be Fanny Price. Especially the one from the new adaptation - she was so sweet! Hope you're enjoying the Jane Austen on PBS. I loved the new adaptations and seeing the old Pride & Prejudice brought back sweet memories. My mother-in-law loaned me that BBC video series right after N. was born and I spent many a 2:00 am feeding with Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. There were even times when the baby had long gone back to bed and I was still awake watching P & P - the height of Austen Insanity! Cheerio - I'm off to take a turn about the room while my children play the harpsicord and embroider pillowcases.

You know you got a good haircut when . . .

2008-02-28T15:06:00.001-08:00

. . . it actually looks like the picture you showed your hairdresser (thanks Michelle!)
. . . your 10 year old son calls your hair "funky"
. . . your 13 year old daughter gasps and says "I LOVE it!" with all the expression and drama of a 13-year-old girl
. . . the young man at Costco with the mohawk calls you "Miss" instead of "Ma'am"
. . . your husband who loved your long hair and didn't want you to cut it in the first place, looks at you and says, "I like it!"
. . . your co-workers say it makes you look younger
. . . you wake up the next morning and can style it almost as good as your hairdresser did the day before

Here's the before picture from this past weekend. I'm standing with my good friend Susan and her daughters, Lacey and Molly at Lacey's bridal shower. Lacey (standing between me and Susan) was my flowergirl when she 3 and a half. They are both incredible young women and it was a joy to be at this special event (even though I crumbled into an emotional ball a few minutes into the event and spent much of the time between snapping pictures, dabbing my eyes and blowing my schnaz!)

And here's a shot from today. It only took about 20 tries to get one with only one chin, a smile and decent light! Hope you appreciate all the work I've gone to for you!

Seriously, it was a bit of a step of faith for me to take this jump. My hair has been my security blanket through much of my adult life. My mom always made me cut it when I was little (the curls and frizz annoyed her) so I guess it was passive-aggressive rebellion as an adult to keep it long. Shhh, don't tell her, but I love my sassy new cut!

Time Warp

2008-02-26T16:17:00.001-08:00

It's been hard to think of what to say lately, but today - there's something to talk about. Call him a guy that is blogworthy.

See Oprah today? OMG (as the young ones are known to say) did you see Rick Springfield? It was like a time warp. I just about wore out the groves in my copy of "Working Class Dog" and "Success Hasn't Spoiled Me Yet". I stared at his pictures as a young 14 year old brace-face, glasses wearing, frizzy haired girl and watched him as Dr. Noah Drake on GH with my friends. How can it be that the man has NOT AGED A DAY in almost 25 years?! How can that be? The guy took five years off to stay home with his kids when they were babies and oh my gosh, when he got misty-eyed up talking about how much he loves his family, you could have mopped me up off the floor like a puddle!

OK - I did laugh a bit at the totally middle-aged crowd of women hooting and hollering over the guy but let's face it, if I'd have been there, I would have been right there with them. I'm totally going to load his songs on my MP3 player today!

Thanks Rick - thanks Oprah. You have given this middle aged woman a spring in her step today!

The Birthday Boy

2008-02-17T12:25:00.000-08:00

Sorry ladies, this gem is off the market. Yes, that's my guy preparing home-made Christmas cinnamon rolls for my family using his new Professional series Kitchenaid mixer that he's so proud of. Today is Brad's birthday and on this day I'd like to share with you all just a little bit of what's so great about my guy. Here's the very abbreviated list just to give you a taste of the good life I've got:

1. The man cooks like a pro. Seriously. I think he secretly dreams of leaving the teaching profession and starting his own catering business someday. He'd probably make a fortune doing it.

2. He doesn't get upset with people (most of the time). He's super patient with difficult people and always knows how to bring out the best in others.

3. He's very generous with compliments. Any self-esteem problems I may struggle with certainly don't come from him. He is constantly telling me how beautiful I am, how good I look, etc. I am wickedly spoiled when it comes to this guy.

4. He sacrifices for our family. He is the one who will wear old torn jeans, socks and underwear that should have been retired in the 80's and shoes that are way past their prime so that we have more money in the family budget for the kids and other family items.

5. He works hard. Long hours, summer jobs and almost always takes opportunities to bring in a bit extra for our family when given the chance.

6. A great sense of humor. He is always ready to make us and others laugh. Sometimes gross and inappropriate but always within the walls of our home or with close friends who won't hold it against us.

7. A great partner in parenting who believes in building our kids up in love but setting realistic boundaries and consequences for the punks when they get out of line. Always supportive of me and a great model of respect for my kids to follow.

8. Brad always encourages me to take time for myself and build up the parts of me outside of being a wife and mother. He's extremely supportive of the creative endeavors of my live and has never been critical of the money and time invested in these areas. For over 18 years he has challenged me and supported me in my personal spiritual, mental and emotional health. He was an incredible help-mate when I went back to school with two young kids to get my degree. And even as we recently discussed him going back to school to get an administrative degree to advance his career, one of his main concerns was, did I want a chance to go back to school instead. (Really, he just isn't crazy about writing papers again - don't worry honey, I know someone who might be able to help you with that!)

9. Did I mention the guy cooks? And he's a great host! He throws a great party and always makes everyone feel like they are the reason he went to all the trouble.

10. He's incredibly handsome! His silver hair and blue eyes still melt my heart!

Happy Birthday sweetie! I love you!

And now for your viewing pleasure . . .

2008-02-06T18:26:00.000-08:00

Thankfully, our family in the Nashville area were spared from yesterday's tornadoes but as I watch the news tonight, my heart goes out to those who are suffering. With family in Oklahoma and having lived in Nebraska for part of my life, the power of tornadoes is something that is unfortunately familiar. Some of my early memories are sitting under the stairwell in our basement listening to the radio and for the "all clear" sign. Pray for those rebuilding their lives and pray for those facing the loss of a loved one.

I wish I had some interesting story or engaging political comments that would make you roar with laughter or cheer with abandon, but instead, today, I'll just offer you some pretties to look at. What is this world without a bit of pretty anyway?

My First Love

2008-01-23T14:41:00.000-08:00

I wrote a post ages ago about my first childhood memory. It was a warm spring day in Omaha, Nebraska and I'm sitting on a small version of those old lawn chairs - the ones with the plastic woven straps that stick to your sweaty flesh and leave patterns on the backs of your legs. My mom and my aunt are in their bathing suits and we're on a roof-top patio of an apartment building soaking up the rays of sunshine before we knew it was bad for us. My aunt and mom have big Jacki-O type glasses perched on their noses and one of them (I can't remember which) is wearing a sun hat. Each woman has her own harlequin romance novel and I sit with my stack of Golden books by my chair - not able to really read yet, but carefully turning the pages and absorbing the stories through the colorful pictures of bears, bunnies, puppies and fairytale characters. It was the beginning of my love affair with the written word . . .

Lately, all I have really wanted to do in life is retreat to that quiet spot that only a good book can provide. The drive of my heart and spirit is leading me to stare longingly at bookshelves of books - in my home, in the stores, at the library and wish for more time to read. I'm on book #2 for 2008 and I just feel like time is going much too quickly for all the things I want to get read this year. I promised you my 2007 list but have been struggling to tear myself away from the current book to post but someone called me on my promise (thanks Michelle!) so here's some that I can remember.

The first book and the last book I read in 2007 were actually by the same author. I didn't plan it that way, but it was kind of fun to bookend the year with someone I really respect as an author. I started the year with "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. An awesome memoir of a difficult and joyful time in her life. I loved it (mostly) but must admit, some of the meditation sequences made me a bit uncomfortable. I consider myself a pretty open person but sometimes those passages made me wonder if other spirits were involved in some of those experiences and being called "God". I appreciated her honest, raw voice and hearing about her cross-cultural experiences with so many different kinds of people. It was certainly confirmation in my eyes that God uses others to minister to the needs and hurts in our lives and bring us closer to Him. I ended the year by picking up Gilbert's collection of short stories called "Pilgrims" at lunch one day and really enjoyed those. I'd give both books two thumbs up.

Another of my favorites of 2007 was "The Twentieth Wife" by Indu Sundaresan. But unfortunately, I tried another by this same author later in the year and put it down after about 50 pages. I usually give a book that long and if it hasn't grabbed me by then, I will often put it down for other options. I figure there's way too much out there to read anyway.

2007 was supposed to be the year I abstained from buying books. My resolution was not to spend any money on books but to read the ones I already had. That lasted until about February - President's weekend to be exact. At our women's retreat I was the lucky winner of a big discount at the conference center's bookstore. Enter, "The Women of the Ark" a fictionalized account of Noah's wife by Jean Holmes. Very interesting and an inspiring book of faith. If you've seen "Evan Almighty" this year, you can just get a small glimpse of what Noah's wife must have had to put up with as she watched her husband take on this task from God.

I could go on and on with descriptions, but to keep this short and sweet - here's the rest of the list (what I can remember) with some quick endorsements.

"Epic" by John Eldredge - A great inspiration for writers about the Larger Story being written by a loving God. Short devotional book - great to keep in your purse or in the car.

"Plan B - Further Thoughts on Faith" by Anne Lamott - Great book but "Bird by Bird" is still my favorite.

"The Whole World Over" by Julia Glass - Somewhat of a disappointment (LOVED her first book "The Three Junes") but still a good story and kept me hooked and reading for hours at a time.

"Transformation - How Glocal Churches Transform Lives & the World" by Bob Roberts, Jr. A book I read for work, but has inspired me personally in my efforts to make sure that my church is a "colorful" one where people of all ethnic traditions and backgrounds feel like they are an EQUAL and necessary part of God's family.

"1000 Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini - A second novel as good as, if not better than his first ("The Kite Runner"). Read it now. Really. Now. It will make you amazingly grateful no matter what crappy situation you are facing in life.

"Water for Elephants" by Sara Gruen - One of my favorites of the year! Outstanding research and character development. I re-read the introduction three times - it was so riveting! (I love books that start strong!)

"Read the Bible for a Change" by Ray Lubeck - Awesome help for understanding the Bible and how to read it.

"The Rest of God" by Mark Buchanan - An awesome book about the need for Sabbath. Very practical and full of good insight and wisdom about the concept of rest and its importance. Read this after I just about killed myself with work, family and other obligations this past fall. Loved Buchanan's writing style and I'm hoping to read more of is work in 2008.

And how could I forget this magical book? One of the best I read all year! Others agree - nominated as an ALA Best Books for Young Adults! Congrats Laini! Now get back to work on Silksinger!

That's my meager list, I wish it was twice as much - but there's always room for more. Of course this list doesn't include the many books that I started or bought in 2007 but haven't made their way into the "finished" category. Sadly, there's lots of those. Right now I'm following Laini's prompting and reading a YA book I bought for my daughter that I'm LOVING! (The "Book Thief" by Markus Zusak - awesome!) and J. and I are going to read "The Spiderwick Chronicles" as soon as he finishes his current book.

Here's to happy reading for all of us bookworms in 2008!

Happy New Year!

2008-01-02T12:59:00.000-08:00

Hello bloggie friends. Yes, I have crawled out from under the Christmas wrapping and have come through the holiday season with my body in tact and a few pounds heavier thanks to Mr. G's awesome cooking. I hope you all had a joyous holiday season and that you were granted your Christmas wishes and are off to a New Year filled with blessings and expressions of goodness.

Where to start? The inner-critic has been working overtime as the lack of blog posts testifies so I'll start with the incredibly mundane details of life around the G-house just to warm up my writing muscles. We were so blessed this year to be able to spend time with friends and family in so many ways. Serving at holiday events at church, meals with family and friends and even a Prom! You read right - one of our dear friends turned the big 4-0 on December 29th and rented out the local grange hall for a back to the '80s prom complete with big hair, heavy make-up and lots of fun! Brad and I are not usually dancers (we prefer chair-warming duties at most wedding receptions) but the lure of Duran Duran, Billy Idol and the Go-Go's were just too much for us. The next morning my muscles ached from all the dancing but it was a blast. Here's our prom shot, a shot of the birthday girl and her prom "king" - her wonderful husband and a group of us girls who found lovely outfits at thrift stores and a costume closet. Don't you just love Brad's "Flock of Seagulls" hair?

The next night it was dinner with friends from my childhood neighborhood. Here's a shot of all of our kids - one already in high school and a couple more getting ready to start next year. So odd to see some of the kids I used to babysit now parents. Made me feel a little nostalgic.

After all the business of December, New Year's eve was a quiet night at home with the kids playing one of our new games, Apples to Apples. If you don't have this game yet, go get it. Now. Really - it's a blast.

What did I get for Christmas you ask? (OK - maybe you didn't ask but I'll tell you anyway.) This was the Christmas that there were very few surprises for me under the tree - and I actually liked it that way. My mom's recent knee surgery made it impossible for her to do her normal Christmas overload shopping so instead, she wrote us a very generous check and told me to shop for our whole family. Mr. G used his money to buy the family a new Professional series Kitchenaid Mixer (hence the extra pounds I'm toting around today). I used some of the money to buy a MP3 player - finally. I'm loving it and have taken walks with my music and NPR for the past few days trying to get this chubby body used to moving again. A couple of CD's and a new book rounded out my gifts. I had fun surprising Brad with a new Bible (filled with archaeological stuff that he eats up like candy) and the kids loved their gifts as well. We are so blessed and it was good to participate in some special giving opportunities this season sponsored by our church (gifts for homeless kids, finances for Iraqi refugees, donations for Vernonia flood victims) and we are so very aware that all we have, including these new shiny gifts are an encouragement to share and give more to those in need. I really am feeling like at this point in my life, there's very little I really need anymore. One of my "goals" this year is to really try to avoid unnecessary purchases just because something is the coolest or latest thing. I'd love to be able to use more of our resources to help others but have to work on the personal discipline to control the magpie within me who loves shiny, sparkly, pretty things around me.

Speaking of books, I'll try to do my 2007 reading list in a day or two. It might take me awhile to recount the list. This year, I'm going to try to write them down so I have a record of them at the end of the year.

Back in a few days my lovelies. Until then - be well!

A Good Addiction

2007-11-28T15:31:00.001-08:00

I'm hooked. Found this through a link at Michelle's blog, she got it from a friend of hers. You go to this site and play a vocabulary game. For every right answer, they donate rice to countries in need.

Wanna play? I got to level 42 before I was stumped and then spent another half an hour going between level 38 and 41, never made it back over 42 but earned over 2,000 grains of rice today. In the words of a famous governor, "I'll be back . . . "

Mr. Positivity

2007-11-18T19:32:00.000-08:00

J. had his first indoor soccer game of the season tonight. He's playing with his old coach and a few players from his rec league and some new guys getting ready to transition next year to a higher level of play (classic). So the boys started off the game, many of them not even knowing each others' names. They were playing a team of boys a year older than they were, a team who had been playing together for a few years, and the team was a ability level a couple of steps higher than our team had ever played. Things didn't look good.

The boys held their own but by half time the other team was up 4 to nothing. J. went in as goalie for the second half and my heart dropped. Would he get discouraged as this very talented team continued to rack up goals? He did good on a couple of saves and then went to kick the ball out to his teammates. After a scramble for the ball, a teammate of J's kicked the ball to him in the goal box and J. reached down to pick it up - an apparent violation in Indoor soccer. The other team was given a direct kick, where they basically get to stand about 15 feet back from the goal and try to kick it in the goal. J. took his position and at the last second, Brad called to him to put his hands up. Number 7 from the other team took a few steps and then drilled the ball right at J's head. The ball deflected slightly off his hands but hit his face and neck hard enough to split his lip and leave marks on his neck from the stitching of the soccer ball. (He probably would have been knocked out cold had he not had his hands up.) He saved the goal but unfortunately as he was stunned and trying to catch his breath, another player caught the rebound and kicked the ball in the goal before J. could get his wits about him.

Brad was fortunately right by the goal box and motioned for the coach to pull J. from the game for a break. The trooper was back in about 5 minutes later, playing mid-fielder and hustling just like nothing had happened.

After the game and after making sure he was really ok, I asked him, "Do you know who that was who kicked the ball at you?"

He looked at me confused, "No."

I pointed at number 7, now talking with his mom and coach. It was Jacob Roloff, of "Little People, Big World" the TLC show about the Oregon family that lives just a few miles from us.

A huge smile came on J's face. "Cool. It's kind of like he autographed my face. Do you think they filmed it?"

My son, my hero. What an incredible attitude - the kid hasn't met a person he couldn't see the good in. While we don't hold anything against Jacob, I certainly could have understood my 10-year old being a bit put out with the kid who nearly knocked him out cold with the soccer ball. I am so proud of J. and the young man he is becoming. Let's just say the girl who ends up with this kid as a husband someday is going to be one lucky chick!

Are you busy?

2007-11-15T15:56:00.001-08:00

I've been asked to speak at my weekly women's Bible Study and the title they gave me is "Are you busy?"

It's a topic they've given me a couple times in the past. I'm still trying to figure out, is that because I have good things to say or because my life is such a textbook example of a 21st century woman who hasn't quite figured this one out? Needless to say, God has prepared me for answering this question by giving me one of the most challenging years of my life (pace-wise, keeping up with everything).

In the past, I've often approached this topic from the place of we all need to slow down, pace ourselves, take a break, etc. But I feel a change in my heart and soul these days. I'm not sure the answer is learning to say "no" or putting boundaries around ourselves. I look at the examples that God gives us in the Bible of men and women who made a difference and the thing I keep coming back to is that they were available when God called. I think it's not bad to be busy, but the more important question is what is it that I'm doing and why am I doing it? I know for myself, I can spend hours shuffling things around my house, starting and stopping different projects and generally just "looking" busy without really accomplishing much. I'm coming to realize, especially when it comes to wanting to do what I really want (writing) the fear of failing at that task is easily tempered by the excuse, "I'm just too busy right now." This equation can fit in any area of my life - marriage, parenting, church, work, etc.

So what about you dear blogging friends? What do you do to make sure the business of life doesn't take over your lives? How do you make sure what you are doing is the real thing and not just filling the minutes and hours of our days with "stuff". What are some of your best strategies you've discovered to keep your schedules in line. Especially around the holidays, what do you do to keep yourself from being over scheduled? I promise you'll all get credit for your answers and I'll be bragging about the great wisdom of my blogging friends!

It counts . . . right?

2007-10-31T16:10:00.000-07:00

My first publishing credit. I wrote lucky chapter 13 of this book almost a year ago. The book came out last week and I got to hold it in my hot little hands and see my name in print. Very cool. Very inspiring. It certainly won't make me famous and probably only a few folks will know where to find my chapter and name in the book, but for the first time, I really feel like when people call me a writer, I might not just have to cringe and look over my shoulder to see if someone's waiting to bust me for being a poser. I guess if you're published, you're allowed to be called a writer.

Just finished a very busy time of year at work so I'm hoping the fall and winter season will offer some more time to get fingers to the keyboard. Earlier this week I received a gentle kick in the but from my patient husband. I've been talking about a particular writing project for a while now and the poor guy got sick of the talk. He told me, "Go look at the computer screen." There was a title page and table of contents for my book project all written out and ready to go. The poor guy had even gone as far to write the acknowledgment for me. "I would like to thank my adoring husband for kicking my butt to write this book. Someday, I can send my kids to college with the money made from this project . . . " Got to love a man of vision and action!

To top it all off - I got flowers today from a couple of my dear friends. Just because. Isn't that awesome?

If you're interested in the book, find it here.

Why I love and serve my God . . .

2007-10-12T10:40:00.000-07:00

This year has been one of such growth for me in so many ways. God has been working on my heart opening my eyes to the differences of aligning myself with people of faith and actually following Him. I am called to do more than just sit in a pew on the weekends, or write a monthly check, or throw up some half-hearted, pious sounding prayers and platitudes . . . I am called to serve.

And it hurts. It pinches my toes like my heels did last night after wearing them for 14 hours. It keeps me up late at night working on the computer. It gives me headaches and and makes me sweat buckets in a hot kitchen, but it also gives me the prickly tears behind my eyes as I think, "I could do this all day, every day Lord when you show up like this."

Last night I was part of a unique and wonderful event at our church. Our church is a multi-ethnic church with Korean, Hispanic, Chinese and East Indian fellowships that are all a part of our church body (not just renting our facility). And yet, we support each group's needs by having separate meeting times as well as corporate services. The problem? Many of us tend to stay in the comfort of our own ethnic fellowships (including anglos) and we don't get a chance to really connect with others.

A dear Korean sister came to me with an idea last spring for an event specifically designed to bring the cultures together. Last night we had our first "Celebrate Culture!" event. We designed it to highlight one of our ethnic fellowships each month and learn about the culture, history, language and traditions of that culture. We hoped we could get about 50 women interested in attending.

We had over 100 women sign up for the event! Each table of 8 women had representatives from at least 3 different ethnicities. I could not stop crying as we set the room with beautiful artifacts and my Korean sisters (many whom I met for the first time last night) were dressed in their traditional costumes. Women cooked all evening long so we could all sample at least 5 different Korean dishes. We practiced greetings in Korean and learned to say "thank you". At the end of the evening, one of our sisters from the East Indian Fellowship invited women back next month to celebrate the culture of India.

The night was an incredible picture of God's grace and goodness and love. Like a love letter written just to me, the evening went just as I envisioned. Women connected with other women outside their own culture sharing experiences and celebrating the culture of a significant group of our church family. All the women were incredibly supportive and I can not believe how good it felt to be in a room like that. I told God all night long, "God - this is you. This is you here. This is what it should be like every day."

I'm hoping that all who attended felt the same way.

Still here . . .

2007-10-08T07:22:00.001-07:00

Hello friends. Sorry I've been a bad neighbor lately, but I've been sneaking looks at your posts here and there and been thinking of you lots! Everything is fine with me and the family, just took a bit of a break from the blog for a bit. It was nothing personal - just a chick who couldn't put two intelligent thoughts together and felt like she didn't have much to add to the conversations of bloggerdom.

I promise a longer post will come soon but until then, just wanted to let you know I was among the land of the living and appreciate those of you who have checked in and wondered where I was at. You guys are the best! Love and peace to you.

The jig is up . . .

2007-09-15T09:18:00.000-07:00

Last night as we were saying goodnight, N. lets out a squeal as she hugs me.

"Oh my gosh! Mooommm, I'm taller than you!"

"No you're not," I say. "I was leaning. I'm just not standing up straight. See?"

I pull myself all the way up to my 5 foot 3 inch self and stand nose to nose with her.

Crud.

"Mom - I AM taller than you!" she squeals.

"Brad - come here!" I call in desperation. Surely his desire to keep this teenager in her place will convince him to side with me at least this one last time. Nature is surely not going to let me get away with this much longer.

He brings the ruler over and we stand back to back and I know what's coming.

He holds the ruler still and we back away from it. It's tilting about a half inch higher in N's direction.

She giggles uncontrollably and does a little happy dance. "I'm taller than yu-u! I'm taller than yu-u!" she sings.

"Oh yeah? Well, I can still ground you missy! Now get to bed!" I give her a playful swat on the backside. But nothing will ruin her good mood.

Truth is, I think she's been taller than me for about 2 months but just didn't realize it. It was fun to see her confident and happy about this new season of her life, but it left me a little melancholy. My baby is really, literally, growing up.

Writing - an argument for human cloning

2007-09-12T14:41:00.000-07:00

The closer I get to feeling like maybe I am actually a "writer" (still without the capital "W" - baby steps now people, baby steps . . .), the more I think I might be interested in volunteering for a human cloning project.

There simply isn't enough time in the day (or night) to get everything done and write like I really want to write. And so, I think I'd like to place my order for a few more Kim's to take care of some of life's other tasks so I could be free to spend my days at libraries and coffee shops writing the articles, novels and blog posts that are blooming in my brain like rampant, genetically mutated dandelions that no amount of procrastinating will destroy.

So here's my cloning shopping list:

Cooking Kim: This gal would have the job of shopping, researching healthy recipes, finding ways to trim the bad stuff out of our family's diet and still making sure our sweet teeth are good and happy. She would shop, cook and watch cooking shows and throw the occasional classy dinner party as well as taking care of all holiday food preparations year round.

Merry-Maid Kim: This lucky chick would get clean-up duty including washing sweaty soccer uniforms, Brad's paint covered work clothes and the dreaded bathroom cleaning chore. She would also get kitchen clean-up and all those purging projects around the house. Like getting rid of 10-year old magazines that somehow can't find their way to the recycle bin.

Working Woman Kim: She would bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan (na-naaa-na-na). This lucky lady would get to work with wonderful people and work on interesting projects with undivided focus and concentration, wowing everyone with her knowledge, experience and creativity. She would do all of this without the distractions of thinking, "Wow - I'd really rather be writing a scene for my novel rather than this annual report" or fight the urge to spice up her marcom writing with vocabulary and descriptions that have no place in a conservative work place.

Media-savy Kim: She would keep up on all of my favorite shows, alerting me to the "can't miss" episodes but letting me skip the less than stellar ones. She'd preview movies for me so I could never waste time sitting through something that wouldn't inspire or motivate me in my own creative journey. She'd help me never sit through another bomb of a movie like "Premonition" (two hours of my life that I'd REALLY like back Lord, thanks!). M.S. Kim would do the same for me with books and magazines also, weeding out the duds and fluff and flagging articles that would help me develop story ideas. Oh, and when I eventually get around to buying an i-pod, she'd figure it out for me and load all my favorite music on it.

Yup. Human cloning - I think it's just the ticket for my writing career. Where can I sign up?

Summer Favorites

2007-08-24T20:01:00.002-07:00

Dear sweet Amber checked in with me the other day. I haven't meant to neglect blogging. Really - I've been reading all of yours and commenting here and there. I guess I've got a tiny bit of bloggers' block. When I would sit down to write, all that would come out was complaints and grumblings about unmet expectations for the summer and how busy we've been and yada, yada, yada . . . so I just did us all a favor and abstained. But I think it's time to get back in the grove and so I'll take a page from wise friends and others who have inspired me to think thankfully and gratefully for the blessings of this summer. Here's a few pictures of my favorite summer moments.

Camping at Pacific City, OR - warm temperatures, lazy days and fun with my favorite three people in the world.

J as "Charlie the Crazy Cat Guy" in his theater camp's production of "A Fractured Fairy Tale". He loved theater camp and now when anyone asks what he wants to be, he replies, "I want to be an actress." (Actor buddy, actor . . )

N and I decided to be part of history and attend one of the local "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" events. But in true fashion for our family, we punked out at about 11:30 pm and went to Target the next morning to pick up our copy of #7. We had a great evening out though and enjoyed the enthusiasm of the hard-core fans.

The family reunion shot. A tough week for me but there were some fun parts and it was great to see family from out of state.

My kids' new hobby. Makes my blood pressure go up but they love it. We're already talking about getting wetsuits for the colder weather so they can keep practicing. I think a trip to Hawaii sounds more fun.

This guy posed for me on a trip at the Oregon Zoo's butterfly exhibit. Wasn't that nice of him?

These cute kids posed for me also - after being bribed with a warm elephant ear and a promise that they could ride the thrill ride after mom took pictures for 20 minutes in the butterfly display!

Yup - it was a tough summer with lots of work and meeting the needs of others but there were definitely some highlights. And for that, I'm so thankful.

What was your favorite part of summer?

Hide the sharp objects . . . .

2007-08-01T18:48:00.001-07:00

. . . there's a teenager in the house. That's right - today my baby girl turns 13. She was born at 10:21 pm on a hot summer night 9 days late. The first words out of one of the nurses when they put the girl on the scale to weigh her was, "Oh my God!" Turns out my little princess was not so little. She was 10 pounds 15 1/2 ounces at birth. I joke that if Brad had taken me to dinner the night before, we could have put on that last half ounce and had ourselves an eleven pounder.

Truly, it was wonderful having a big baby. She was healthy and sturdy and didn't feel like she was going to break when you picked her up. I remember going to a breastfeeding clinic a few days after she was born and the other moms there were just amazed at the baby girl's size. She never wore 0-3 month clothes and only wore 3-6 month clothing for about the first 6 weeks. A friend of ours at church just recently had a 10 pound boy and I saw him today and it brought back wonderful memories of my summer baby girl.

Now she is a teenager and that extra size that she has carried for her whole life is more of a struggle than a blessing to her. Now we walk the fragile tightrope of working for a healthy self-image that brings about positive changes and not negative feelings. A sweeter and more loving girl, I couldn't ask for. She is so much like her dad - very relational, gets along with everyone and lives to spend time with the ones she loves. She's great about being honest with me and is quick to apologize when she knows she's gone over the boundaries too far. I love that she has inherited my love for reading and the theater. We saw "Hairspray" together last night and had fun singing the songs and talking about the movie on the way home. There are some great things about her getting older and sharing more grown-up experiences with her.

A good friend who was one of the first to visit us in the hospital after N. was born came up to me at work today and put a hand on my shoulder. With a knowing and concerned tone, he asked, "How are you doing?" (He's raised his own teenage daughter, now in her twenties and married.)

"Two arguments already and it's only 9:00 am in the morning. I think I have a teenager in my house," I said.

Happy Birthday sweetie girl! Love you tons!

Knock, knock . . . . anybody home?

2007-07-30T17:12:00.000-07:00

Okay - I know that strong, independent, confident women of the world don't feel the need to apologize just because they fall behind on a few blog posts, but for the few of you out there who know me and read my stuff . . . you know that the British part of me won't get by with that. Sooo

I'm very sorry for the lack of posts and not letting you know my status for the past 23 days. Please forgive me for being rude and not checking in.

Seriously. I didn't mean to take that much of a blogging break. The demands of our lives these days have made it nearly impossible to spend more time at the computer than what was required for work and quick checks of email. I wish I could say that I was busy landscaping my back yard, or I was busy learning how to windsurf and that I was spending all that time I would be blogging outside enjoying the lazy days of summer, but lazy is the last word I would use to describe the summer!

Not that it hasn't been fun. Just a wildly, crazy, lots of obligations kind of fun. (With work thrown in there for good measure.) Rather than bore you with it all, I'll give you the quick bullets:

- Brad is currently working as our church's interim High School Director. The new guy will hopefully be here in Oregon in a few weeks but Brad has been doing an awesome job keeping a HS program afloat for the very discouraged kids who have been without a leader for 18 months. We have had the incredible privilege to spend lots of time with great students and some awesome adult helpers who have stepped up to the plate in this area.

- Brad is also trying to fulfill promises made to friends and co-workers to paint houses. He does this in his "off" time from the High School Director position. Translation: we haven't seen much of each other this summer.

- The kids have been in and out of different camps this summer. The boy is currently in his second week of drama camp and is loving it. The girl is making mom proud by helping out at our church's Vacation Bible School this week by letting 2nd grade girls crawl all over her for a few hours a day. We also had fun serving as childcare helpers for our church's ESL classes offered to the Hispanic community. We practiced our very limited Spanish with the kids while their parents practiced English.

- We managed to sneak away for a few days at the beach. Just the four of us. It was heaven. They are my favorite people to be around. It's the one thing that has kept me going during the craziness.

- Seeing some of the blockbusters. "Transformers" and "Harry Potter 5" have been favorites so far. Going to see "Hairspray" with the high school girls tomorrow night and will take my sweetie pie to see "Bourne Ultimatum" as our first night out alone this summer when it opens.

- Celebrating birthdays. The boy on the 7th. Mine is today and the girl's is on Wednesday. I got a brand new, red, shiny . . . vacuum cleaner. It's AWESOME! (Or as Brad would say, "It really sucks!") Seriously, it's like the Cadillac of vacuums and I love it. I plan on using it tonight - with my new birthday pjs on!

- Trying to grab snatches of creative time. Not much time for this but I'm starting to feel the misery of not getting enough time to write. I made myself journal for a half an hour this morning as a gift to myself. It was bliss. I really wanted to start a new writing project today to celebrate my birthday, but the journaling will have to do for now. And this blog post - that counts too, doesn't it?

Please know I've been sneaking peeks at your blogs and I hope to get back to a more regular routine again soon, but please don't be surprised if another little stretch goes by before I post again. Until then, know that I'm thinking of you all and hoping that you are enjoying the special blessings of summer with those who are close to you. Take care!

Happy Birthday!

2007-07-07T07:55:00.000-07:00

(The birthday boy with his favorite cousin)

How could I know that raising a boy would be so much fun? Those brown eyes of mine looking back at me and crinkling around the edges when he's laughing . . . that awesome sense of humor that amazes me coming from one so young . . . the creative imagination that from the day he could talk, has never ceased to amaze me . . . that uncanny ability to figure out complicated math and mechanical issues beyond what I would expect at this age . . . those sweet bursts of affection that melt my heart. Who knew a little guy could capture my heart like this?

Happy Birthday Bub! I love you!

True Confessions

2007-07-04T09:28:00.000-07:00

First, a bit of business. Kamsin tagged me ages ago (well, ok, a week ago) and I need to follow through here. So here are the specs . . .

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each participant posts eight random facts about themselves.
3. Tagees should write a blogpost of eight random facts about themselves.
4. At the end of the post, eight more bloggers are tagged (named and shamed).
5. Go to their blog, leave a comment telling them they're tagged (cut and run).

Now, just to be fair, it is a holiday here in the states, so we here at ETS will make this a self-service tag. Play along if you're in the mood.

And so, without further delay, here are eight amazing, silly, little-known facts about Kim G.

1. My first kiss was when I was 15 years old and was with a 23 year old guy. (OK - sound horribly gross and even illegal now, but back then it was very heart pitter-patter making.) It never went any further than that but I had a huge crush on the dude. He worked at the video store across the street from the taco joint I worked in.

2. I can make an awesome burrito. My kids say every time we have burritos for dinner, "It's a good thing you worked in a taco place when you were a kid so you could learn to fold burritos." They don't teach that stuff in school, ya know. (Well, maybe they do in home economics . . .) My favorite part of working in the taco joint was eating fresh fried chips right out of the fryer when they were still hot. Yum.

3. I cry like a leaky faucet. Not so much at real life stuff any more (except when there's kids involved in tragedy) but at any movie, tv show, documentary or even commercial with a sentimental twist to it. (My daughter seems to avoided this genetic mutation, but alas, the boy seems to have inherited it. He wept during the movie "Happy Feet" when they banished the penguin. Poor kid - either the girls are gonna love him for this or he'll get the crap beaten out of him by the boys.)

4. I just finished reading a book that was the kind I'd love to write with deep, complicated characters and themes of faith and forgiveness, but it had some rather - er - graphic, steamy scenes in it that would have surely earned it a NC17 rating had it been a film. But I loved it anyway. ("The Secret Sisters" by Joni Rogers if you're interested.) I admire someone who can write a realistic sex scene. That's something I'm not sure I could ever do.

5. Things I don't think I could live without in my life: tea in the morning (English, black tea - none of the fruity, grassy, herby stuff), Clorox wipes, books and a daily dose of world news from NPR.

6. I prefer to be alone rather than go to a party most days, but I don't think anyone would call me a hermit. I do love to meet new people but I always feel like I must "work" to make the relationship move forward instead of just leaving it at the acquaintance level. The thought of that often robs the joy of the new friendship and thus, I think it's just easier to stay at home. Sick - I know.

7. I've become a bit of a magazine junkie lately. I've subscribed to four new ones, Vogue, Popular Photography,Wired and Good magazine (whose tagline is "For people who give a damn") I've picked up cards for two design magazines that I'm thinking about subscribing to. I've also picked up recent newsstand copies of Vanity Faire (the Bono issue) and Portland Monthly and checked out vegetarian cooking mags from the library. Someone stop me!

8. If I could change anything about my physical appearance, I think I'd change the color of my hair. I'd make it darker or lighter - it's kind of a nothing special brown. Maybe I'll join Laini and dye it pink! I'm pretty happy with the rest of me with the exception of the extra pounds I need to loose (but that's my fault not God's!)

OK - off to start the marathon day of cooking for tonight's block party. The boys next door (who are now in their twenties with kids of their own) are counting on my brownies for tonight. Musn't disappoint them!

Happy 4th to you all!

Huntin' Fairies

2007-06-22T16:14:00.001-07:00

Today we took a field trip. The kids had worked hard on chores all week so we decided to go out for a fun lunch downtown at one of our favorite places on Hawthorne. Pepino's has wonderfully authentic Mexican food in a casual atmosphere and for very reasonable prices. I had the fish tacos, the kids had chicken soft tacos and we all agreed it was much yummier than a trip to a fast food joint.

Look at the cool window panes that hang from the exposed beam ceiling.

Then it was down the street to Powell's to pick up our copy of Blackbringer. Sadly, it wasn't on the shelf yet but after asking the rather grumpy lady in the children's section to please check for the book, she found it in the back. (Sorry Laini - I tried to get her to put copies on the shelf but she told me she didn't have time to do it just then. I managed to squeeze one copy on the shelf and left it facing out so passers-by could see it.)

The tweenette treated us to a reading of the prologue and part of the first chapter on the drive home. Laini writes with such incredible detail and I love the fairy world she has created. We had many discussions about some vocabulary that wasn't all to familiar to the kids (imp, perpetually and scarab) so I think reading through the book will be a great family time.

Again I just want to encourage you to get your copy soon! You can order from Amazon here. But what a fun afternoon to go downtown and mosey through fun shops. I'm a firm believer that book buying should be an experience beyond just sitting at your computer even if it costs a bit more. You can't get a whiff of that smell through the computer - you know the one, pages, ink and magic - that come when you step inside a book store. That my friends, is a fix for my spirit.

Congratulations Laini!

A Bundle of Joy

2007-06-21T16:45:00.002-07:00

Today is the birthday of my bloggin' friend Laini's new book, Blackbringer. What a joy and inspiration it has been to follow the process of getting her first book published. My kids and I can't wait to read it! Go out and get your copy today.

Don't just sit there . . .

your kids' brains are crying for a story that will keep them up nights propping their eyes open with toothpicks until they can just

read

one

more

page . . .

Oooohh . . . dontcha love a good book?

The Time Bank

2007-06-20T14:44:00.001-07:00

Wouldn't it be great if there was a time bank where you could make deposits and withdrawals just like a real bank. Or, where you could make exchanges or trades? Or people could donate to your fund like a needy cause.

One of the biggest frustrations of my life is when I watch a movie or tv show that, well, to put it gently, smells like last Thursday's garbage. I absolutely hate that 20 minutes after the credits start rolling that I walk around muttering under my breath, "Man . . .I wish I could have that time back. What a waste!" There have been a couple of those recently. I suppose that's why I always watch tv and movies and try to do something else at the same time so I don't feel totally ripped off if the show is a stinker.

It happens in other areas of my life as well. Sometimes, I'll sit down at the computer to check emails and a few blogs and two hours later I'm still sitting at my desk with nothing really productive to show for it. Lately, I'm beginning to feel like I might need a technology fast. I'm sure I'd be amazed at how much time this little machine takes from my days.

Time is a precious commodity for two of us in our house. Our accounts are near the "red zone". Summer is here but Brad and I are busier than ever. Brad has taken an interim position as the director of High School ministries and we're trying to work as a team to help the students hang in there until we can hire a full time pastor for the position. He's painting and trying to tie up loose ends at school as well. I'm helping with our church's ESL program once a week and have had many requests to take pictures at special events lately. Add to that work, keeping the house running and planning the Reunion from Hell, things are a bit nutzo.

And yet there is at least one person walking around our house uttering those unthinkable words, "I'm soooo bored." Like I said, wouldn't it be great if I could put some of her free time into my account? Where are the lazy days of summer and could they kindly make a deposit into my account?

Here's where I'd spend it:
- wait for the hummingbird to drink from the flowers outside my window and try to take his picture
- paint my nails
- finish my books
- make a new necklace
- read all my magazines I haven't read yet
- make strawberry jam
- take my kids swimming
- take a bike ride to the park
- call a friend
- write a letter
- take a nap
- blog just a bit more regularly
- write my novel

No one TOLD me it was so good . . .

2007-06-13T07:45:00.001-07:00

Okay friends. I'll admit I'm a latecomer on this one but in the last two weeks I've just discovered a little gem that sparkles like a diamond ring in the noon-day sun for this information collecting gal.

National Public Radio

Why, why didn't anyone tell me there was such a delightful place on my radio where I could hear interviews of the most INTERESTING people? Like the Oceanographer and his actress wife who have started a foundation and present their message about the need to take care of our oceans in an off-Broadway play? Or fascinating, intelligent interviews with celebrities like Andrew and Elizabeth Schue (promoting their new film "Gracie"), and the guys in the new movie "Knocked-up" (one of my favorite celeb interviews ever - hysterical!) and one of the coolest, smartest rock stars ever - Bono. I've heard a series of stories on the Six-Day War, commentaries on the ending of "The Sopranos" and the history behind Ronald Regan's "Tear down the wall . . . " speech.

And their voices. So many rich, honey-sounding voices as they come off my radio. They sound like their sitting in the seat next to me giving me my own personal update on the most interesting things going on in the world.

I'm addicted.

I was thinking I wanted an MP3 player for my birthday next month to load my new "Dreamgirls" and John Mayer CD's on but now . . . I'll be looking for one that's got a radio on it as well.

Edited to add: To find your local station, go to www.npr.org and click on the top where it says "stations". You can put in your zip code and it should tell you where to look for your local station.

PS - My hubby wrote an incredible post about a day in his classroom and he's feeling a bit blue that not many people have read it. Can I ask a big flavor of you my bloggin buddies? If you have time, go here for a good story of what it's like to teach sixth grade.

Speakin' of school, only two more days - woo hoo!

The Neighborhood Watering Hole

2007-06-06T07:19:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm happy to report that my efforts to attract some bird life to my backyard have been successful. I'm not quick enough to capture them with the camera but we've had a variety of little birdies visiting our lovely feeder and snacking as they make the rounds of the neighborhood. As an added bonus, we even had a little hummingbird visit last night to sip from the lovely little red flowers on a bush my mother gave me last year. (Sorry - I'd tell you the name if I could but I haven't got a clue!)

The problem is that our squirrels have discovered the bird feeders as well. One guy (not a very bright one) chewed through the rope that held up the bird feeder JT had made from a kit. Not just a thin rope. A 3/4 inch nylon rope. Stupid squirrel. A full bird feeder of premium (translate: expensive, already shelled seed) dumped all over the ground and the feeder can't be repaired.

The other feeder is made of copper with a copper chain so I know it's safe from the fate of the other. It hangs on a shepherd's hook by my fence but the darn squirrels have figured out a way to shimmy up the hook and hang upside down while helping themselves to the fillet mignon of bird feeders. I filled the feeder on Sunday and it was empty by last night. There are four of them, two older squirrels (mom and dad?) and two juveniles and I think the word has spread in the family that the buffet is on.

So my dear blogging friends, any advice for me? How do I keep the nice squirrel family from being piggy-poos at my bird feeders?

PS - I found out last night that my dear friend Rene reads my blog but doesn't leave me comments. Hi 'Ne! Miss you! Glad you guys are ok from the nasty tornado that blew through! Scary! Now leave me a comment you lazy thing! ;) Love you!

Keeping my Promises

2007-06-01T21:37:00.001-07:00

I promised a post every day and I'm dead on my feet tonight but don't want to disappoint.

Not much juice left to write anything creative so I'll just share another quote on writing.

A certain skinlessness goes with the ability to observe and describe feelings. This does not make for blithe unconsciousness. Writers are doubters, compulsives, self-flagellants. The torture only stops for brief moments. Erica Jong, "Fear of Fifty"

Juggling with Chainsaws

2007-05-31T16:50:00.001-07:00

Did you see the very passionate verbal exchange between Rosie O'Donnell and Elizabeth Hassellbeck of The View last week? I'm sure you have. It's been all over the media. Their choice words for one another vigorously defending their points - wait - what were their points?

Or, in more recent news, the email that infamous celebrity Nichole Richie sent to all of her closest skinny, alcohol swilling friends, inviting them to her place to "drink until we pass out," to celebrate the brave men and women who sacrificed for their country? A simple friendly invitation to a Memorial Day barbecue she claims. A joke. And no, she didn't really have a scale at the front door weighing the girls like the invitation threatened: "No girls over 100 pounds allowed."

Then there's dear Lindsay. The sweet faced little one who stole our hearts in the delightful remake of "The Parent Trap" seems to be caught in a trap of her own these days. The trap of bad decision making and not having the good sense to at least make those bad decisions away from the flash bulbs of the ever-zealous paparazzi.

Choices. Life is full of them and the consequences to them can be great. They can ruin friendships, ruin careers, take us on a path of destruction and heartache. Or, choices can give us power. They can give us a voice. They can open up possibilities we never imagined would be ours for the taking. They can take us down the road of blessings, give us our heart's desire, bring us joy and peace we never thought possible. Our choices can inspire others and be the catalyst that makes this world better rather than worse. Build people up rather than tear them down.

I don't know what choices to make in all the unknowns in my life right now. I just know that I'd rather choose to juggle live chainsaws than intentionally hurt people with my words and actions. And yet, sometimes I fail. We all fail. So I can look at these celebrities with disdain and judgment and whisper a, "Thank goodness that's not my problem!" or I can offer up a little prayer for them all and ask that they get help and encouragement in their lives to make good choices.

Come to think of it, couldn't we all use that?

Candlelight Bliss

2007-05-30T19:08:00.001-07:00

It's a season of introspection for us at the G-house. Things are changing. Kids are growing, becoming more independent and yet more in need of guidance and our time than ever. We are questioning. How are we doing as parents?

We have neighbors in transition. We lost our dear Mrs. T. earlier this year and for the past two weeks our beloved neighbor, Mr. R. has been struggling to survive serious heart problems. He's in the same wing of the local hospital where we said our goodbyes to Mrs. T. We've been trying to be good neighbors, caring for Mrs. R. in crisis and still watching out for Mr. T. who has now found a "lady friend" and tells us he is engaged. My Grandfather and my Uncle both married quickly after becoming widowers and it turned out badly for both. Needless to say, I'm cautiously optimistic for my dear neighbor but I hope the outcome is good.

We are questioning our roles at church. Where should we be serving? Are we going through the motions and falling in where others expect we should? Are we really using our gifts and passions for the Lord? Are we being a blessing to others or just spinning our wheels?

Me - I'm struggling with the desire to just shut the doors and hide for the next 29 years. If I didn't know better, I'd say I've got an acute case of people-phobia. (Maybe that's why blogging looks so good again all of the sudden!) My book club that I used to love is meeting tonight and I have absolutely no desire to go even though they are all lovely women whom I really like and respect.

Last night, Brad and I sat on our patio by candlelight. We laid it all out on the table so to speak and talked for nearly two hours about these topics and others. It was bliss. I am so amazed how God picked this man, the perfect man for me, to sit across from me on a warm spring evening and make everything OK just by listening and really hearing me.

When we finally came in at 11:00 pm last night, I said, "Can we do this every night?" He smiled and took my hand and I knew, that if I wanted, he'd be there every night with the candles lit. Yep, I picked a winner. I love you babe.

Blog or Bust

2007-05-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

In my efforts to reform my bad habits, I'm going to try to post every day this week. Even if it's something short and sweet, I've got to get back into the practice of putting words to paper - or to screen, so to speak.

I thought I might take time to write about the reunion today, but that topic really needs more time (and just the right frame of mind). Maybe I'll tell you about a dream I had last night instead.

There's a woman at my church who is very respected and very wise. We've known each other for years as her kids are just a bit younger than I am. I respect her faith and her leadership. She was the first woman I ever heard speak from the pulpit of my church. We've worked together now for a couple of years on the women's Bible study team and earlier this year we all took a "strengths finder" test. We were amazed to see that we shared 3 of the 5 strengths. We're a lot alike in many ways.

And yet, this year, for some reason, we seemed to bang heads in discussions during our leadership training. Mind you, not knock down, drag-out things but conversations where I questioned some of her positions in light of the changing hearts and needs of women who are walking into our studies. I think we really agree on the core issues but some of the others, we seem to land at different conclusions.

Last night I dreamed we were at a retreat together. I was in our room listening to a secular CD and she stood outside the door and wouldn't come in until I turned off the music. She then began to lecture me about having too many secular influences in my life.

I won't bore you with our argument but let's just say I woke up with my heart racing and my mind whirling. At one point when I had stated my position in my dream she sighed heavily and said, "Well OK. I guess we'll let you help out at Vacation Bible School this summer." I wanted to scream at her - "I NEVER SAID I WANTED TO HELP OUT AT VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL THIS SUMMER! I SAID I WANTED TO WRITE STORIES THAT APPEAL TO ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE AND POINT THEM TO GOD!" Do you think maybe I have some frustration with her not "hearing" me this year?

Dreams are such funny things. I haven't seen this woman for a few weeks and yet, it's obvious that this issue is still in my heart and my head somewhere and will need to be dealt with. I wonder, is she just the representation of the fear I have that my "Christian" friends won't understand that perhaps the things I want to write won't be found in a Christian bookstore?

Add it to the list . . . the things that seem to stall me out.

And to top off the morning and my new commitment to post every day this week, here's a quote I "creatively borrowed" from someone else's blog awhile ago and sits on my desk for inspiration.

"I want to assure you with all earnestness, that no writing is a waste of time, no creative work where the feelings, the imagination, the intelligence must work. With every sentence you write, you have learned something. It has done you good. It has stretched your understanding. I know that. Even if I knew for certain that I would never have anything published again, and woudl never make another cent from it, I would still keep on writing. Brenda Ueland, "If You Want to Write"

Top Ten Reasons I'm a Flake

2007-05-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

For your reading pleasure, I humbly offer . . .

Top Ten Reasons I have been a Flakey Blogger in the last month

10. Yard work. Though Mr. G. has done most of the hard stuff in this area, there's plenty of the administrative, managerial type work that has kept me busy. Sitting on my hiney on our comfy deck chairs sipping lemonade and saying, "Yes honey. I think shimying 25 ft up that ladder to trim wayward branches on that tree is a mah-ve-lus idea. *sip, sip* You go right ahead and be careful now!"

9. Making sure the feathered friends in our neighborhood don't starve. (See my last post.)

8. End of the school year broo-ha-ha. OK - I'm married to a teacher and I still don't understand this one. Why do teachers wait until the end of the year to do all the big report projects and testing? We've been learning all there is to know about Rhinoceros Beetles and Uterine Cancer. Go ahead, ask me a question . . .

7. End of the school year broo-ha-ha part deux. Not only do we have academic projects up the ying-yang, but they decide to do all the social activities at this time of year. Field trips, parties, field days, carnivals etc. Add church stuff to the mix and the little calendar boxes are looking pretty full these days!

6. Slow time at work. "What???" you might be saying. How is that an excuse for not blogging? You should have plenty of time on your hands. Yes, friends, it's true. There is a bit more flexibility and open space in my brain and in my time thanks to a slow down at work but unfortunately, my brain tends to hunker down in "power-save" mode during those times. I haven't done anything with my personal writing projects in weeks (head hung in shame). Any advice on this? I don't want to go back to the way it was (insane busy) but I need to find a happy place where the momentum of work and personal life keep me creative.

5. Playing with, er . . . learning how to use . . . the camera. Took a "day off" last Friday to play while the kids were at school and went back to the rose garden to try some more rose pix. Gotta love those digital cameras and the macro setting. It's the closest thing to meditation or yoga for me. Breathing deep, holding the camera still and trying to capture just a tiny bit of the beauty before me.

4. Planning the "Reunion from Hell" for my family this summer. Don't ask. I'll be blogging plenty about this in the days to come. I've said it before, I love my family, but in small doses. Someone had the brilliant idea that we spend 6 days in Sunriver this August together. (I'm praying for an emergency Root Canal that week.)

3. Speaking of dental work. Had my first crown put on. Agghh. That puppy hurt! My mouth was sore for over a week. (OK - lame excuse. I don't need to talk to type but I'll use it anyway.) But let me tell you, I have the best dentist in the world. He called me the night of my first appointment, the one where it felt like he drilled ten teeth down to nubby stubs while his lovely assistant nearly drown me with the slow trickle of water on the back of my throat. He called me at home at 6:30 pm that night just to check on me. I told Brad he was lucky he was such a good cook or I just might have to leave him to run away with my dentist.

2. Raising a tween. She turns 13 in less than two months and boy howdy, do we all know it. My brother-in-law said once raising a girl is "a fast ride on the Hormone Express". That pretty much sums it up. We've had lots of slamming doors (well, ok - not lots but some) PLENTY of ATTITUDE (with capital letters, a hand on hip and sneer on your face) and a fair share of DRAMA come our way. With more to come - oh joy.

1. And (drum-roll), the number one reason I haven't been a very good blogger lately is . . . . I have been trying to get through the 19 million books I have started reading in the past few years and are at various points of completion. I really had envisioned that by taking a vow earlier this year to buy no more new books and read the ones I have, I would see some progress. So far, not so much. The fun thing I have done for myself is start a new novel (one I bought a year ago). Haven't read one of those since January and I miss a good story. It's called "The Whole World Over" buy Julia Glass. She's the one I borrowed the title of this blog from (Three Junes). Seven pages into her new book, I remembered why she is one of my favorite authors. One of the characters laments how he "thinks too much" (something I can totally related to) and says "It wears down your soul. It's like grinding your spiritual teeth," Yes, yes, yes! Dear God, could I please write like that someday?

More soon . . . thanks for hanging in there with me!

Bird Envy

2007-05-21T07:20:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, as we lingered on my in-laws patio after a scrumptious Mother's Day Barbecue, I watched in amazement as no less than 4 different varieties of birds snacked at one of their feeders. They were gorgeous and wonderful after-dinner entertainment.

Yesterday, I was at a friend's house out of the city and watched humming-birds and yellow breasted finches and red winged black-birds all find a snack in her back yard.

Something, stirred inside of me. I want pretty little birds visiting my back yard. I went to the store and bought premium, already shelled bird seed and filled three feeders in the back yard. Brad hung the bird house that he and the boy made from their Father/Son retreat back in March. I planted new, bright flowers in my planters.

OK birds . . . you can come now. Here birdy, birdy . . . .

Hmmm . . . not many takers yet. In the first 24 hours, only one very skeptical looking blue jay who took a nibble and then moved along.

Could it be I live in a community of bird snobs? Is my yard not good enough for their standards? I know we're all waiting for the world to change, but me, I'm also waiting for the birds to come.

(The birds in the photo came in a rush of wing-flapping and chirping on a Saturday morning last year. They are Cedar Waxwings and out Red Hot Firepokers are in full bloom again and we're waiting for this flock of birds to come back.)

The fun parts of being a mom . . .

2007-05-13T20:13:00.000-07:00

Breakfast made by my favorite cooks. Strawberries and biscuits, a family tradition.
A book written by my favorite author. (My son - An alphabet book of Mom. My favorite entries: "A - You are awesome." "O - You are organized." and "V - Man, you are valuable.")
Music from my pre-teen daughter that she knows I'll love.
Flowers from my loving husband.
Precious time with my family. A wonderful mother's day!

Drinking from the Well of Inspiration

2007-05-11T07:37:00.000-07:00

Here's a few nuggets of wisdom from artists through the ages to inspire me today. Feel free to share your favorite inspirations!

Since you are like no other being every created since the beginning of time, you are incomparable. Brenda Ueland, Writer, Journalist

Artists who seek perfection in everything are those who cannot attain it in anything. Eugene Delacroix, French Romantic Painter

It is within my power either to serve God or not to serve him. Serving him, I add to my own good and the good of the whole world. Not serving him, I forfeit my own good and deprive the world of that good which was in my power to create. Leo Tolstoy, Author of War and Peace and Anna Karenina

To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. Joseph Chilton Pearce, Author

I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues. Duke Ellington, Composer, Musician

“We are, ourselves, creations. And we, in turn are meant to continue creativity by being creative ourselves. Creativity is God’s gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God.” Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way

Now, what are we waiting for? Let's go play!

Bless your buttons . . .

2007-05-08T15:16:00.000-07:00

I have the nicest most supportive blog friends around. Thanks for your kind words about my poem. I hope that I didn't demean the writers of poetry by my comments in my last post. I have great respect for them as writers. I think it's the most difficult form of writing in fact. If I choose to read poetry for pleasure, I'm much more likely to choose one of the classics the "newfangled" poetry (anything written after 1800) tends to make my head spin to the point of making me feel lightheaded (ok - that's a bit of an exaggeration).

In college I took a class entirely on Shakespeare's sonnets. I love the musical form of this type of poem and - well - anything that is written by the Bard is top shelf in my book. The professor made the class one to remember. He was a visiting academic originally from Scotland. Can you imagine the music of that poetry read by an educated, flamingly homosexual (by his own admission)5 foot tall Scottish chap? It was glorious. He was delightfully animated and expressive and the great imagery just leapt off the page. The guy was an expert in his field and I think I stressed out over my papers in that class almost more than the ones I wrote for my Medieval Lit. prof who was like a female drill sargent. Thankfully, I fooled him into thinking I knew what I was talking about and he generously graded both my papers with an "A".

Here's one that I really enjoy . . .

Sonnet 60
Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,
So do our minutes hasten to their end,
Each changing place with that which goes before,
In sequent toil all forwards do contend.
Nativity, once in the main of light,
Crawls to maturity, wherewith being crowned,
Crooked eclipses 'gainst his glory fight,
And Time that gave doth now his gift confound.
Time doth transfix the flourish set on youth,
And delves the parallels in beauty's brow,
Feeds on the rarities of nature's truth,
And nothing stands but for his scythe to mow.
And yet to times in hope my verse shall stand
Praising thy worth, despite his cruel hand.

Sunday Scribbling - Ocean

2007-05-06T15:53:00.000-07:00

I am NOT a poet. I struggle with the idea of poetry. It's so subjective, so personal, so - not what I love about literature. It's not a story, not a piece of a story. It's like a slippery, jello-like, unstructured piece of a person's soul. I always feel weird writing poetry - like I'm trying to bead with a blindfold. Like I'm trying to write with my left hand instead of my right. It feels awkward, but I'm trying to experiment a bit with this foreign form and seeing how it might improve or refine my other writing.

Here's one I wrote during Spring Break while we were at Pacific City after a long walk on the beach by myself. God and I had a long conversation and I wrote this in response.

I wished for the glimmer
of a stray diamond to catch my eye
the promise of a problem solved.
You gave me a garden of jewels
shining, shimmering in the sand
all mine, with no cost
and a promise to bring
beauty and worth to this broken shell.

A dry well . . .

2007-05-02T15:19:00.000-07:00

I started a Sunday Scribbling . . . and couldn't finish it.

I go to your blogs and read them and open a comment window

but . . . I'm out of words.

I started an article that I want to submit, but I can't seem to finish it.

I look at the notes for my novel, and I smile, and then I frown. No time for that right now.

The past few weeks have been filled with ideas, dreams, instruction, conversation, contemplation and work. Beetle projects, cranky pre-teens, conversations with caterers, business card designs, Bible study edits and plans for new ministry projects.

My dreams at night are filled with fights with bobcats, giant bears and searching through rooms of houses that are unfamiliar to me.

I've had a great couple of weeks where many of the projects that I've worked on have been recognized and praised. People have been overly generous with their kind words and yet, my well feels empty. How can this be? I feel connected to my God but my life feels like a whirling twister picking up bits of this, bits of that and leaving a mess behind it.

And so my friends, that's why the blog has been a bit empty. That's why I haven't been leaving you messages in your comments. I want to write. I want to share. I'm not sad. I'm not discouraged. I'm not upset. I'm just empty.

I'll work on getting filled this weekend. But don't give up on me, okay? I'll be back. Pinky swear.

The Power of Words

2007-04-24T22:33:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend I heard words in more languages than I've ever heard in one place before. Words were spoken in Swahili, Navaho, Spanish, Hebrew, Russian, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese and more than I can even remember at this late hour. (The photo is of an incredible East African choir that performed Saturday evening.)

There was such power behind those words, even though I couldn't understand all of them, I understood them. I could feel the meaning as much as if I'd heard them in English. All of them were offered with humility and a desire to be understood by the Creator and His children. The words stirred my soul.

Yesterday, I heard the words of a wonderful trio of entrepreneurs with a creative vision for their new business. I was blessed by their kindness and encouraged to have met these good souls and get to know them through the gift of conversation.

Today, I heard the angry words of a pre-teen girl as she slammed the door in my face. I felt the anger and frustration of her realization that she has one foot firmly in adolescence but the other is tapping to the theme music of "Sponge Bob Square Pants" and makes her nearly miss her bus - something not looked upon kindly by her stressed out mother.

Today, I heard the words of a brave woman who overcame such heartache and tragedy in her life. Her words carried the powerful message that life is messy. More than messy. Cruel, hateful, unjust, and sometimes downright hardly worth the effort. But over all the pain, over all the heartache and dysfunction was the truth of hope and love that fills us, covers us and comes along side us in a powerful way.

Today, I heard the encouraging words from women in my small group who shared stories of physical and emotional healing and how God is working in real ways in their lives.

Today, I heard the words of a visionary who believes that the church should be the model for racial cooperation and harmony.

Today, I heard words of appreciation from my co-workers for the work I do.

Today, words of encouragement and hope came to my doorstep in a lovely card and a bouquet of flowers from a dear friend.

Today, I heard words of love and compassion from my husband as he served me simply and with a pure heart by picking up a pizza and helping me with a crafty project that had to be done for a dinner on Thursday.

Tonight, I learned from the news that words on a piece of paper can shut down a college campus.

Tonight, I read encouraging words from a woman who hasn't even met me in person, but believes in the work I do enough to share it with others.

The power of words has been resonating in my mind and heart this week. It overwhelms me when I think of my writing, but it inspires me also. What message of encouragement and hope can I pass along with my words? That's my prayer tonight. Please God, help me be mindful of the power of words and help me use them to build others up and not to tear them down. And for the kind words that have come my way this week - thanks for those packages of peace and love. They are much appreciated.

On the road . . .

2007-04-19T13:06:00.000-07:00

I'll be on the road for the next few days at a conference so my bloggin' time will be limited. I'll be back soon though so don't go too far . . .

But before I go, I just want to encourage you all to give your loved ones an extra squeeze this week - it's been a hard one for so many in this country and around the world. The tragedy in Virgina has held our attention, but please note that within the last week in Iraq many more have lost their lives at the hands of fanatical, desperate and demented individuals who have no regard for the precious value of each life.

In my Bible study this week, there was a question about how will I (you) stand up for the cause of justice this week? Brad reminded me this morning that sometimes it's the little things. He took our son to school and on the way out of the parking lot, saw an older boy swinging his back-pack repeatedly at a cowering, smaller, younger boy. Brad rolled down his window and in his very firm, teacher-voice reprimanded the older boy and told him to stop hitting the younger one. We must all look for opportunities to stand up for those who need help to feel strong. Who knows how the world might change if we all choose to do this.

Peace to you and yours and a blessed weekend!

Triple Play

2007-04-15T20:30:00.000-07:00

This weekend, I did something I have only done one other time in my life.

I saw three plays in three days!

The stars aligned and it was a banner weekend for this girl who loves a good show. A few weeks ago, Brad's school hosted a fundraiser/auction. After being mercilessly out-bid by a sweet old school marm for play tickets and a gift certificate to the famous Higgen's restaurant, I was bound and determined to walk out of that auction with at least ONE of the many sets of theater tickets up for sale. I set my sights on two tickets to "Romeo and Juliet," put on by the Northwest Children's Theater. Watching the bid sheet like a hawk until the final second of bidding, I pumped my fist in the air and did a little happy dance when time was called and my auction number was highlighted on the bid sheet. My daughter and I planned a girls night out for Friday.

Thursday night, my good friend Jennifer called saying that she had an extra ticket to the visiting Broadway production of "The Light in the Piazza" and would I like to go. Would I? You betcha! Two plays in two days - I was practically giddy all day Friday looking forward to the shows.

But the clincher - my good friend Wendy was playing a lead role in one of our community theater productions of "The Merry Wives of Windsor". Because I'll be at a conference next weekend when the show closes, Sunday was really my only chance to see her, so . . . a matinée today made it a theater trifecta weekend!

All the plays were great in there own ways. It was really enchanting to see real 14-year old actors portray Romeo and Juliet. They did really well, carrying the humor, the tragedy and even the "love" scenes. Some of my favorite lines from the night came from my daughter though. "Mom - I think Romeo has braces." And I'll never forget, "Man, there's a lot of kissing in this play!"

The leads were strong but the two supporting roles of the Nurse and Mercutio were my favorite. They were played by adult actors who were so skilled in their craft. They played their roles superbly without overshadowing the young leads. It was a great company production and just hearing the poetry of my hero's words for two hours made my heart go pitter-patter and I fell in love with the Bard all over again.

"The Light in the Piazza" was just a delight for the eyes and ears. Fabrizio Naccarelli, the handsome Florentine falls in love with the lovely American, Clara Johnson, but of course, there are many obstacles standing in the way of their happiness. Mainly, Clara's very overprotective mother and disconnected father. Fabrizio's colorful family throws in its share of drama threatening to keep the young couple apart but like all great musicals, there is a happy ending for this one. I loved the fact that though the play was full of farce and silliness and glorious eye candy (the costumes, especially the women's dresses were spectacular - 50's style straight pastel suits and gloriously colorful cinched-in-at-the-waist "poofy" skirts) there were some really poignant themes going through the show. The mother character sung two haunting songs; "Dividing Day" that mourned the day when she and her husband became estranged (one line asked, "did it happen on the church steps after the ceremony?" - ouch). The other, "Fable" was a tribute to the "happy ever after" theme that ran through the show. Loved it, loved it - any show with a handsome young stud singing in Italian can't be too bad! Jennifer and I agreed that the Fabrizio (a.k.a. David Burnham) could split his free time between us. We thought about how nice it would be to have him sing in Italian to us as we folded our laundry!

Today's "Triple Play" finale was great. I had never seen a production of "Merry Wives" and even had to go back to my Riverside Shakespeare volume from college to read the brief synopsis and character list to prepare. It was a fun afternoon of watching the comeuppance of the very lecherous character of Sir John Falstaff. This playboy made the mistake of propositioning two Windsor Housewives that happened to be best friends. What ensues is a complicated plan of revenge combined with a whole bunch of people trying to marry off the lovely young maid, Anne Page. The talented actors in this little show gave great performances. Again, some of the better ones were the supporting roles. I'd encourage all of you to give your community theaters a try - there are some incredibly talented folks out there that choose to perform for pleasure, not for pay.

Well, that's what kept me busy this weekend. I do have a bit of a stiff back from sitting so much, but it's a small price to pay for all of the incredible inspiration I felt from watching so many people working in their passions. It was a powerful boost to the inspiration I've been feeling lately to press on with some specific writing projects. The calendar already looks tight for the week, but I'm committing to post more entries and to write at least one article this week. I'm heading to a conference this weekend, but will be sure to tuck my journal in my bag and if those speakers get even the least bit boring, I'll be pulling out my notes and sneaking in as much writing as I can.

(Thanks for all of your very kind comments about my writing lately. Next month I'll be starting a writing group for friends at my church who have expressed an interest in working on their writing. It will be a place where anyone, no matter what their skill level or experience or religious affiliation, can receive tools, encouragement and writing prompts to practice their writing. It will be a place to nurture one another's creative souls so we don't become our own stumbling blocks in the creative process. Do I need another activity? Not really. But I do this to honor my God, the ultimate writer and creator of the most wonderfully detailed of life stories, and to honor you - my blogging friends - who daily encourage me to keep going when I feel like quitting. So if you're in the area and interested in this kind of group, please let me know!)

The weight of one decision

2007-04-13T09:12:00.002-07:00

When I was about 18 there was a dramatic shift in my life. For years, I had been unnoticeable. Unremarkable. I didn’t want to be that girl.

I wanted to be funny, attractive, intelligent – I wanted to be the beautiful, colorful butterfly, not the brown speckled moth. I wanted guys to notice me, to look into my eyes and know that they saw me and wanted to be with me - not the flashy, shallow girls that seemed to get all the attention in high school. Around 18, things changed. Somehow, I gained a bit more confidence. To steal an ancient metaphor, I “bloomed.” I stopped fading into the background and others started to notice me.

Pat was a witty guy. That was the thing that drew me to him. I love people who have a smart sense of humor. Anyone can do potty humor, but someone who can make a smart joke or a clever statement? That was attractive. Pat could weave sarcasm and irony together to make the most wonderful cloak of humor you’ve ever seen. He was the brother of a friend and we worked together at a high school camp as counselors when I was 19. After the camp we spent a lot of time together. Lunches, softball games, college group outings at church. And then he was gone.

Pat spent most of the rest of the summer in the Soviet Union with a group of college kids. Before he left, he asked if I’d like him to bring me back anything. I told him I’d always wanted a set of those dolls that stack within the bodies of each other. Remember seeing those on Sesame Street? In August, he returned home and we went out for lunch before he went back to college. He proudly presented me a lovely set of the dolls. Nine in all – the smallest one being a tiny red pellet that fit into a doll smaller than the tip of my thumb. I loved the nature of these dolls – you could take them all out and set them side by side and they looked just the same but each a bit smaller. Or, you could put them all within each other and hide them in the one largest doll. They were beautiful and I thanked him and offered to pay him back for them. He looked hurt and said, “Kim, they’re a gift. I don’t want your money.” I just didn’t get it.

He was off back to school within a few days and life moved on. There were just a few other guys at school and church that noticed me, but like a flitting, nervous moth looking for light, I never sat still long enough for any of them to really impress me. Pat came home for Thanksgiving weekend and called to invite me out for dinner. Looking forward to great conversation and stories of life away at college (I was living at home and attending Portland State) I jumped at the chance.

Pat’s idea was to take a 40 minute drive to the Columbia River Gorge and hike up Multnomah Falls first. In NOVEMBER? In the DARK? I remember thinking on the drive to the falls, “This is a bad idea. I don’t want to do this.” When we arrived, the popular tourist site was literally deserted. It was dark, cold and walking up the path, it was almost icy in some spots. I really hadn’t dressed in hiking clothes so when we reached the first bridge, I begged and whined to go back to the car and skip the rest of the hike. Pat tried to encourage me to keep going, but by now, I was in full whining mode and I put my foot down. HE could hike to the top if he’d like, I would like to go back to the car and warm my frozen toes, thank you very much!

We drove back to Portland and had dinner at an old diner that’s not even there anymore. The conversation was great, just as I expected and he kept me transfixed with stories of wild college pranks, the exploits of his crazy friends and the quirky characteristics of some of his colorful professors. After dinner we got in the car for another drive. With a gleam in his eye, he announced, “I want to show you something.”

We drove to one of the highest points in the city, where the radio towers reach to the sky and blink at the planes traveling overhead. The view was incredible and after a warm meal, I was ready to venture out in the cold November air again to enjoy the view. We walked around the crest and marveled at the lights of the city. There was a water tower, dark and cold against the black sky. Against the side, a small ladder started about 4 feet from the ground.

“Come on, let’s climb to the top,” he said.

I looked at him with my eyes wide and my mouth open. “Are you kidding me?” Signs on the side of the tower blazed with red letters, “NO TRESPASSING”.

For the next ten minutes he cajoled and teased and tried to convince me to climb that thing. About five minutes into it, I started thinking to myself, “What is it with this guy and heights?” Something I wasn’t really terrified of, but not something I considered “fun”. The more he tried to convince me, the stronger my conviction and the deeper my heels dug into my proverbial sand. Still true of me today; the more you try to convince me to do something, the more my resistance to that idea will likely grow. I DON’T respond well to pressure.

We got back in the car a few minutes later and called it a night. That was really the last time I saw Pat for a long time. Within a few years, he drifted away from the connections of the area, his brother left town and to this day, I’m not sure what became of him. But over the years, I’ve sometimes wondered . . . was there something at the top of that trail at Multnomah Falls? Was there a note? A carefully planned treasure hunt? A couple of friends waiting with a picnic? What was at the top of that water tower? A boom box with carefully chosen music to set a romantic mood? A warm blanket and sweet treats? Did my fears and insecurities short-circuit some creative young man’s efforts to make me feel special? Did this handsome, funny, articulate guy actually want more than a friendship? It wasn’t an outcome I was used to – did I make the wrong decision not to climb the water tower?

It might have been a decision I would regret except for the fact that less than one month later, I found myself having dinner with a handsome young middle-school director from our church. His sparkling blue eyes, thick dark hair and his mischievous smile took my breath away. And he was smart, and funny, and caring. And suddenly, it didn’t matter what was at the top of that water tower. What mattered was what was in the future. The weight of that one decision was lifted and the moth found her light.

The fight to write

2007-04-10T15:21:00.000-07:00

These are the comments that make me not want to write.

When my sister saw my finished project, an eight week Bible study that I wrote, designed, and had spiral bound with a full-color cover, she said, "Did you make this?"

"Yes. I wrote it, designed it and had it printed. It's an eight-week Bible study the leaders of my church asked me to write."

"Well, aren't you crafty," she said with a snide, condescending tone.

My mom was there. She didn't say a thing. My dad always talks about his work projects but never asks about mine. They don't get it. They don't understand that it's more than work. They don't really know me.

These are the comments that keep me writing.

While looking at a banner I had professionally done for an upcoming conference, the youth guys at our church were bugging me about printing the dates on it.

"Now you can't use it for next year," they said.

"Oh, but next year we'll have a totally different theme and concept."

They smiled and shook their heads, "You creative types . . ."

I slowly rolled the banner and smiled. They think I'm creative. I'll take that.

Today at Bible study a single gal in our church came to me and shared that she's getting ready to fill out the paperwork required for the adoption of a baby.

"Kim, I heard you're really good at writing. There's some essay questions and I'm not very good at that kind of stuff. Will you help me fill out the forms?"

What an honor. What a privilege. I jumped at the chance and told her to jot down a few ideas and we could meet soon to work on the forms.

Another gal shared a powerful testimony about how God had worked in her life. She mentioned something I had shared in a previous talk about writing down things and journaling so we remember. Afterwards, she approached me about starting a writing group.

Some days I just think God puts angels in my life to keep me on the task. It's his way of saying, I know you. I know what you want. You can do it. I believe in you.

Oh yeah, there are days I want to write, today is one of them. Bring it on. Bring it on.

A different kind of Easter . . .

2007-04-07T17:56:00.000-07:00

Easter is filled with traditions. We have ours; coloring eggs, decorating the "Easter tree", egg hunts, baking an Easter cake, going to church. This year, things are a bit different.

The boy is getting over the chicken pox. He still has two stubborn ones on his face that refuse to scab over.

Today, the girl woke up with a 102 degree fever. The exact same way the boy did a week and a half ago. Could another week of quarantine be in my future?

Instead of taking my son to his last Easter egg hunt at our church (next year he'll be too old for the official hunt) I wiped the two tears that squeezed out of his eyes last night when I told him he still wasn't able to be around other kids yet.

Instead of being at church tonight, I'm home with a limp and feverish daughter and a bored boy.

Instead of celebrating a risen Savior today, I went to the funeral of a 2 year old little girl who lost her courageous battle with cancer this week. How can I complain about my disrupted holiday traditions after seeing these broken parents say good-bye to their only child today. I really can't.

Instead of having brunch with my family tomorrow morning and then visiting with my in-laws and my niece and nephew and seeing their new baby, we'll be home, nursing our kids back to health. We'll reflect on the goodness of a God who stands with us during the good times and the bad and we'll be thankful that this is one tradition that will never change in our family.

Hope you and yours have an Easter filled with blessings.

What are you seeing when you visit?

2007-04-04T07:24:00.000-07:00

OK - let's talk about the new template.

Thanks to those of you that noticed the makeover and left nice comments. There are parts I really like, the new font, the sidebars, the thin gray border around the pictures. I've always liked blue.

But the banner is bugging me a bit. First, it's the wrong color. It looks cool and everything but the original color of the rose petals is a peachy color. For some reason when I place it in the blogger template, it turns bluish-purple. The font color is actually a dark red. Hmmm . . .

Then there's the size of the banner. When I open my blog here at home, the banner fits on the top of the page. When I open it at work, the banner doesn't fit on the top of the page and it reads, "Embroider the Sil-".

Tell me dear readers, does my banner need to go on a diet? Shrink a bit? Is it falling off the edge of your pages?

Itchy, scratchy

2007-04-02T14:29:00.000-07:00

Does God have a sense of humor? As if flamingos and naked mole rats weren't evidence enough . . .

Many of you have patiently been putting up with my whining and pouting about how busy I have been and how much stress I've been under and . . . yada, yada, yada . . . and I'm sure God in his infinite wisdom was just doing eye-rolls and head slaps and saying, "Sheesh, just take a break, will ya!" So along comes vacation, spring break, but things seemed like they were just a different flavor of crazy.

After two days of shopping and packing, we left for a planned camping trip to the beach on Wednesday with five other families. My son woke up with a 102 degree fever but begged us to let him go. After pumping him full of motrin and deciding that the RV we were borrowing from Brad's parents would be comfortable enough for a sick little guy, we set out.

Camping - not really my idea of a great vacation but my family loves it and it was easier on the budget than the trip to Mexico. To me, it's all the work and chores of home, just on the road. My family never camped when we were kids and the first time I went camping with a friend when I was 12 years old, we both caught a severe case of the stomach flu and I spent the night in a dirty camp bathroom watching my body empty itself of everything I had eaten in the past five days. Yeah - fun times. Don't even get me started on the critter encounters I seem to have every time I go camping. Yech . . .

The boy spent the first two days watching movies on the mini DVD player in the master bedroom (that's an RV for you) and being a pretty content little guy for the nasty cold/virus he seemed to be fighting. The rest of us took turns hanging out in the RV with him, walking on the beach, sitting by the campfire, and visiting with our friends. By Friday afternoon, the boy was feeling much better and made it out on the beach and fishing with dad. Saturday, he even went to the indoor pool at the campground for a swim with his sister. He seemed to be turning the corner.

I had the chance to take some great long walks over the weekend. I'll share more about those later but it was such good thinking time and times of great conversations with God.

Yesterday we got home and the load of work began - another reason I don't like camping. There's so much stinkin' work involved before and after the trip. Baskets of laundry, towels, bedding to be washed and the RV to be scrubbed and cleaned. Today was supposed to be back to work, back to routine, back to normal. Between all the stuff that went on during spring break and the crazy time of preparation and clean-up after camping, I was feeling a bit deflated; I didn't feel like I'd had a "real" break.

This morning. "Mom - I have a bite or something on my leg that really itches."

I pulled down his Buzz Lightyear PJ's and looked. There it was, a bump with a red ring around it. And on his stomach, two more. And two more on his arms.

"Let me see your back." Two more. And two more on his face. (Not sure of the significance of two-by-two, but everything about this is a bit of a mystery.)

The wheels in my mind start spinning. 102 degree fever, headache, sore throat, red bumps a few days later.

"Oh, buddy. I think you might have the Chicken Pox!" I think both of our hearts fell at the same time. (For all of you moms out there - yes, he had the vaccine at age one; and yes, I feel terrible about exposing all those innocent campers and no, I would have never taken him to the pool and other public places had I known he even had the slightest chance of having the chicken pox. But it is the exact reason I hesitated getting the vaccine in the first place. After reading Michelle at Full Soul's blog and this experience, I'm really starting to feel like I need to do more research before I ever give my child another vaccine.)

"But, can I go to school?"

"No buddy. We'll have to wait a few days." Okay, after doing research online today, (Chicken Pox hasn't been on my radar for years) I haven't had the heart to tell him that he probably won't be going back to school for quite a few days. It's only the afternoon of the first day and he's bored out of his mind already.

Does God have a sense of humor? I'm sure he does. "You said you wanted a break, Kim. Here's your break."

Under Construction

2007-03-26T11:47:00.000-07:00

Well, I got all ambitious and decided to play around with my template and now it's all tweaked and I can't figure out how to fix it. Since I can't do anything that brings stress (because I'm on vacation dontcha know?) I'm going to just walk away for a few hours.

So if you happen to stumble by and wonder, "What the heck . . ." I'll be back to clean up my mess later. But if any of you have any suggestions or ideas for how do it . . . leave me your contact info in comments and I'll be sending strawberry shortcake to your doorstep if you can help me!

Thanks!

Done and empty . . .

2007-03-24T13:34:00.000-07:00

Well - here we are. The first day of "vacation". I turned in my last big project yesterday and I must admit, I slept good last night. However, today feels weird. Unsettled. I read for a bit, walked the dog, gave the dog a bath, cleaned the kitchen, mopped and did laundry. Yesterday, I snuck away for a 20 minute coffee break and wrote in my journal about how all my writing during the next week will be for fun only. No work.

I'm intending to use this time off to renew my spirit but I just feel so unsettled. Like an addict going through withdrawals. Isn't there a project I need to work on? An email I need to answer? If I was in therapy I'm sure there would be some sort of discussion about how I've been using work to avoid other things in my life. I need to get "clean".

So what to do? I'm at a bit of a loss. Relaxing doesn't come easy and there are still the voices of, "You really should be doing _________ ." (Fill in the blank with any number of mundane, non-vacation like activities.)

So I'm asking for prayers and advice. How do you refresh and renew your spirit?

Tuesday Tag

2007-03-20T15:28:00.000-07:00

Here's a tag from Roadchick.

1. Go to Wikipedia and type in your birthday, month and day only.

2. List 3 events that occurred on that day.

3. List 2 important birthdays.

4. List 1 death.

5. List a holiday or observance. (if any)

6. Tag 5 other bloggers.

Birthday: July 30

Events:
1932 - Walt Disney's Flowers and Trees, the first Academy Award winning cartoon and the first cartoon short to use Technicolor, premiers. (Were there action figures for this one?)

1954 - Elvis Presley makes his debut as a public performer. (Thank ya, thank ya very much)

1956 - A joint resolution of the U.S. Congress is signed by Dwight D. Eisenhower authorizing "In God We Trust" as the US national motto. (We're trying Ike, we're trying . . .)

Birthdays:
1818 - Emily Bronte - English novelist (can't figure out how to accent the "e" but I'm sure she'd forgive me)

1863 - Henry Ford, American Industrialist (wish he was here to tell me what the clunking noise is in my Windstar . . .)

Other notable birthdays: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kate Bush, Laurence Fishburne, Lisa Kudrow, Hilary Swank & Jamie Pressly

Death:
1985 - Julia Hall Bowman Robinson, American Mathematician (b. 1919)
She was the first woman president of the American Mathematical Society and was best known for her work on Diophantine equations and something called "game theory" where she proved that the fictitious play dynamics converges to the mixed strategy Nash equilibrium in two player zero sum games. (Uhhh . . . . what?)

Holidays/Observances
Vanuatu Independence Day (Do you think they offer free lodging for those of us born on Independence Day?)

I tag:
Cheryl
Jennifer
Jenny R.
Michelle
Amber
& anyone else who wants to play!

Happy dance, anyone?

2007-03-14T20:17:00.000-07:00

Today was a great day! Here's why I'm doing a happy dance today . . .

1. Sent my BIG project to the printer last night. HOORAY! Thanks for all of your encouragement during the process. I love that feeling of being done and putting a big fat check mark next to an item that's DONE! One more big work project that should be finished next week and then it's VACATION! (I'm taking 11 days off work) I'm trying to get used to not being on the computer 9 hours a day - I actually swept my floors and enjoyed it tonight!

2. We got our new lens for the camera we ordered last week. I'm hoping to get out on Friday to play with it and take some pictures of the beautiful spring blooms in the neighborhood. The weather looks like it just might cooperate!

3. My son's teacher is just awesome. He told her that listening to music helps him focus on his work and she's investigating how she can get music in the classroom to help him keep on track during work-time, especially writing. She's a remarkable woman who truly appreciates my kid's creative bent and wants to nurture it instead of squash it. Love, love, love teachers like that!

4. I have the best bloggin' tribe ever! Thanks for all of your encouraging comments from my last post. Please know that your encouragement means so much and I'm only where I am now in considering putting writing out there in the big world because of your support. I was so encouraged to read of Michelle at Full Soul Ahead and the release of an anthology by parents of children with autism. Michele has a piece in the book and she's been one of my biggest cheerleaders in my writing.

5. My bloggin buddy, Darlene, has a great report on her blog about her son Mark. The guy is a walking miracle and I started my day off by reading her incredible blog entry about his progress.

6. My darling husband brought me home the lovely tulips you see pictured. Could a day be more perfect? JT made the birdhouse at the father/son retreat this past weekend. He did such a great job!

Life is good. Happy dance, anyone?

Sunday Scribbling - Dream land . . .

2007-03-12T07:28:00.000-07:00

Saturday I attended a Christian Writer's conference. I walked into the event early in the morning already exhausted from a series of late nights working on my current project, questioning if I really could make it as a serious writer while still working, being a mom and keeping up with the demands of life. The job was pretty much finished by the publishing folks that were there painting a rather bleak picture of the Christian Publishing industry. There wasn't any real talk about writing in the breakout sessions I attended - it was all about building platforms, positioning yourself in markets, all the non-writing stuff that you need to do to get published. (To be fair, it might have just been the tracks I chose and others might have been more focused on the craft.) By the end of the day, I felt as if all the shiny bubbles of my dreams of being a published author some day, had been burst (in Christian love, of course - grrr).

Sunday morning, I had a good cry in the shower. I'm not really proud of this, but the release of all the frustration was a relief. I stood there realizing that if I was practical, I might just have to put the dream of being published on hold or even release it in order to be able to write what I was supposed to write. I came out of the shower feeling almost relieved of a burden. Carrying around the expectation on myself that I would publish a book or have no worth as a writer, was a heavy load. I decided to try to wrap my mind around the concept that God might have a different purpose for my writing. One that doesn't include publishing.

Sunday, my daughter asked me if I'd take her to see Dreamgirls. We went for a girls afternoon out even though I had tons of work to do on my project. We had some good conversations on the drive to the theater (it was playing about 25 minutes from our house) and it was awesome just to be with her doing something we both enjoyed. Well for those of you who have seen the movie you can just imagine how it spoke to my heart. I was crying five minutes into the movie! Effie's story was exactly the story I needed to see. A talented woman who didn't take the expected path to reaching her dreams. By the end of the movie I had such a headache from trying not to cry, but I was so encouraged and motivated by the story of this great movie. Sometimes our dreams take us down the less traveled path and they're not bad, just different.

The land of my dreams - I think it has a freeway, it would get me where I want to go with speed and efficiency, but it's difficult to take a break and rest. The off-ramps would be few and far between. The scenery speeds by and quick glimpses are all I might get. I think my dreams also have winding country roads, filled with potholes, gravel stretches, downed trees and other obstacles. But there are lovely sights to see, people to meet and experiences to have along the road and it would just be a shame not to stop and explore. I think that's the road I'm on. I'm not sure I'll reach the destination before I die, but I know the journey will be interesting.

Maybe it IS true . . .

2007-03-05T16:02:00.000-08:00

I always feel weird when people say I'm a writer. It feels like I'm a little girl playing dress up in clothes that are obviously too big and not my style. Like being caught with someone else's I.D. My friend Jenny Rough has me on her blog-roll in alphabetical order right before James Frey. We both have the word "writer" in our title. That always makes me shake my head a bit.

Last night I went to be exhausted. I wore heels for 5 hours while snapping pictures at a church event yesterday and then came home to work on my writing project until my eyes were crossing. With this big, hairy, breathing, drooling deadline for my current project fast approaching, I buried myself under the covers and sought the refuge of dreamland.

At 2:09 am I awoke from a vivid dream. I laid there for a few minutes and thought, "This would make a good story." After a few more minutes, I was wide awake. "No - this will make a great BOOK!!" I got up, went to the computer and wrote an outline with character profiles, major themes and sub-plots for the next hour. Finally, satisfied that I had written enough to make sure that these brilliant thoughts wouldn't be carried off by fairies in the night, I crawled back into bed. I smiled as I planned research that will include trips to a tattoo parlor, research on beauty school, emergency room protocols for stroke victims and getting to know the characters who introduced themselves to me in the wee hours last night. I can't wait to get to work on this project that will be a little less like the "work" of writing and a whole lot more fun!

Maybe it's true, maybe I AM a real writer . . .

In the trenches . . .

2007-03-03T22:32:00.000-08:00

Sorry for my absence. I miss "chatting" with you all through blogs and comments. I'm deep in the writing project and it's going well but the deadline was moved up so we're in turbo mode to get it done on time. I hope you enjoy this cutie-pie picture of my puppy taking time to smell the tulips. Me - my tulip-smelling days will come after March 20th. None too soon for me!

As part of my research today I found this great website where you can look up quotes from famous people. Here are a few of my favorite ones that I found today.

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."
C. S. Lewis

Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become.
C. S. Lewis

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.
Garrison Keillor

I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.
Charles M. Schulz

How proud am I ?

2007-02-26T14:16:00.000-08:00

My young man gave his speech on Duke Ellington today. It was a crazy busy weekend as I had to work Saturday and Sunday so Brad helped him as much as he could but we didn't get a lot of time practice. I was a bit concerned he wouldn't be as prepared as he should have been. Plus, the young man woke up feeling pretty cruddy this morning and had a nagging cough but really wanted to go to school.

The teacher said he did a great job and that speaking is his forte. His presentation was so good, they asked him to do it for two music classes as well as his own 3rd grade class. He did his mama proud!

I have loved seeing my son gain a new appreciation for the benefits that come from putting in hard work. Did you know that when Duke Ellington's parents first started him in piano lessons as a child, he hated them? In fact, he didn't pursue music until he was almost an adult. (He actually studied art in college.) We had a great conversation about how it's important to try new things and maybe even try them again and again if we didn't like them the first time. A good lesson for us all, especially me. I tend more toward the safe, familiar things and I need to remember that sometimes moving outside of the regular is a good thing.

His work ethic was impressive. By the time he died, he had composed over 2000 pieces of music. Wow!

Here's a quote from the Duke that I love:
"I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues."

Poetry Thursday

2007-02-22T16:08:00.000-08:00

I haven't put a post up for Poetry Thursday in ages, but I was inspired to look for a poem today and found two that jumped out at me. I'll put one up today and save the other for my next post.

Is my soul asleep?
Is my soul asleep?
Have those beehives that work
in the night stopped? And the water-
wheel of thought, is it
going around now, cups
empty, carrying only shadows?

No, my soul is not asleep.
It is awake, wide awake.
It neither sleeps nor dreams, but watches,
its eyes wide open
far-off things, and listens
at the shores of the great silence.

Antonio Machado, (1875-1939)
translated by Robert Bly

The Root of the Problem - Reflections on Retreat

2007-02-21T07:18:00.000-08:00

I'm still processing the weekend spent with a group of women seeking to follow Christ authentically and honestly. The speaker offered us much to think about and reflect upon. Here's what's been swirling in my head and heart this week. I hope that no matter what your path of faith, there might be something here that resonates with you or encourages you this week.

True humility is an accurate picture of self. A realization that we are capable of great and horrible things.

Compassion is an emptying out of what isn't to make room for what is.

We are made for wholeness. We tend to live with a bent towards being like the prodical son, selfish, demanding, seeking to meet our own needs, or like the older brother, bitter, resentful and tied to a life of legalism. How can we move towards the middle? The place where grace meets responsibility?

Do I really live as the beloved of Jesus? How would my life change if I was truly living in the understanding of this?

Fear manifests itself as lies, disobedience and shame (I would add to the list - judgment). How do I ready myself to stand firm in faith against the fear?
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." 1 John 4:19a

The subject of blogging came up a few times at our meetings and the three of us there who had blogs answered lots of questions. It was fun to share the elements of compassion and community that are revealed in this form of expression and the relationships that grow from it. Thanks to all who left me blogiversary greetings on my last post and thank to those of you stopping by for the first time. Welcome!

I'm deep into my writing project again this week so I'll apologize in advance for the lack of posts this week. Please remember to pray for my dear bloggie friend Amber who is having surgery today. Hope you are all well and enjoying the blessings that come your way each day.

Happy Blogiversary to Me!

2007-02-14T18:42:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to my Blog! It's one year old today! Like my friend Jenny's blog, mine also has a wish list for its birthday.
- a dozen yellow tulips
- some chocolate covered strawberries
- lunch with Oprah
- whirled peas

Well, two out of four ain't bad (thanks to Brad). Thanks to all my good bloggin' buds for making this a year to remember! I love where blogging has taken me and the new friendships I have made. You all inspire me so much to appreciate the blessings and not take myself too seriously. Below is the text of my first post.

I'm not sure why, but I am starting a blog today.

Recently, I stumbled on a group of women artists who share their thoughts, challenges, successes and discouragements on the pages of their journals and blogs. Their words have been rattling around my head for weeks. I find my self checking their blogs daily now to read their latest posts. We lead very different lives, but I have been so encouraged by their transparency and openness to their audience. Though they speak to different subjects, experiences, events and situations, the theme seems to resonate from them; "Find what you love and do what you have to do to do more of it."

Intrigued by this phenomena, I started "grazing" around more blogs. I'm amazed at the wisdom, insight and sometimes bizarre thoughts that are being put out there. Why add my voice to the already crowded sphere of blogging? I guess I feel like in my brief history of blogging, I've already been so encouraged and challenged by others, I feel like I owe something back. I don't make claims of infinite wisdom or knowledge or a charismatic personality that will reach through your screen and shake you by the shoulders to motivate you to reach your full potential, but I might have something to say that might encourage someone along their journey. I hope if I do, you'll let me know. Until then, what's one more voice to "embroider the silence with words." (A favorie line from the book, Three Junes.)

This one made me think . . .

2007-02-12T18:59:00.000-08:00

(Are they not the cutest kids in the world?)

I just finished reading a wonderful essay by the very talented Shari MacDonald Strong about teaching our children about spiritual issues. I have some strong feelings on the matter and they don't easily align themselves in any traditional camp. I think where I have landed on this issue comes from growing up in a home where religion was treated as a casual hobby or a social networking tool and landing in church that is trying to create real, authentic connections of love and service that put to life the message of Jesus.

Below is the comment I left in response to the article. I think it's such an important issue to discuss whether you have children or not because let's face it, for many of us, our adult views of "church" or "religion" are based upon what we learned, or what was force-fed to us as children. Ultimately, my goal as a parent is to raise kids who have a real, questioning, tested and authentic faith in a great God. Can I force feed them this? I don't think so. In my opinion, this is something that they must seek and experience for themselves. I can provide opportunities for learning, experience, share my own thoughts and feelings, but ultimately, their faith is something that belongs entirely to them (it should, anyway). I've sometimes wondered, especially lately as I have a 'tween in the house, what life will be like if one or both of my children ends up choosing a different path of faith than I have? I'm not naive. I know it happens. Or worse, what if they just go through the motions, never really experiencing anything and winding up as an adult who can go through the religious motions but never has a true experience of the holy and divine? If it happens, I'm sure someone will throw this comment back in my face, but until then, I'll keep on plugging along on the path that seems to be working for us. Below is my comment.

I can appreciate the efforts of parents who want to let children make decision about their own spiritual lives. I am in firm in my beliefs and my faith BECAUSE I have asked questions, worked through doubts and taken the things I have learned through study, prayer and meditation and put them to task in the the everyday stuff of life. I would want my kids to do the same. However, to set them adrift into the ocean of the spiritual world without guidance and structure doesn't seem to me to be the best way to ensure that they avoid the hurts that come from false righteousness, judgment and Pharisaical teachings (law instead of grace). I wouldn't just hand my child a book and say, "OK - you should be able to figure out reading. Good luck with that and I'll respect whatever method you choose to use to learn this skill." We guide and teach them with what we know and we adapt to take into account their personality, their strengths, their interests, etc. I think the same is true for their spiritual lives. And who says anyone needs to be an expert? Last I checked, even the most devout and acclaimed followers of God in the Bible would be poster children for "Misfits Anonymous" who struggled with issues of faith, obedience and understanding the ways of God. I don't think they are in there by accident. God left us many examples and even direct exhortations in the Bible that there are many things about God that we (humanity) just won't understand this side of heaven. I have taken "figure out all the answers" off of my eternal to-do list and my perfect parenting guidelines. It's done wonders for my self esteem and let's me sleep at night!

If your daughter is interested in Moses - teach her about Moses. What does the Bible say about him. Let her do the interpreting. How has history, art and culture portrayed him? When my daughter was 4 years old she watched the entire "Ten Commandments" video with Charleton Heston. We talked about what parts came from the Bible and what parts very imaginative writers and directors and actors interpreted ("made up or pretended" to a six year old). Moses is a GREAT character to study because of how he grew as a leader through hard circumstances. What great life lessons to start teaching a child!

Thanks for writing this and sharing your thoughts on the subject! I really appreciate your spirit of humility and wanting to encourage your kids.

Move over Oprah . . .

2007-02-08T07:21:00.000-08:00

Came home from work yesterday and nestled into the couch to finish "The Twentieth Wife". The experience and the story were just what I needed. A wonderful romance set in the beauty and splendor of the Mughal Empire in India (1526-1858). For three and a half centuries, the Taj Mahal has haunted our imaginations. It is a tomb built by a grieving king of the Mughal Empire (1526-1858) in India in memory of his beloved wife.
But it was this woman's aunt, an empress in her own right, who was the most powerful queen of that dynasty. The Twentieth Wife is the story of this Empress Nur Jahan.

Now - no more books until I finish my writing project although, I have a couple more I can't wait to dive into! Let me know if you decide to read "The Twentieth Wife" - I'd love to hear what you think.

Don't give up on me . . .

2007-02-05T19:32:00.000-08:00

I've been trying for days to think of something intelligent to write. The well just seems to be a bit dry so I'm going to steal a page from my friend Deb and offer you some "Random Thoughts From The Junkdrawer of My Mind".

1. Was anyone else disappointed with the Superbowl commercials? The game was decent at least. We decided to forego the very generous invitation of some friends and we just hung out at our own house for the game. Brad had been washing windows since we are enjoying a warm streak here in the PNW while the rest of the country is frozen solid. My windows haven't looked this clean in a couple of years!

2. Finally saw "The Queen" on Friday night with my movie buddy, Trisha. LOVED this movie. I'll write a post on this soon as I could so resonate with some of the themes and the very "British" expressions on grief and loss. More to come - pinky swear! I'm wanting to see more of the Oscar nominees before the ceremony but not sure when I'm going to squeeze them in.

3. So excited about my young man's writing project this week. They had to pick an African American and will work on writing a biography and preparing a speech for the class. J. chose Duke Ellington. He came home and googled D.E. this afternoon and the sweet sounds of jazz were coming from the computer. Man, I have one cool kid!

4. I had to write "a letter of concern" to my daughter's 7th grade health teacher today. I never thought I'd be one of those complainy parents but I just really don't get this one. The kids have to read several fiction or non-fiction books that have to deal with individuals facing health issues. Natalie chose a book called "The Lost Boy". She shared with me that there's several instances in the book where characters are using "salty" language (including the f-bomb). Now don't get me wrong, for a good piece of literature, I'm willing to let salty language and even an f-bomb or two slide, but what bothers me is this is required reading for 7th graders! And if Natalie hadn't told me about it, I would have never known she was reading this. I'm trying to express to my kids that this isn't appropriate language for school, home (or anywhere for that matter) and the school is endorsing it? I asked the teacher if I could please have a list of the books, why they were chosen, a brief summary of the contents and an indication of any language that my daughter would get in trouble for SAYING that she might be reading in these books. I may come off like a fundamentalist freak, but I feel like I did the right thing. I still might let her read them but I'd like to know what she's reading.

5. For my praying friends, please lift me up as I work on finishing a 9 lesson Bible Study. I'm a bit slogged down and need some fresh inspiration to sprint to the finish line on this one.

6. I'm so excited about a new employee at my workplace that is starting all kinds of new outreach projects in the community. We're making plans to get our families involved in work to help street kids and the homeless of Portland and I'm so excited to see how this will stretch many of us who have felt this burden for our community. I had lunch with his wife on Friday and felt like they are a couple who really "get" the burdens Brad and I often feel for moving out of the pews of our church and into the world.

7. I'm stealing minutes here and there to furiously read "The Twentieth Wife". It was truly a book I judged by the cover. Saw it on a trip to Powell's but held firm to my New Year's resolution not to buy any books this year and so I checked it out from the library. It's a wonderful love story set in the late 1500's in India. I'm excited to give my reading maniac friend Leah a report when I'm done. She's already got 4 books under her belt in 2007!

8. Do you think I could make this an even ten things on my junkdrawer list? Hmmm - to my loyal readers, don't worry - the skunk smell is gone and there are no more signs of the little critters. If you're just visiting ETS, just move along to number 9.

9. Uhhhh . . . I said I'd try for 10, didn't I? Well February isn't turning out to be so bad. And as Leah pointed out, there are some nice birthdays in February including this handsome stud.

10. Wishing you all a great week and I promise something of substance soon. Bless ya!

The Sweet Smell of February?

2007-02-01T15:44:00.000-08:00

A little while back I wrote a post about how I never look forward to the month of October and how it always seems like the time of year when my luck or karma or my heavenly blessings just seem to dry up and if something can go wrong, it will go wrong in October. Well, I think January got a little jealous and tried to give October a run for its money this year. It was a tough month and I was more than happy to turn the calendar page yesterday and see a new beautiful picture in my "Greek Isles" wall calendar. (Someday *fist in the air*, someday I'm going to go there even if I have to sell a vital organ to do so!)

I was so excited for February. A new month. Wipe the slate clean. Start over.

That is, until 4:30 am this morning.

Imagine me waking from a restless 4 hours of sleep. As I shift under the covers, I smell an awful odor. Our dog sleeps in our room so I groaned, "Nicky - what did you do?" Sniff, sniff. No - that's not dog smell. That's skunk smell. And it smells like he's curled up at the end of the bed.

By now I'm almost gagging, walking through the halls trying to figure out how this wretched smell has gotten in my house. No windows open, no critters in the front yard that I can see, no critters in the back. Now I'm fully awake and spinning all kinds of horrific scenarios in my head. What if it's trapped in the garage? What if it's in the crawl space? What if there's a whole family living in the crawl space making beds, hanging pictures and planning to stay?

So I laid awake in bed wondering if February would be the month filled with calls to the "Critter Catchers", the carpet cleaners, and would be spent washing and rewashing surfaces to get out the nasty smell. Sometime around 6:00 am I fell back asleep, just in time to be woken up at 6:30 to get ready for work. When I got home, the smell was still in the house but had dissipated quite a bit so maybe my fervent prayers and bargains with God this morning were answered.

Aces. February is off to a grand start. Good thing it's a short month.

Learning to face the darkness . . .

2007-01-29T21:40:00.000-08:00

Thanks to all of you for your kind comments on my last entry. The skies were beautifully clear and sunny this weekend but my days were filled with storms of emotions. Sadly, our beloved neighbor took a turn for the worse on Friday and wasn't able to come home as planned. Thursday and Friday were filled with emotion as we helped her husband process the possibility that she might not come home from the hospital as planned.

Saturday morning he arrived on my doorstep at 8:30 am with the news that the doctors did not think she would survive the day. Brad was at a meeting and my little guy had basketball pictures but we managed to make it to the hospital by about 11:00 am. We were able to see her and give a hug and kiss and tell her we loved her. She was still lucid and really looked lovely and much like her old self except for her labored breathing. She was tired so we only stayed a few minutes. It was heartbreaking to think this was probably the last time I would see her.

I had to rush home and finish prepping food for a baby shower I was helping to throw for my niece in Salem that night. So a few hours after saying goodbye to my good friend, I had to wipe my tears and put on a happy face and be the gracious hostess. It was a long afternoon - we left our house for the shower at 2:00 pm and didn't get home until 10:00 pm that night. At 9:39 pm my cell phone rang and it was my dear friend's husband. She had just passed from this life in a peaceful sleep.

As I mentioned before, this place, this thing, death - is a frightening and unfamiliar place in my life. I'm still processing this heaviness that hangs over me and this renewed sense of knowing that our time here is fleeting and never guaranteed. Sorry to sound like a downer - it's just hard to be real cheery tonight when I think of the heartbroken man sleeping alone two doors down.

I promise, clear skies in the forecast. The sun will come again and the posts will lighten up. Until then, hug your loved ones tight, live, love and laugh.

Learning to take refuge in the storm . . .

2007-01-26T15:35:00.000-08:00

I have very vivid dreams. Usually they are variations on the same themes. Fear of getting lost, fear of falling behind, fear of not knowing - see a theme here? The one I used to have the most was about not finishing school and having to go back to high-school as a thirty something to finish up missing class credits.

Last night I had a new dream. One I've never had before but one that doesn't surprise me. I was walking in a small town, browsing the shop windows and saying hello to the people walking on the street. There were all the signs of a peaceful existence, women pushing strollers, men out jogging, an older couple walking their dog, a woman talking on her cell phone while her pre-teen daughter and her friend giggled at a secret joke. I watched it all and felt the warm of the sun on my face and breathed in what smelled like the fresh smell of spring. Suddenly, the sky began to darken and the soft breeze turned into a stiff wind. Bits of garbage started to blow in the street, people clutched their packages a bit tighter but everyone went about their business as normal.

Suddenly, the skies grew dark. That grayish, greenish kind of dark that those from the south and the mid-west know all too well. I felt my heart beat faster and had trouble catching my breath. I knew what was coming.

Frantically, I started yelling at everyone I saw, "We need to get inside. We need to take cover." Some people listened and quickly followed my advice. Others laughed, others shook their heads like they didn't understand. I pleaded with them, called to them, waved them to the doorway of the bookstore (of course!) that I was standing in front of. By now, the winds were so strong it was difficult to walk. And yet, some people stubbornly refused to stop their activities and look at the storm.

Me? I got to a point where I was so frightened, so tired of yelling, so overwhelmed, that I crawled in to the bookstore and curled in the fetal position. I cried as I heard the wind screaming over the roof of the little bookstore and heard the glass of businesses along the little street break in the wind. There was nothing I could do to avoid the wrath of the storm - just hide and try to survive and try to warn others to do the same.

I don't know all the deep meanings of this dream or pretend that it has any profound meanings to you, my dear friends. I know that yesterday, we got the bad news that one of our beloved neighbor ladies has terminal cancer and will likely not live to see her beautiful roses bloom this spring. The couple is estranged from their children and the families of our neighborhood are their only "family". Death is such an uncomfortable and foreign landscape in my life. I've only had to visit within its fences a few times in my life and I've never been comfortable in the places of grieving and loss. The emotions in myself and others scare me with their power and range. Needless to say, I think the I know where that helpless feeling of being caught in a storm came from.

And yet, I take comfort in knowing that even in the fiercest of life's storms, I am not alone. God has given me the precious gifts of His presence, his promises and the support of others who will walk with me (or sit with me!) through life's storms. He promises to be a refuge in those storms. (I think it's no accident that I took refuge in a place that I love - a bookstore! Other than an old church - there's no other building I'd rather visit.)

The words of the Psalmist give me comfort. "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken." Psalm 62:5-6

The lesson I think I need to learn from this dream? Don't be stubborn - take the shelter that is offered to you when you need to weather the storms. I think I'll need this lesson in the coming days.

Learning New Words . . .

2007-01-23T14:59:00.000-08:00

Last week we had dinner at Brad's mom and dad's house. A tradition in our family is to play games at the table after a meal. They are not really board games, but more along the lines of guessing games, 20 questions, etc. We decided to play the "Dictionary" game and pulled out a couple of copies of dictionaries for reference.

The instructions were to look up a word, say and spell the word and each person around the table would offer up a definition. Each round had two winners - the definition closest to the actual definition and the most creative option. The person choosing the word would pick the winners each round.

My 9-year old son flipped through the pages, plunked his finger down on the page and announced, "Trowloup." Hmmm - trowloup? Wow that is an interesting sounding word. Never heard it.

"Buddy - can you spell it for us?" I asked.

"T-r-o-l-l-o-p. Trowloup." He said proudly.

Grandma and Dad start to snicker.

"I have a definition," I said. "A fruit filled dessert. Like a tart."

Grandma just about fell off her chair she was trying so to contain her giggles.

And by the way, I won that round. But I had some explaining to do later about the words in the real definition. I was hoping to expand our kids' vocabulary but not with words like, prostitute, promiscuous, and sexual exploits. Maybe we should go back to 20 questions next time.

Learning patience . . .

2007-01-20T10:05:00.000-08:00

Hooray! The buttons are back! The buttons are back!

It's been about 3+ weeks that I've been wiggling around the fact that my blogger page was messed up, but today, what a sweet surprise! The buttons are back!

Sometimes things take time. Like a good meal needs some time to cook. Like an art project needs time to dry or set or cure. Like a good story needs time to develop and the author needs time to write and rewrite, and rewrite, and . . . . Like a prayer hopes to be answered.

Today I read the news that Darlene's son Mark that was seriously injured in a car accident the week before Christmas is heading home. It has already been a long and treacherous road for them but what an amazing answer to the prayers and well wishes of hundreds of bloggers who have been visiting her site over the past few weeks. If you are one of them, celebrate with me and lift up an offering of a thankful heart for our friend today. If you are new to Darlene's story, you can read more of her heartfelt and raw writings of this difficult journey here.

There are real and important lessons to be learned in the waiting. It's the place where hope and trust and faith are sown and nurtured to become the tall, strong, deeply rooted oak trees in our lives that will shelter us from the coming storms. I encourage us all to not miss the lessons in the waiting. I'd love to hear what you have learned in your life in times of waiting.

Bless you all! (And a special blessing to the blogger folks for finally coming through! It was worth the wait!)

Learning to Play . . .

2007-01-17T08:38:00.000-08:00

From the masters.

Sunday Scribbling: Ideas

2007-01-15T15:40:00.000-08:00

I'm a day late. But here's an idea that came from a conversation with some soccer moms at my son's game last week.

We were chatting about David Beckham, the English soccer phenom coming to America to play for a team in Los Angeles and the amazingly ridiculous amount of money he would be making from his contract which included several endorsement deals. He will be making the amazing sum of $250 million in the next five years.

So here's my idea. How much can any one person really expect to spend in their lifetime? Even if they have the noble intentions of providing for their future generations, they just don't need unlimited amounts of cash when others in the world are in such need. So I propose an earning cap on all sports, entertainment and corporate executives. Something very generous like 15 million per year. Any money earned after that, would be required to be donated to legitimate charities. So sports stars, celebrities and other rich folks would be required to share the wealth but they would get to choose the causes they would like to support. They could decide to give to charities that support literacy, global causes, environmental issues, health and science, etc. But the basic principle would be that the money they make from adoration/support/business of others would be shared and benefit the greater good of humanity. (One caveat - there would be caps on the amount they could give to any one charity to prevent favoritism and there would be some sort of tax break incentives for the givers as they increase the number of charities they help. The more they work to spread their wealth, the better for them.)

Just an idea, but I'd love to see how this could change our world.

For more great ideas, go here.

Learning to slow down . . .

2007-01-11T07:22:00.000-08:00

This morning I put my contacts in like I always do. Something didn't feel right. They both seemed blurry and the right one felt like it was in upside down. I took the right one out, cleaned it off, flipped it inside out and put it back in.

Still felt weird.

Took it out, flipped it right side out, cleaned it again, put it back in.

Still not right.

Decided to tough it out, made breakfast for the kids, sat down at the computer to answer a few emails and check a few blogs. Finally, I couldn't stand it. I went into the bathroom and took out my right contact.

It was bizarrly misshapen. What in the world??? There were TWO contacts stuck together. I had put both contacts in my right eye!!! In 26 years of wearing contacts, this is a first! Guess it's time to learn to slow down a bit in the mornings, that or post a sign on my mirror that says, "ONE CONTACT PER EYE, GENIUS!"

Learning to deal with the root of the issue . . .

2007-01-10T15:30:00.000-08:00

** Whiny Post Warning ** Be advised that the following post contains an excess of melancholy musings and may not be suitable for friends who are already down in the dumps, suffering from pink-eye, the flu or are trying to quit their nicotine addiction this week. If you don't feel up to reading the whingings of a middle-class, white woman with nothing of merit to complain about, please stop back tomorrow when the outlook for a sunnier post seems more likely.*** Whiny Post Warning Complete ****
It's been a rough week. But even as I type that, I blow air out in a disgusted snort thinking, "Really, Kim. What do YOU have to complain about?"

Your family is healthy.
You have a job.
You have a home.
You're not fighting a war in the dessert against people who want to destroy you.
You're not sitting in a jail cell for sharing the hope you have found in a personal God because the rulers of your country consider such testimony a threat to their politics and culture.
You don't have to wonder where or how you will feed your children today.
You're not watching your loved one struggle through incredible pain as his body tries valiantly to put itself back together again after a horrific car accident.
You're not watching your child fight invisible cells that are trying to kill her from the inside out.
Even your pets are healthy . . .
You really have it pretty good compared to most of the world.

It's never hard to find someone who has it rougher than I do. And in the past, that is how I have dealt with the disappointments, struggles, and frustrations that creep in the back door like unwanted stray animals looking for a warm place to sleep for the night. But unfortunately, just running to the "find someone worse off than me" game pulls my attention away from the things that are bothering me but only for a short time. I wonder if I really do myself any favors by never dealing with these things. Do I really make myself stronger by ignoring or running from my struggles rather than dealing with them? I think I'm learning there's a fine line between self-absorbed and self-aware and the space in between is a large rocky, craggy field waiting to be worked, tilled and planted with more productive thoughts, behaviors and disciplines.

It makes me think of earlier this year when we cut down a large pine tree in our front yard. Brad spent weeks cutting out the roots of this thing (he wound up with a nasty foot infection from the strain of working on it!). There were points in the process where I said, "That's good enough, just cover the rest!" But no - Brad would have nothing of that. He wanted every bit of root taken out and never wanted these things to be a problem again. I think maybe this is an example I need to follow with some of the "issues" in my life that I struggle with. Avoidance or covering them up with something else isn't going to "solve" the problems. The roots of these things will eventually make their way to the surface.

So today, though I know others have it much worse, I give myself permission to feel crummy. It doesn't mean I'm not so very grateful for all I have, it means that my crud, the baggage of my life, is weighing extra heavy today and it's okay to feel the weight as I drag it along the path. Maybe I'll open the bag and see what's in there that doesn't even belong to me. It might be that I've picked up someone else's stuff along the way. Maybe there's stuff in my bags that I don't need anymore. (I'm notorious for holding onto things too long!) I know that as I work on making choices to trust God's direction, his leading and his provision in my life, tomorrow the same bags might feel a bit lighter and eventually, they'll feel so light, maybe I'll be able to help someone else carry their luggage for awhile.

Learning to Adapt

2007-01-05T08:32:00.000-08:00

So I pulled one of the lessons from my previous post about perservering and creativity and found a way around my blogger problems. It seems that the missing buttons have something to do with my browser on my home computer. When I went into blogger at work (on a break, of course!), I could see the buttons just fine. But when I came home, they were gone again. When I tried to research this problem on the blogger message boards, they seemed to all say that the solution to the problem is running a different browser program like Firefox. As I read that, I grabbed the edge of my keyboard and shouted at the little man behind the screen, "But I DO run Firefox! At home AND at work. That can't be the problem!!" I tried a few more suggestions, emptying the cashe, rebooting - nothing. Still no buttons. The really frustrating thing - besides not being able to create a post with pictures or links, I wasn't able to leave a comment on any posts that require word verifications. The letters wouldn't appear on my screen. It was keeping me from commenting on some of my favorites and THAT was pushing me near the edge of a knicker-twisting fit of rage!

HMMMM . . . Creativity, perserverance, use the whole play book . . . my own lessons from the previous blog post swam in my head along with a few choice words for the invisible, inaudible, absent with no sign of returning, blogger support geeks who have yet to answer my cries for help. And then, a thought. What would happen if I went back to using Internet Explorer for my browser? What do you know - voila - the buttons are back!

So another reminder that these lessons that we learn on the journey, can be applied in so many different ways in our lives. The blog, in the grand scheme of things, not such a critical thing, but relationships, our passions, our convictions - they deserve the same attention to creativity and perserverance as we seek to make the journey richer for ourselves and the ones we love.

Delia over at Left Handed Trees wrote in her last post about intentions rather than resolutions. I told her I was going to adopt that word - bring it home, feed it cookies and give it a warm bed to sleep in. I want to be intentional in 2007. Intentional in my relationships, intentional in pursuing my passions and intentional in growing in my faith and following my God. I intend to write more about learning and how I can put into practice what I learn and hopefully something along the way will encourage you in your own intentions. (At the very least, you'll have one trick for finding missing blogger buttons!)

Lessons for a New Year

2007-01-03T08:51:00.000-08:00

Grrrr. My blogger buttons are still MIA. (I’m missing the buttons that show up on your “new post” page that allow you to add formatting like bold and italics, post pictures and make live links in your post.) Thanks Kasmin for the encouragement that you have been through this and eventually you got your buttons back. I’ve sent two messages to the Blogger folks but still no reply. GAH! I miss my pictures.

Well, one of my resolutions was to make sure something on the little ole’ blog was worth reading. A few months ago, I took a strengths finder test by the Gallup Organization. I thought for at least a little while, I might focus my posts on these strengths and how I’ve been learning to use them in all areas of my life.

OK – when I read back over that, it sounds a bit self centered. But actually, I’m hoping that this process will give you encouragement to work in your strengths as well. Actually, the premise is that we have abilities in almost all the 34 strengths but we clearly are strongest in just a few and those are our “sweet spots” – when we are working in our strengths, we feel complete, content and fulfilled.

One of my strengths is titled “Learner”. “People strong in the Learner theme have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites them.”

Even before I took the test, I knew this would be among my top five. I’ve always been a big reader and these days, I could surf the net for hours reading new articles, and find new tidbits of knowledge to store away. The problem comes in that I’m not always the best at application. My other four top strengths, while unique and helpful in many ways, are very passive and cerebral kinds of strengths. The frustration comes for me in that I’m great at collecting information, not so good at putting it to use.

Monday night, after we said good-bye to Brad’s family, put the kids to bed and did a final quick pick-up of the house, Brad and I settled in to catch the last quarter of the Fiesta Bowl. I love college football and the busy New Year’s weekend with houseguests didn’t give us much time to catch any of the games. We watched the most incredible end to a game we’ve ever seen! If you don’t follow college ball, the game was between University of Oklahoma – a team used to bowl games and the favorite for the night, and Boise State – a real underdog who hadn’t been to a bowl game in ages. Boise State led for almost the whole ball game until Oklahoma had two quick scores at the end of the 4th quarter to move to the lead. The second score was from an intercepted pass thrown by the Boise quarterback. With only a minute left in the game, it really looked like the Oklahoma Sooners had stolen the win from Boise. In an incredible run of great plays, Boise came back to tie the game and force it into overtime. In an incredibly exciting finale, Boise St. won due to some incredible factors.

And so I give to you, “Lessons Learned from the Boise St. Performance in the Fiesta Bowl”

Lesson #1 – Never give up even when things look impossible.
Don’t let the clock tell you what is possible. The impossible can happen when you least expect it!

Lesson #2 – Surround yourself with people who believe in you.
When interviewed after the game about the intercepted pass he threw, the Boise quarterback said he got past the mistake quickly when about 10 of his teammates came up to him and said, “We believe in you.” Wow! I want to surround myself with people like that. Ones who will lift me up and believe in me even when I fail.

Lesson #3 – Use the whole play book.
Boise State’s final score in regulation play was a “trick” play – a lateral pass between two players who weren’t the quarter back (I can’t remember what positions they played.) Their winning score in the OT was the old “Statue of Liberty” play. Creativity and perseverance make for a winning combination.

Lesson #4 – Take advice from others.
Those creative plays used to win the game – they were brought to the table by the 2nd and 3rd string quarterbacks. The coach was quick to give these players the credit at the awards ceremony. (Another lesson – share the spotlight with those who help you.)

Lesson #5 – Success doesn’t mean much without the ones we love by our sides.
After his game-winning two-point conversion, running back Ian Johnson proposed to his girlfriend, Broncos cheerleader Chrissy Popadics. She said yes.

Who knew there was so much to learn from football?

Looking for Blogger Intervention . . .

2006-12-31T10:37:00.000-08:00

I've lost the buttons on my new post page so I can't post the pictures I was going to post today.

I've made a heartfelt plea to the Blogger support folks but they're probably out for the holiday so a decent post with pictures probably won't come until next week.

I'm in a state of procrastination right now. (How's that for a Sunday Scribbling "Destination"? Drat - I can't even link you to the site here without my buttons! See the location on the sidebar if you'd like to read this weeks Scribblers!) We'll have a houseful tonight as we are celebrating a belated Christmas with Brad's side of the family. We're all looking forward to being together as it's been a few years since we've all been in one place.

Sorry I've nothing profound to write at the moment. Actually, I have lots of thoughts on resolutions, goals, reflection, book lists . . . all that good stuff, but there are toilets that need scrubbing, beds that need changing, floors that need vacuumming and appetizers that need making. One of my resolutions - give you all something worth reading on this blog in the new year. I think I've slipped into some lazy patterns of giving you too much fluff and not enough substance. I'd like to change that and write about some more thoughtful things in the new year.

To all of you and yours, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Blessings of peace and good health and calorie free indulgences be yours!

The Mysteries of Christmas

2006-12-26T20:26:00.000-08:00

Why does it take hours to do all the wrapping, but only minutes to open a huge pile of gifts?

How come we eat Christmas cookies every day, but they seem to multiply like bunnies during the night and there are still MORE Christmas cookies to be eaten the next day?

Why does the blouse that made me look so trim in the fitting room at Macy's make me look like an elephant hiding under a tent in our family Christmas picture?

Why do I get sick of Christmas songs on the radio about the 20th of December but miss them on the 26th?

Why does sleeping in the rest of the year mean about 8:00 am but during the Christmas holidays, mean more like 9:30 ish?

Why is it so much cheaper to buy the same thing on the 26th of December that you would have paid full price for on the 24th? Why don't retailers give us an incentive to clear their shelves before Christmas?

Gifty Updates: My mom came through with the serious bookage - 5 new ones! Two on digital photography, The Artist's Way (so now I can finish it - my library renewals ran out before I could finish it last time), "Plan B . . . " by Anne Lamott and a really cool little anthology of the best places in Portland for book lovers. Both sets of parents gave us generous checks to do some household shopping. We got a new waffle iron, a clothes iron, skillet, can opener (the magnetic kind that keeps the lid from falling in) and money for blinds for our great room. Woohoo for the parents and their very practical and welcome gifts of cash!

Today, my daughter and I went down to NW 23rd and the fun shops down there and bought some fun new ornaments and Christmas decorations. This was the first time I've bought new Christmas stuff in about five years. Usually I make due with what I get as gifts or what my mom gives me as hand-me-downs. It was fun to pick out things that I really liked.

Prayer Request: My bloggie friend Darlene has been struggling through the last week caring for her 24 year-old son who was in a serious car accident last week. His injuries were very serious and things are still a bit touch and go. Visit Darlene's blog here to read her updates and please pray for strength and wisdom for Darlene and her family.

Blessings to you all!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2006-12-24T23:34:00.000-08:00

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on Davids' throne and over his kingdom establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this. Isaiah 9:6-7

I hope you all have a wonderful day with your family and friends and that the richest blessings of peace, joy and gratitude fill your day and carry on into the new year.

All the best to you my friends!

A Christmas Meme

2006-12-21T07:18:00.000-08:00

(Photo from Pittock Mansion, Oregon)

Wrapping paper or gift bags? If I'm opening, wrapping paper - if I'm wrapping, gift bags! (Lazy girl!)

Real tree or artificial? Real, although I feel the pressure to move to the dark side.

Eggnog, hot chocolate or apple cider? When I was about 7 years old I was sledding with the neighbor kids behind my friend Colleen's house. Her mom made a big pot of hot chocolate for all the kids. Guess who drank too much and went home and promptly threw up gallons of hot chocolate? Yup - that'd be me! Can't drink it to this day. I've honestly never tried eggnog - I just can't get past the yuck factor of the name. So, I guess it's apple cider although my new favorite tea flavor is white tea with lemon from Stash. That sounds even better.

Favorite gift as a child? A few: a bike when I was about 9, a hand crocheted blanket from my mom when I was about 12, my own phone when I was about 14.

Nativity Scene? Not a nice one. One that looks like it's made from Femo Clay that I bought at a craft store when the kids were little. This year for a table centerpiece for my Bible Study, I bought a Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus from the Dollar store and they're not terribly ugly - just very "white" looking. Someday, I'd love to have a nice set that doesn't look "canned" or like the traditional nativity scene but looks authentic, with dark skninned, dark haired figures. Last year I almost bought a beautiful metal sculptured nativity scene at Bombay Company but even at half price it was about $90. Ouch!

Hardest person to buy for? My mom. She buys everything for herself as soon as she thinks she needs it.

Easiest person? This year, my daughter. She just got her ears pierced so earrings are a safe bet.

Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail - but email sounds easier!

Worst gift received? Can't really think of one. Maybe an article of clothing that just wasn't my style.

Favorite Christmas movie? Miracle on 34th Street, the new one and The Polar Express.

When do you start shopping for Christmas? Maybe here and there through the summer but mostly after December 1st.

Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Maybe something generic like candles or something like that.

Favorite thing to eat? Chocolate crinkle cookies, thumbprint cookies and cranberry sauce. Can you tell I have a sweet tooth?

Clear or colored lights? Clear - non blinking.

Outside lights? Yes - but just a row along the gutter line of the house. Nothing like Chevy Chase . . .

Favorite Christmas Song? Oh Come let Us Adore Him, O Little Town of Bethlehem

Travel or stay home? My preference - stay home, but we've traveled a few times. Since we built the addition on our house, we have the best setup for entertaining so we have hosted for the last few years.

Angel on top of tree or star? Star - no question. That's what I grew up with. I'm flexible on most things, but I won't budge on this one.

Open presents Christmas Eve or Christmas morning? Growing up it was one on Christmas eve (PJ's) and the rest on Christmas morning. Now it just depends who we're celebrating with and when.

Favorite ornament theme or color? Nothing in particular. My mom buys us a Hallmark ornament each year so I've got a lot of those on my tree.

Favorite Christmas Dinner? One that I don't have to cook . . .

What do you want for Christmas this year? Books, more books, and a few candles to light to make my house smell pretty. Peace and joy and good health for my friends and loved ones!

Tag, you're it! If you haven't already done this one!

Blogger Tip for the Day

2006-12-15T21:15:00.000-08:00

I've seen lots of comments lately on blogs and in comments with quite a bit of agitation and even fury worked into them about losing comments into thin air. I hate to see anyone frustrated and in the wild chance this might be the issue, I wanted to share a little tip I learned when I switched to to blogger beta that has helped.

If you accidentaly type a comment on a post BEFORE you have signed in, select all the text in your comment and do a quick "control + C" to copy the text. Sign in to beta blogger and you'll be back at the blog's comment page but your lovely message to the author will be gone. Just do a quick "control + V" to paste back in your words of wisdom or witty come-back and, voila, your clever comment should be right back where it's supposed to be.

I had to learn this the hard way the first few times I tried to comment using beta. For some reason, the beta blogger won't let you sign in on the fly like the old version.

Hope this helps someone out there. It's the holidays for cryin' out loud - we can't walk around cursing blogger under our breath and still be jolly now, can we?

Peace!

Nifty Giftys and a Two for One Tag

2006-12-13T21:33:00.000-08:00

Firstly - thanks to you all for the lovely anniversary wishes. Brad and I had a great time. We actually spent the night in a downtown hotel and had such a relaxing and peaceful time. We bought some filters for the camera and did some Christmas shopping and just enjoyed BEING together. Thanks again for all your kind words - we're looking forward to another 17 years.

And now . . . . looky, looky what was waiting for me when I got home tonight.
This lovely box of goodies came from Deb R. over at Red Shoe Ramblings. See, last week she had a little ole' writing contest and surprise of all surprises, my little entry pulled in the most votes from the very kind and generous audience of RSR. I debated whether to show this gift booty to you because now I KNOW there will be tons more competition the next time she does one of these little contests (which she has promised to do) but it was just too fun to keep to myself. I was really only expecting the awesome quilted postcard right in the middle, but she sent a haul of other fun foofy stuff that was just the icing on the cake! The prompt was to either write a sex scene or write an excuse for not writing a sex scene for your new novel. (Can you guess which one I chose?) The trick was that you had to include the following things: pink fuzzy handcuffs, the DVD of the Happy Days episode where Fonzie jumps the shark, a rubber chicken and a bird named Trixie. (Do you see the post-its in the picture? Deb wrote "Trixie" on them! Too funny!) If you want to read all the great entries in this little contest, click here (don't worry - they are all PG-13 and under).

And more gifties - here's what the teachers are getting from my kiddos this year. I found this heavy duty stone-ware mugs in awsome colors for $1.99 each! I get such a rush from a good bargain like this! We filled them with tea bags and gourmet chocolate bars from New Seasons that had gorgeous pictures of endangered animals on them. Wrapped in celophane and with a bow, I think they look pretty darn sweet. Hope the teachers and helpers enjoy them!

On to the tags. I've been severly delenquint - Bonnie tagged me over two weeks ago and Roadchick tagged me earlier this week. To avoid the potential rep of "Tagger Procrastinator" in the bloggosphere, here goes . . . two tags for the price of one.

First Bonnie's. 10 great things that start with the letter "X". (Bonnie advised me that I get a "mulligan" on this one and can use words that start with "ex" also - phew!)

1. Xmas - Life is crazy busy again but I'm really TRYING to slow down and enjoy some of the pleasures of the season. Had two celebrations yesterday with my lovely ladies that I meet with on Tuesday mornings and it was a delightful day celebrating the special season we're in.
2. Extensions -Not the hair kind that look like something died on your head while you were napping. The grace filled allowances that we are given when we're running behind. I really value these when they are given.
3. Ex-boyfriends - I know, you're thinking, "Is she nuts?" Most people don't always have great relationships with their exes - mine married one of my best friends. Twenty years after he first took me out on a date, we consider this couple some of our dearest friends. We love the fact that our middle school daughters are fascinated and grossed-out by the fact that we used to be a couple.
4. Extinguisher - My nickname at work. I like to put out fires for others when I can. A twisted super-hero complex rooted in low self-esteem issues, I'm sure!
5. Excitement - I'm sitting here typing and watching the finale of "The Biggest Loser". The winner lost over 200 lbs. He's one excited dude! It's contagious to see someone so happy for doing something so positive.
6. Explanations - The natural learner in me wants to know the hows and whys of the world. I used to love to just leaf through the encyclopedia sets when I was a kid and start reading about new places, concepts and ideas.
7. Xylaphone - heard some players at the Saturday market a few weeks ago. I love the instrument on its own.
8. X-rays - these miracle machines help people get better from their big time owies.
9. X-Files - one of my favorite all time TV shows. I like a bit of the dark and twisty, especially when it comes with a handsome FBI agent named Fox Mulder.
10. Exhortations - who doesn't love a well crafted compliment. Especially when it comes in written form. (You are all so intellegent and you look thin in that outfit!)

Five bad things that start with X or "ex":

1. Expectations – when these are out of whack they can lead to disappointment and even some nasty, draged out arguments.

2. Explosions - never a good thing.

3. Examinations - the annual kind and the school kind

4. In American Slang, "X" can stand for the drug "ecstasy" - nasty business.

5. X-rated films - Saw one as teenager and have wished so many times I could turn back time and NOT see what was on the screen that night. Really not something I EVER would wish to see again.

Phew! Now, on to Roadchick's tag. Six strange and weird things about me.

1. I am deathly afraid of mice and rats. The other night at the hotel, I heard a strange noise and convinced myself that there was a critter in the room. I hardly slept at all. I KNOW there was nothing there (it was a really nice hotel - not the furry critter kind) but I whipped myself into a frenzy about it. Last winter we had a little furry visitor that would leave tiny brown messages under the sink thanking us for the garbage buffet being left for him every night. I litterally shuddered every five minutes until that furry critter was caught and disposed of by my big, strong, manly, mouse-killer of a husband.
2. I turn pink when I drink. (Thanks to my friend Wendy for that little rhyme.) My cheeks flush like an alcoholic lush after just one glass of wine. Blame it on my little English Grandpa who does the same after a pint at the pub. I could never be a closet drinker - everyone knows when I've opened a new bottle of chardonay.
3. I hoard office supplies. I don't steal them, but I like to save them for special occassions. I bought a Costco pack of post-it notes and I still use them very cautiosly and with great reservation. Likewise, I'll buy cool stationery and other office stuff and it never gets used.
4. I do the same thing with candles. And bags. And purses. I really need to live a little, don't ya think? That or clean my closets, one or the other.
5. I'd really rather do just about anything other than cook. I really don't like it. The only pleasure I get out of it is when I don't ruin a dish and waste the ingredients. I love to watch cooking shows, read cooking magazines, and even entertain, but just not cook. Good thing I married a mamma's boy who hung out in the kitchen growing up.
6. I'd rather speak publically in front of hundreds of people than dance in front of a dozen. I feel like Eileen in the old Seinfeld episode with my body twisting and turning in spasms and contortions that make others cringe in horor. (OK - I'm probably not that bad, but that's the picture I see in my mind if I think of joining the sexy coordinated folks on the dance floor.) It's safer for all involved if I watch from the sidelines most of the time. I'm a sucker for a good slow dance with my sweetie though, but what girl isn't?

OK - that's it for now troops! Thanks for hanging in there with me and if you want to try your hand at these lists, consider yourself tagged.

A Special Day

2006-12-09T06:58:00.000-08:00

Today, Brad and I are heading out to do some Christmas Shopping for the day. I love this kind of day - Brad, not so much. He's such a trooper though! We're headed to downtown Portland to enjoy all the sights and sounds of Christmas while we hunt for the perfect gifts. It should be a perfect day (except for the rain that has decided to come back after a welcome hiatas). We're going to see a movie and have a nice dinner out as well. A real treat in this busy season - a whole day together - alone!

Seventeen years ago I had a very different December day. The morning was crisp and cold but the sun was shining. Not a raindrop in sight. It was a day filled with people - about 300! No being alone on that day. It was the day my life changed in dramatic and wonderful ways - the day I married my true love and started a chapter in my life that continues to keep me amazed at the blessings that have been dropped into my life. I still remember the way Brad made me giggle when he whispered a funny joke to me while we were lighting our unity candle. I'll never forget how handsome he looked in is slate gray tuxedo with tails. His smile, his embrace, the kiss. One of the best days of my life.

Happy Anniversary Sweetie! I love you!

Sad news . . .

2006-12-06T15:29:00.000-08:00

We've all been keeping one eye or ear on the news here in the northwest over the past few days. We were elated when Kati Kim and her two children were rescued after being stranded nine days in the Southern Oregon wilderness. Unfortunately, out of desperation, Kati's husband James set out on foot Saturday to go for help.

Today we heard the sad news that James did not make it. He gave his life for the safety of his family. Frankly, I'm overwhelmed with the sadness of it all and I've done a bit of whining to God today over this sad development.

"God - seriously? You would take this man, really? Right before Christmas? And knowing that his wife and daughters survived? Seriously, God?"

I shake my head, wipe the tears away and marvel at such love. The love of a father for his family. A love that would do anything to save them. The same kind of love that God has for his children. A love that can't be bound by the limits of our understanding of this fragile existence in a broken and tragic world. A love that says, I have a plan and I will care for my children. I pour the truth of that promise on a broken heart today as I try to lift up prayers for a mom who faces challenges she hoped she'd never have to face in a lifetime and for her precious children, that they will know the love that their father held for them and that it will sustain them through their lives.

If you'd like to leave a message of condolence for the Kim family, you can send them an email at a link found here. They had to close the online guestbook because it had so many entries. I slipped mine in right before it closed and there were already over 5,000 messages. I hope that these carry some comfort for the family. Please keep them in your thoughts and give your own loved ones an extra hug tonight in honor of James and his family.

Falling of the edge of the earth . . .

2006-12-03T22:44:00.000-08:00

Sorry if it seemed that way. I didn't intend to take a week off of blogging. It just kind of accidentally happened that way. I'm still here. Unlike my bloggie buddy Amber who was holding her nose to the grindstone and studying like a mad-woman for her big exam yesterday, I have no real excuse for going an entire week between entries. I do seem to find myself working on a few time-sensitive projects in areas of life - work, family, friends, etc. That and hauling the Christmas stuff out of the attic trying to whip the house into holiday shape and it's enough to put a gal off her writing game.

Deb - I haven't written off the challenge that's due tomorrow (ha! pun not intended but pretty darn funny, dontcha think?) but the pink fuzzy handcuffs have me thrown for a loop. (I thought they were pink fuzzy slippers and had that all crafted into the story and the handcuffs just won't work in the version I had written in my head! Back to the drawing board!)

Bonnie - I haven't forgotten about the "X" word challenge and I promise to get to it this week. Well, I'll try to get to it this week. Don't hate me if it's maybe next week . . .

Laini & Megg - I loved the prompt this week for Sunday Scribbling. It set off all kinds of fiction ideas in my head. I'm going to try really hard to get one posted by Tuesday. I can't wait to get some time to read what other Scribblers have written.

And all my other friends, I've been reading your words even though I haven't been leaving as many comments. This was just a really odd week and I'm looking forward to getting back into the blogging grove next week. Gah! Look what happens when you fall behind, people! No more blogging breaks for you miss "embroider the silence"- back to work!

Sunday Scribbling - Nemesis

2006-11-26T19:58:00.000-08:00

There are very few people in this world that I really don't like. Or ones that I thought didn't like me. Maybe I'm blissfully naive and there's actually a whole network of people out there that I have annoyed or made murderously angry with my bad habits of indecision, tardiness and overuse of my silly catch phrases like, "on the flip side" or "What were they thinking?" or "Seriously?!" There was one point in my life though when I knew I had a nemesis - someone who was out to destroy me and have me carted off by the men with a one way pass to the padded presidential suite of Hotel Nutso.

She was the designer we hired to help us draw up plans for our remodel a few years back. We'll call her Telulah (her name has been changed to protect us from any google searches that might connect her and her profession to my hometown - the last thing I need is a libel suit from this lady). Telulah came highly recommended from our friend in the remodeling business. He would hire her to design his addition if he was doing one. He warned us she was a bit "out there" but she was extremely talented.

She showed up for our first appointment and right away I knew she was different than anyone I'd ever met. She was petite and wiry (all the better to climb in your attic and check your rafter configurations) and had hair that was dark brown, blond and grey all at once. And the hair had a life of it's own. It didn't really flow down her back, it more spilled - not in the glorious heroine of a Harlequin novel way - but like someone tipped over my yard debris can after I had been doing spring pruning and branches were spilling out everywhere. The hair was coarse and wiry, like it gave up on being curly in any way years ago, but still just didn't want to lie flat. And so it seemed to go in all directions at once. She had a thin face that looked like it was barely wide enough to accommodate cheek bones. Her eyes were a bit buggy, with long, pale eyelashes. My daughter put it best - "Mom - I don't mean to be rude or anything, but she looks kind of like a witch would look if she was trying to look normal."

Indeed her birkenstocks and fleece vests and lilting soft voice had us all fooled at first. She took measurements, she listened to our ideas and excitedly added her own, she oohed and ahed over our garden and gushed about the potential for our little ranch to expand to meet our needs. We were sucked into her magical trance and before we knew it, we had a meeting to review preliminary drawings with her and were handing over a check for her to do the complete engineering and architectural drawings for our 700 sf addition. Her eccentricities seemed charming but harmless.

Further down the road, the truth started to emerge. Phone calls asking the same questions over and over again. Measurements needing to be taken again. Missed deadlines. Failures to coordinate with truss companies, my carpenter, the county for permits all just about drove me into a mental tailspin. On one particular afternoon when we had met at the county offices to submit the final drawings for approval so we could break ground and start the project, she was talking circles in ways that I swear had me closer to the mental edge of the cliff than I have ever been. At one point I looked at Brad and said, "I swear honey, you are going to have to do this and deal with her or I'm literally going to go postal here in the county offices and ruin all our lives because I'll be in jail for murder tomorrow." Thankfully the man knows a crisis situation when he sees one and he turned on the charm he uses daily working in a profession filled with the female gender and had Telulah back on the road to sane conversations and building permits within a few minutes.

I remember leaving that appointment and walking with Brad to the car and saying, "Why is she doing this to me? What have I done to her? Why does she hate me? She is driving me crazy! I just don't know if I can do this!"

In hindsight, I think that God used this woman to prepare me for the somewhat flaky and unreliable folks that were going to step into our lives in the next few months as we embarked on the building project. As my friend Dan says (he's a plumber himself), everyone in the construction industry is either mentally ill or chemically addicted to something. And I can say in no uncertain terms, that none of the contractors that came after Telulah was as bad as she was. As much as she was a nut job and a nightmare in some ways to deal with, she did do a phenomenal job on our plans and we had many comments from inspectors and contractors that hers were some of the most detailed and professionally done plans they had seen. So fortunately, my trip to crazyville complements of my nemesis, was worth it.

To read more about nemeses (is that the right plural?), go here.

The only thing missing was a glass of wine...

2006-11-22T14:37:00.000-08:00

The further I travel down the path of this thing called "blogging" , I am amazed at how it shrinks the world around me.

Yesterday, I spoke to a young moms group at Laurel Community Church about the topic of guilt in mothering. I posted a few nuggets from my talk in yesterday's post just thinking it would be nice to share a few of the pearls of wisdom I gained in all the research for the talk. Imagine my surprise to get a nice comment from Devra Renner, the author of one of the books I used as a resource for my talk.

Devra co-wrote the book Mommy Guilt with her sister, Aviva Pflock and a friend, Julie Bort in response to their own experiences with the expectations and ups and downs of parenthood. Devra and I exchanged emails last night and eventually ended up on the phone with one another. I felt like one spoiled chick as she graciously answered my questions about the research for the book, her experiences as a mom, her career as a writer, social anthropology, Judaism and so on, and so on, . . . it was quite the phone call! The poor gal lives in the Washington D.C. area and I kept her on the phone until 10:30 pm my time. There's kindness for you! I felt like one spoiled little girl having my very own book club discussion with the author. The only thing missing, was the glass of wine! (Well, I'm not sure if Devra had a bottle open on her end . . . the way I talked her ear off, I wouldn't be surprised if she felt like she needed a drink when she hung up the phone.)

Devra was so gracious and kind and I'd like to give her and her website, Parentopia, a big bloggie shout-out and encourage all of you who are parents to visit it and take a look. Thanks again Devra, for the wonderful discussion!

Passin' up a ride on the guilt train . . .

2006-11-21T15:30:00.000-08:00

Woo hoo! My talk is done and the women were so lovely and gracious. I spoke at the Laurel Community Church MOPS group this morning (mothers of pre schoolers) about mommy guilt and doing battle against it so it doesn't take over our lives. I'm so hopeful that they were encouraged to be more gentle with themselves when they experience feelings of guilt. For any of you interested, here are a few of the more interesting nuggets from the talk. And for my friends who aren't moms, some of this stuff is very applicable to ANY relationship that we might have feelings of guilt (spouses, siblings, parents, friends).

- Guilt is the generic label that we as women apply to the "stew" of our negative feelings. It's much more P.C. to say we feel guilty than to say we are angry, frustrated, confused, discouraged, grieving. These words, especially ones that might convey anger seem to carry a moral and social stigma if you're a mother.

- Calling these feelings guilt shifts the blame to ourselves rather than assigning responsibility to any one else.

- Ask a man about his feelings as a parent and he will rarely use the word guilt. It seems to be a word assigned to women and their relationships with other more than men.

- Women have been made to believe that their significance must come from one line of work or another. Trends in culture, media, and the voices of "child experts" have raised the bar of parenting (or any relationships) to such high levels it's difficult to feel successful and easy to feel guilt.

- The choices we make about big issues can cause us guilt. It's a blessing to have so much information about some of the decisions we face, but along with that can come feelings of doubt and inadequacy when we make decisions that are different than those of our peers.

- There is tremendous pressure that our decisions will make or break our children. Our western culture is very child-centered. Our culture has created an industry on telling mothers what they should do and apportioning blame for when they fail.

My basic advice to these women to fight the guilt?

- Name and own our feelings so the root issues can be dealt with. Why do I feel inadequate? Why am I angry?

- Give up the ideal of being a "Perfect Parent" focus on being a "Good Enough Parent". One that teaches our children that it's OK to make mistakes and models forgiveness.

- Recognize you are different, your kids are different, so your parenting (relationship) experience will be unique. Don't make parenting a competitive sport.

- Reject the conventional wisdom an d stereotypes of stressed-out parenthood. It doesn't have to be that way.

- Realize that kids will most certainly do things we don't want them to do. They come into this world with a little thing called "free will". It's not our job to control them, it's our job to teach them how to make their own good choices.

Over the past 12 years as a parent, I've found myself often drowning in those feelings of guilt that I just wasn't doing enough. With all of the outside voices of the culture we live in and my own insecurities, it's easy to get sucked into that parenting style. One of the things that has really kept me grounded is my faith and the promises that I have from God's word that I AM good enough and the answer isn't always to DO more. I read the moms the verses in Luke 10:38-42, the story of Mary and Martha.

Martha was consumed by the work that had to be done to host Jesus and the disciples at her house. Mary spent her time at the feet of Jesus listening to his teaching. Martha says what is in all of our hearts at one time or another (PARTICULARLY around the holidays), "Lord, don't you care?"

The great news is that he does! He wants to lighten our load, not add to it. A great message for young moms and for anyone.

Thanks to you all for your kind words and encouragement. It was a good morning - and yes - my head cold let go yesterday afternoon so I was able to speak this morning without having to stop and blow my nose!

The snot monster is in the building . . .

2006-11-19T22:53:00.000-08:00

The Sunday Scribbling prompt this week is "hero". Right about now I could use one that will kick this head cold in the bootie!

Head is throbbing, nose is running, eyes are aching and I've just spent six hours straight at the computer working on my talk for Tuesday to a group of young moms looking for hope and answers to why they struggle with guilt. I feel inadequate, overwhelmed, frustrated and find myself hoping that another major storm might blow in and bring a tree down on my car so I won't have to go anywhere for the next week. I want to hide from their searching eyes and I want to really say to them - I don't know! I'm in this struggle myself and don't know the answers.

But God is good. He'll provide. He will heal. He is enough. I'm resting on that tonight.
He's the hero that will come to my rescue, just as he always does.

Good night friends.

Refreshed

2006-11-14T13:47:00.000-08:00

Hello friends! Thanks for stopping by. There was a momentary panic last night when I tried to open my blog and all that showed up was code on a white screen. I switched to the Blogger beta thinking that might save me and - voila - it was back online. But I think something was screwy with my blog this weekend, so thanks for hanging in there with me.

It was a good weekend. I did get away, leaving the house at about 8:30 am Saturday and returning at about 5:30 pm Sunday. The time away was good. Good like a peaceful, cozy, warm fuzzy robe kind of good. The time was spent in quiet, freedom, peace, reflection, writing, thinking and relaxing. I started my morning downtown at one of my favorite places in Portland, the Saturday Market. It's a place my dad used to take me as a kid and I love the noise, the smells, the food, the sights of this magical place. It was a wonderful way to be inspired creatively for the weekend. I was able to share a lunch table with a delightful young gal who just moved to Portland from Michigan. She was one of the street musicians who gave the shoppers a lovely soundtrack to the morning. Visit her myspace site at to hear her and find out about her local gigs.

Then I had a great opportunity to chat with the husband of this incredibly talented photographer. I'm so excited to be on her email newsletter list and hopefully glean some new skills and techniques as I get more familiar with our camera. I bought this print in a card and just love it!

I walked uptown and spent some time browsing and shopping in Macy's (ack - I miss Meier & Frank) and Nordstroms. Came away with some bargains on Kenneth Cole & Liz Claiborne jewelry and it was bonus time at the Clinique counter. Unlike most times when I'm buying my basic Clinique supplies to get the freebies, I actually got a friendly and very helpful sales person. Usually, they turn their nose up at me when I buy the minimum amount, but this gal was a sweetie and I actually handed over my money with a smile because she had treated me so well.

The weather last week was a bit dicey here in the northwest, and another storm was due to come in on Sunday so I decided not to go too far from home for my night away. I stayed at this lovely little hotel in Lake Oswego and had a terrace off my room where I sat in the crisp sunshine of the afternoon and watched the sun drift to the water's edge in the late afternoon. (This is my self portrait on the deck of my room.) The hotel was older and the floors and ceilings carried a lot of noise, but it was exceptionally clean and the staff was very friendly and the view was lovely.

Within walking distance was a village of high-end boutique stores (fun to window shop), a Peet's Coffee Shop (good for a couple of hours of study) and some cool restuarants for dinner choices. Had a yummy tomato basil soup and salad for dinner with calamari appetizer and a glass of white wine. Read my book and just relished the time where the only words needed were "thanks" each time they brought food or filled my water glass.

In the morning I went for a long walk, worked for a few hours and then got myself cleaned up before checking out at noon. Had to attend a memorial service at 2:00 pm for a family friend so killed a little bit of time by driving to Tualatin's Bridgeport Village. Had my first trip to a Whole Foods Market and what an experience. Talk about sensory overload! So many choices for a quick bite to eat - about 4 different counters that you could order different kinds of food from. And the groceries - wow! So many choices and healthy options. And if that wasn't enough, back in the bakery was live music. I browsed incredibly ornate pastries with the Beatles' "Blackbird" being picked on a guitar and sung by a fellow sitting by the dinner rolls. What an experience!

For me, the memorial service in the afternoon was a lesson in how not to live my life. This man was remembered for being a "giant" in his industry. For loving sports, especially baseball and golf and for being an incredibly lucky gambler. Very little was said about his family and most people agreed, he was rude, insensitive and cold to most people. The phrase, "But that was just how he was," was repeated over and over. So sad. He wasn't one of my favorite people in the world, I'd agree he was usually cold and rude and brusque in manner, but very little was said about the tender heart he had for his kids and grandkids. It was good to see old friends and catch up with them, but I felt a little jipped out of an afternoon where I could have carried on the momentum from the weekend. I was the good daughter though, I made the family happy (my parents) and I think my presence mattered to the grieving family. Sometimes we just need to bite the bullet and do what's right, even if we'd rather do something else.

So thanks for sending the good thoughts and prayers my way! I'd highly recommend that if you can, get away for a break now and again - even if it's only for a few hours. It's such a good way to recharge your batteries. Better than botox - that little line between my eyebrows - gone after the night away! And coming home is so sweet - Brad and the kids had made me a chocolate cake and were waiting with big hugs. Mmmmm . . . life is good.

Friday Flashback

2006-11-10T08:25:00.000-08:00

The forecast this weekend is for rain (surprise *snark*) and wind (hmmm - could be interesting). In fact, one local weather forecaster is whipping himself into a frenzy about this "wind event" that could be coming our way. He's saying things like "damage" and "significant" in the same sentence. G-r-e-a-t.

This was the weekend that Brad and I had set aside that I could go away by myself for a little "me" time. I have two talks coming up in the next month, one for a young moms group and one for my Tuesday morning women's group and some writing projects that I wanted to work on. The original plan was for me to go to the beach, but the recent heavy rains and the forecast for more heavy rain has made me wary of going too far from home. So it's likely I'll stay close to town this weekend. Besides, all I really need to get some work done is a quiet hotel room ANYWHERE with a coffee shop nearby.

All this buzzing about a potential windstorm has made me thing about our last big windstorm here in Portland in early December of 1996. One of the managers at work was a real weather nut and he knew this was going to be a big deal so he sent us all home early that day. I went to pick up my daughter at daycare and remember feeling a few gusts that shook my little Nissan Sentra like it was a toy. By the time I got home, we had already lost power. I put little N. in her room with the blinds open and it was light enough for her to play while I rounded up candles and flashlights for the evening. While grabbing candles out of my china hutch, I watched a rickety portion of our old fence fall to the ground like it was made of popcicle sticks.

After a while, little miss N. started to get bored. "Mama - can I watch Cinderella?" I had explained to her earlier why we couldn't turn the lights on but she was only 2 1/2 and didn't really get that the t.v. also ran on electricity.

I patiently explained that we couldn't watch Cinderella while the power was out. "Why don't we have power?" she asked.

"Because there is a big windstorm right now sweetie. Look outside at the leaves blowing."

"Mama - can we ask God to stop blowing. I really want to watch Cinderella!"

It was a very loooooong evening with a toddler who just couldn't understand why God wouldn't want her to have electricity so she could watch her beloved Cinderella. The power was out until the next morning but we were the lucky ones. One of my co-workers lost power for five days.

I'm hoping this wind event is a little less extreme. I'm all for the excitement of extreme weather every once in awhile (as long as folks don't get hurt) but I'm going to ask God to keep the power on this weekend. Being alone in a hotel room with the lights out doesn't sound like much fun!

Have a great weekend everyone! Hold on tight!